The help

I don't think it's funny
I don't think it's fair
you can call it help dear
I don't even care
paying back that debt now
like you said you would
give me back my money
though sanity would be good
I lost my fucking mind
truly fucking mental
you don't even see it
never detrimental 
fucking with my head
just to make me strong 
but you don't know the meaning
so you got it all sorts of wrong
pulling on them strings
like I was just a puppet
an amusing little thing
just another little project
I don't think it's fair
how you change the time of day
but I don't even care
as long as I don't stay
you think that you'll be hearing from me
think I might stop by
but I don't even care about you
got my own struggles to survive
crying like the little man that I know you are
I don't think it's fair but
I got me here so far
you can call it help
make stories up instead
but I'm stuck on real life
no longer just living in my head

No sound

Keep hearing all these voices
saying all these things
I don't know what's working
hidden beneath the screams
dying without breaking
I need a bit of air 
but not the clean crisp kind
I need that dirty snare
keep me lost in filth now
know I can't get out
keep hearing all these voices
though I know there is no sound

Before

I've said this before
I know it
I said what you didn't mean
you push me with anger and silence
assumptions of what I could be
I've said this before 
but you don't remember 
I explained what that should be
but you keep on talking without it
without knowing what I believe
you act like its me when it's you
get angry whenever I'm through
as though I must keep up
must smile not speak up
cause you'll punish me just when I do
rewrite what I said
like I never meant
the words that come out of my mouth
no room here for me
not when it's just we
and the words fall apart from the start
I guess that's all I get for my heart

Should’ve

Should've been safe
should've been happy
no other words
can't believe that you had me
locked in a cage I thought was home 
golden on the surface inside it's mold
rotting my brain with lies and mistruths
creating a world that has no real use
one for me to live oh so afraid
seeing surreal and violent things all day
scared of my shadow
don't know the time
living alone off dirty old rhymes
becoming myself locked in a cage
don't know how I'll ever get away
freed in the morning the chains never go
barred from the sky
this ground is all I know
should've been safe 
at least that's what I'm told
should've been happy
but all the joy got sold
melted away like reality
don't know how you got this from me
a life that I've lead mostly in mind
captive and used
I'm broken inside

Painful movement

Thank you for the fear today
thought that I would be okay
but every time I remember why
I open up this heart of mine
it bleeds and burst right on the floor
my body cannot take much more
but I'll keep moving forward bound
got myself to turn around
thank you for the world you wrought
give me what I already got
pain and tears and so much banter
a life it lives in darkened laughter
but I'll keep moving right along
know that one day death will come
I'll keep trying to get better
but if I fail I'll still live forever

Where to move

Don't know what to say again
words have left me numb
don't know what to do today
thought I was in love
my heart it burns right through the floor
my name I have forgot
this pain inside my chest it breeds
the mornings unthought thoughts
dirty bleeding in my hand
turning round again
don't know what to write today
don't know how to mend
the wound inside this emptiness
my stomach it burns once more
don't know how to keep it going
don't know where to move

Feel good

Screaming from the pain
it's driving me insane
but everyone is telling me I'm fine
I think I'd rather choke on cyanide 
to cure the pain 
to dull the tongue
I'm gripping faster until it's done
drinking teardrops
raining screams
I don't think I know 
what feel good means

Feeling crazy

Think I'm feeling crazy
just like every day
I call myself just lazy
but I know it don't pay 
denying what I am
got me stuck right in this hole
buried oh so deep
no one will ever know
keep telling me I'm fine
that it'll be okay
but I'm just wasting time
entertaining this tired brain
I don't want for nothing
except everything I need
think I'm feeling crazy
need some time to breathe

Underneath

Take a little dip
the honey pond will drip
overfilled with pestilence
covered with flesh and bits
everything was paradise
now you run away and hide
cry into the deep midnight
purple blooms within the sky
take a trip down memory lane
tell yourself it'll be okay
take a dip into that sea 
covered in the rot and reeds
dive into the depths below
honey comes to soothe your soul
the taste a bit of bitter roads

Listen

Listen to the liars
let them tell their tales
keep them in the choir 
hear their wails
calling to the surface
underneath your feet
begging for your hand
waiting for your feed
tell you of their pain
of how they're just like you
save them from themselves
this damage we can't undo