Jessica

He’s talking at her again explaining what she already knows. His mouth is moving in slow motion and all his words turn to static. She wants to slap him, but she won’t. She’s thinking very loudly in her head this is my job y’know!? I mean who does he think he is telling me the basics of-oh my god! Did he really just tell me what would improve my output!? He did-he fucking did! Her internal dialogue continues as her eyebrows begin to twitch this is the second time today someone with a penis decided to tell her what to do, how to do it, and why. Like she doesn’t already know.
He smiles at her “So we good?” he ask, “I mean about the marked items-everything else is perfect,” her eyes are piercing daggers through him, but she continues to smile warmly, “like seriously Jessica It’s beautiful work overall.”
Overall?! She’s biting her tongue-still smiling, “Thanks Herald I’ll get it in right away” he looks confused, but hands over the paperwork-her paperwork.
He pats her on the shoulder, inside she screams “Alright I’ll leave you to it.” Then he sees his buddy, Paul. Waving at him he begins to leave then turns back “Thanks again Jessica!” she smiles and waves her lips sealed.
Are you fucking kidding me? Oh god what a dickbag she’s looking over the paperwork as she walks back to her desk. She doesn’t see anything as she moves precariously on heels-she hates work attire. On her way she bumps into a cabinet and the doorway, seeing nothing-but red check marks-his red check marks. He’s only been here two months longer than me-and I’ve been here three fucking years! Oh and that’s wrong-really no no it isn’t and-and-oh what a stupid dick!
At her desk she’s reading over every mistake, scoffing at the idea that they are in fact mistakes. All the while her delicate manicured fingers are working the mouse to reprint-no edits needed. Clearly.
Her office mates walk in-he’s flirting with Sandra again. Of course. Jessica Is still looking at her paperwork, but she’s listening to every inappropriate thing they say. They should just fuck already mentally she sighs. “Welcome back” she’s smiling but still looking over the red checks, a sort of tertiary victory lap because again nothing is wrong. “How was lunch?” she doesn’t really care.
Sandra smiles at her throwing a wad of crumpled paper at Jacob “great-we gotta go smoke” Jessica nods putting down her work ignoring the play fighting that had begun.
Pulling a cigarette and lighter from her desk drawer “I’ll meet you there gotta turn in the weekly report” she then shuts down her desktop standing to leave noticing that Jacob was nearly on top of Sandra’s desk shooting staples at her.
Laughing holding her own supplies in one hand and swatting at Jacob with the other Sandra manages “alright mee-ah stop it!” laughter turns to startled giggles as his tactics change to a rubber band scare “-out there. I’m gonna get you-” the noise fades quickly as Jessica moves toward the printer.
Her items are the only on the tray so it’s a quick trot to the inbox. We’ll see who’s needing improvement after Barbara looks at it, she’s thinking as she places both versions in the box, the edits under her own, an easy mistake that results in her knowing Herald’s thoughts in the matter.
She then heads to the parking lot. The last haven for the few remaining smokers in the building. Sandra, remarkably, is already there and had just finished lighting her slim. “O-M-G!” she exclaims as Jessica comes into sight thinking Sandra honey you are too old to say that! “You’ll never believe what jerkface told me at lunch!” she begins immediately to describe the outing. They go to the mall, they picked the pizza place, they got in line and so forth.
Jessica nods and smiles appropriately taking long slow drags from her cigarette. She’s thinking of how long it’ll take Barbara to get back to her and wondering what time it is. If it’s close enough to supervision she’d just do it then.
“Can you believe it?” Sandra ask, the crows feet that decorate her eyes all, but shift direction.
Jessica’s full attention returns to her, “Of course I can! Especially with how he was acting when you guys got back” she takes a chance with that reply not fully remembering what was said.
“I know right!” Sandra’s all smiles-Jessica got it correct this time. She usually does, she’s thinking this smiling smugly as Barbara pops up.
She’s not suppose to interrupt the smoke breaks, but she always does “are we doing supervision?” she’s smiling so everything is okay it would seem.
“Yes, I’ll be right there” Jessica is thinking horrible thoughts, but she smiles. Putting out her cigarette and palming the trash she follows her supervisor inside Sandra having given the nod goodbye. Whelp guess it was later than I thought Jessica makes it to her office then drops the burnt bud into her trash thinking she’ll love that.
Barbara is fiddling with papers of all sorts before putting them down in the chaos of her desk, pulling out the paperwork-Herald’s corrections on top. “Thanks for joining me” she’s being condescending, but Jessica’s used to this.
“Sorry had a long talk with-”
“Herald I’m assuming” she’s smiling ever so sweetly, but her voice is rather harsh.
“Yes I-”
“I’m confused. I’m really confused Jessica I find you smoking outside after getting both of these things” she places the corrections besides the clean printout “I mean you didn’t do anything with it and I can’t understand why” her face is still sweet, but her tone makes Jessica want to scream.
She’s thinking rapid fire of what to say screaming inside are you fucking serious!? Are you for real right now? Like-what the fuck! “well, um, you see I wasn’t really sure what he meant by everything and he wasn’t clear in the talk we had” she swallows Barbara nods for her to continue “so Sandra and I went to smoke so I could clarify things-y’know when we go out there it’s usually work related so-”
Barbara stops her and begins to explain the red check marks, her tone is softer now much, more appealing. Jessica is still furious thinking are you fucking serious right now?! Like what the hell you know I’m right-you know I’m right-goddamn bitch just because you want to suck his dick-ugh I can’t believe it-why do I work with such idiots!

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Restart.

Captivate my heart
my mind
break these bones
no longer mine
I have fallen
in coarse dirt
scraped my knees
everything hurts
capture all
that might have been
restored bones
and greater skin

Price per pound

Worth the empty nausea
the pain that comes
with starvation
the feeling you’ll
succumb to death
forget it all
it’s worth all this
the cramps, the vomit-
all the confusion
you’ll feel better
protect the illusion
everything will be
just fine
you’ll get thin
and possibly die
worth the empty nausea
if your corpse is thin enough.

Fountains and Punishment

If this is what you wanted
I’m dying on the floor
bound in all my past sins
forever to absorb
all the pain I’ve written
I’m lost and wanting more
more of some reprieve
I know of punishment
but I can hardly breathe
everything is dead here
and there is no escape
I am in the fountains
the rain has beat me down
if this is what you wanted
let me swallow and drown.

Knowing the age of consent

Blame the dead
become the abuser
use Weinstein excuses
and beat the accuser
claim to be the victim
when you raped a child
claim you didn’t get raped
and your experience is vital
Asia Argento raped a child
Asia Argento admitted
to raping a child
Asia Argento is a rapist
don’t muddle words
just raise your fist
he was a child
she was thirty-seven
don’t need to discuss this
this rapist admitted
she is a rapist
a rapist of children
it’s not overreacting
or hyperbole
it’s just the truth
it’s now reality.

When you ask them not to

Even if you tell them
they’ll never forget to say
You look so good,
so thin, so good-
you look so beautiful-
so damn good.
You’ve lost weight
but have you ate?
Before you answer
just let me say
you’ve never looked
so beautiful
you’ve never looked
so good at all.
You feel better-don’t you?
You feel good-now say it!
Say you feel better-
say you feel good-
don’t you feel healthier-
I knew that you would,
say that you feel good
say you feel better
say you feel great
no matter the case.
You’ve become thinner
so you must be safe
I asked you if you’d eaten
but you didn’t say
I look so good,
so fucking lovely,
didn’t I say
I’m anorexic, honey?

When things break

Broken, broken promises and glass
every thought you’ve never had
every want goes unfulfilled
you never lost the will
kept your head from drowning
broken now, but climbing
forever now subsiding
and turning down the edge
of broken glass and bread
broken, broken glass and shards
taken out the heart and
forgotten every scar.

Karen

His lips melt over hers-not in that pleasant way. She’s breathing in his cheap cologne thinking she wants to go home, but he’s got his hand on her thigh. Her hands are getting numb as they dangle from his shoulders, but she’s not really concerned with touching him. His tongue enters her lips, and she returns the favor. Grabbing his hair she bucks her hips toward him thinking maybe things will go faster, though, she doesn’t want sex.
Maybe, maybe she’s thinking she’ll give him some head. Now her mind races to how sexy she is-she’s been told she gives the best head. His hands are up her shirt, a flash of cold then off it goes. He’s all over her. Though he’s pawing at her bra like a dog-suits the way he kisses. He’s moved on to removing her pants, but that’s alright she’s teasing him after all. Though she wonders why it’s always the girl who ends up naked first?
He’s kissing her neck now while she passively plays with his hair. He’s just slobbering. She pushes her breast toward his face giggling while wrapping her legs around his waists. He’s so into me right now the thoughts are like music as she begins to rotate those hips. His hands are busy undoing his pants. While his attention lapses she starts thinking about his beard-she doesn’t like beards. And she doesn’t like his nose now that she’s actually looking at it. His lips hit her tummy rubbing that gross beard on her skin, she giggles, but doesn’t move. He’s going down kissing her lightly as his hands slowly work her panties down
She takes off her bra while he navigates her limp legs working the underwear out of the equation. Before he can resume anything she reaches for his shirt breathing sensually “fair is fair”. He swallows hard. She’s such a tease!
He then smashes into her face, kissing her hard, but basically proving once again that he’s a dog. At least now she can can feel his abs!
She’s almost giddy until he begins to kiss her ear the sound almost deafening. She squirms. He grunts-he thinks he’s done a good thing. So he dares to whisper “will you suck my cock?”
Her eyes widen “what?” she gasp “how dare you!” pushing him off with both her hands and feet “get out!” she jumps up off the coach. She grabs her shirt to cover herself and screams “get out pig!” throwing his pants and shirt at him she doesn’t notice his confusion. Even if she did she wouldn’t care-how dare he just assume she’d give him anything!
He’s frantically throwing clothes on while she glares, breathing heavily while trying to maintain cover with a shirt far too small. “Woah-I’m-I’m sorry” he stammers wanting nothing more than to be out of this situation. Pants still undone he’s moving toward the door his shirt over his head, he’s struggling.
The struggles kinda cute she thinks shaking her head and doing the shirt too assist him.
When it pops over his head she’s smiling “don’t be such a gross pig next time” opening the door for him, she giggles “call me later”

Frame the jigsaw

Separate the piece within
from the rest that’s been given
the puzzle paints the vision red
and leaves the rest soaking wet
every piece a perfect picture
of the words you never say
everything you sound display
dark and black just like decay
the soul that birthed the picture
left a hole inside you can’t forget