Tested

Reality doesn’t want me

the devil still he haunts me

and all the while I go mad.

A raven haired woman with bones

of ash

blood of glass-

this is all I have!

Memoirs and poppycock,

pitchforks and apricots,

my heart a metal piece

rusted death defeated.

Kick me down-I need it.

Forfeit love-conceited.

This is my soul-unfree it.

I took it all-

didn’t mean it.

Take it all back-

I’ll leave it.

This is my luck; mistreated,

broken and numb-left bleeding.

I have no home-don’t need it.

Reality not my own-so be it.

My body is on loan-just leased it.

The angels say “not long

you are needed” I will never run

just weaken.

 

the painting

Slit my wrist-

push me off a cliff

and call out

“you’re falling.”

Livings overrated leaves

you numb, and feeling jaded

though the sad fact is

that I would hardly know.

My veins stretch cross the sky now

found draped like lightening

flowing down, down

til-reaching open skull fill-filling up the brain exposed to wind and rain

the impact the trauma and shame.

Low in the sky my torso

it glides gracing the horizons

severed and true. The wounds that

it wears hidden by air

the sunshine it blesses pale skin.

The scars light hides

as the shadow inside keeps watch behind darting eyes.

Body displaced behind currants of shame my life just a script

for the play.

No one will watch it, but

praise what they gain from the scene-not real.

Kill me so softly, brutal and wanting

leave me to die as I’ve lived.

 

out of faith

And I am your savior

I bare your cross

take on your burden

no matter the cost.

A servant upheld as

a Goddess in chains

take out my heart

bury my veins

praise me then beat me

forgotten my name.

A wasted piece of divinity

a life built in shame

my gifts merely parlor tricks

unless they bring you fame.

Drink my blood for mercy

take my eyes for grace

listen to my words but

only when they pay.

For when you disagree

punish me without compassion

make me cry, make me scream

bruise your worthless Goddess

bring her to her knees.

Never once suspecting

she could make you king

my gift a promise from

the One you deem Supreme,

all I would have asked

is freedom from this place

instead I’m rooted in this hell

growing demons out of faith.

 

tell me

Tell me

that you love me

I’ll do anything.

Tell me that

I’m worth more than faithless

rosaries

more than faceless saints and demons

more than taken on my knees.

Even if I’m moaning, mouth full of your disease

just for tonight allow me to believe-

tell me that I’m loved

never to be freed.

Give me just a moment

chain me to your bed

use me like an altar

sacrifice my head.

Tell me that you love me,

lie to me again,

tell me that you’ll want me even

when I’m dead.

I’ll do anything

to feel alive instead

torture me so sweetly, assault

my heart and then;

remind me that I’m crazy

but you’ll have my flesh again.

Lie to me in scars, in ripping out my eyes

tell me I’m a joke then mesmerize my insides.

I’ll do anything just to feel,

I’ll make myself your God,

your whore, your fear.

Tell me that you love me

tell me I believe.

Tell me that I’m strongest when

I am on my knees.

 

in the night

Come to me,

break down the walls to save

this broken tattered thing.

Come to me

covered in old scars and others blood-dried to compliment skin deep.

Come to me,

hide your truth and smile.

Come to me

bitter old queen of guile

for I love games and plays,

riddles and tricks-

my methods prick a spindles gift.

Come to me

and join the dance my masquerade

prepared at last!

All these nightmares come to past

burning all, both;

bone and mask.

Come to me

feast tonight

and I will rid you of your fright,

there has never been a need

but here we sit while she bleeds.

Oh, ugly, beautiful, fiend

monster lost in playing queen

tragic what’s be done to she.

Still, we are, and so it be.

I will see the death of her

for each and every spoken word.

Come to save me,

come to see,

a monster pretending to be queen

thinking all the while of besting me

oh the folly in which you dream

has led you to your death it seems.

 

come complete

Shaking limbs and boiling bile

my gut trembles-suicidal.

Give the pills and pins away

hush the sound

don’t let them stay.

Solidify, recreate, what comes from blood they punish these days!

Yet these ashes are here to stay nothing comes from nothing

anyway.

Every word, every word, no one understands a single verb

mind is gone the Beast has won,

I’m still not sure this game is done.

Kill the fire in her eyes

take her blood the taste divine

I’m the voice behind the light

get the door the demons alive.

Stomach twisting, turning spin

read the fate that is within

kill the martyr she is sin

kill the Mirror before she wins!

Stomach churning, shaking limbs, boiling bile my dreams are dead.

Goodbye to who I might have been. Puzzle pieces that never fit

a life of which I must submit

give away my stones and lyre

take this hearth my souls a liar.

Kill me now

I must confess I’d give my life

for much less

come to me as we once did.

Come to me as when my youth was spent

forgive me Father for this life I’ve lived.

 

last meal.

Rage soothes the sorrow

with dreams of tomorrow

a new dawn greeted in blood.

Flowers of Algernon,

free kill to Babylon

the Beasts is soaking in blood.

Slow-pain and suffering, fresh flesh and offal feast

everything still fresh for the fill-beating and bleeding

keep that bitch breathing!

We’ll see her beg for mercy first!

Cut to the bone you’ll see,

keep that wench anchor her feet!

Drag you through hell and weep

only to soothe fired meat-muscle crisp and sweet,

watch you squirm, you never learn,

chew chard flesh-fully earned.

Dragged you through hell we know you so well,

you’ll die before you own what you did!

Don’t you understand she was just a kid!

A girl the Beast would maintain.

Rage soothes the sorrow

we’ll live through tomorrow

drown them in blood bathes and flames.

You’ll see the fire mother of liars our gift to you slow cooks in shame.

 

I don’t know.

I don’t know

I’m crazy

maybe, maybe I’m just lazy.

Why don’t you punish me baby?

Throw me down, save me,

tear me up, blame me.

I know, I know, I’m crazy

certifiable excuse to be shameless

dirty, filth, nameless

run the streets naked.

Howling at the moon faithless

medicated goon paraded, berated for baggage and brawn

vagrants without a home-face it.

This is the sum-tasted.

Broken, and numb-wasted.

I know, I know I’m crazy

delusional and hasty

irrational!

Save me!

blind and dumb- this isn’t fun.

Rip me apart take the heart

leave me hallow.

Forget tomorrow.

Punish me baby for being lazy

a victim of rotten, but mostly forgotten

motivation on the floor.

Who really bothers

for a loon with her problems

a witch who has broken good form.

I don’t know I’m crazy

there’s no one to save me.

Just keep being hazy,

slit wrist, maybe?

True to form raving

madness I’ll keep saying

just me being lazy.

At least that’s how it’s sold.

 

Coming alive

And when I say

goodbye

to my mother’s lies

a piece of me dies.

I cry always knowing why;

this is my life the Golden God on

ice-frozen cold just vice,

a drink of fire and strife.

Oh when I say-when I say goodbye

the world it closes in on me,

the lies the only thing I breath

sweet tragedy of what’s been done to me

a broken doll left with tattered dreams,

empty porcelain shell of what she ‘ought to be.

Goodbye, goodbye, sweet goodbye

just open up the seam kill the dolly hear

her scream.

Let it out, let it out,

what’s been done to me

discarded wretched thing a queen without

a king.

All the while-goodbye, goodbye

no more lies

the doll she’s broken, dying, coming alive.

 

rotten

Inside it’s dying that Snow White incarnate, it’s lying on the floor, crying

Oh God it’s writhing!

Red as an apple,

Blue as her cheeks,

Choking her out wouldn’t that be neat?

Bloody fist and broken skull vengeance sought might soon be won.

Undead princess zombie lead

Evil deeds repaid what’s been done to she;

play this game oh Lord it’s sick!

Ribbons soaked in envy, vomit, and spit.

Lacy dresses, nylon calve heaven, pretty dead girls in mommies best linen, drenched in her best cheap bought perfume.

A reminder of who she owes what too.

Strangle the killer; show that hateful bitch what she’s good for!

No, no, be the good girl.

Dead but still walking more time without breathing. Loose weight without eating.

Keep putting up with the beatings,

won’t let you go-misleading.

Gives you false hope-still bleeding.

Bred to be numb-just kneeling.

Keep in your place no speaking.

Ill-gotten child no weeping.

This is my right-hand I’m taking

whatever you got-dead weakling.

She ripped out her heart-still beating.

Rotting inside-still feeling.

Angry and numb.

Just kill me.