I need this

I need this to be real
to validate how I feel
to keep me in the right
to know I’ve lost no sight
I need this nightmare to bleed
bleed into reality
to be right in front of me
I need this to be real
I need to know it’s right to feel
to see oppression and pain
even on a good bright day
to be miserable because I know
know the world is letting go
I need this to be real
need to validate how I feel
to know that I am right
even though my truth is a lie
I need this to be truth
no matter how obtuse
I need it to be true
I need to know I’m better than you
that I am right and know much better
that this reality is tethered
to the nightmares I need to be real
even if it’s painful wounds can’t heal
I need this to be real
for me
doesn’t mean that I can’t see
only that I am right believe
I need this to be real
I need this to have happened
I need to know I’m right
that indeed I’m fighting the good fight

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And now

I want to do so much
want to get it done
I want to finish up
but movement is not fun
my brain has crippled me
and now
now I’m so worn out
barely even write
I focus on eating
to survive
slowed down
and I’ve forgot
how I did so much
feeling so lost

Growing thorns

Watch the roses grow
and say you’ll always show
the pride that’s in your heart
you’ve made gardening an art
the joy that comes with bloom
ignore the thorns and fumes
pretend the roses smell
as beautiful and frail
watch the roses grow
red blossoms bloom and show
the love of all you’ve made
they take your pride and spade
bought the home you live
the garden blessed within
watch your roses grow
ignore the thorns and hope
that everything you’ve wrought
won’t kill what little happiness
you’ve got

Everybody knows Ed Buck

Everybody knows
Ed Buck,
everybody knows
what he does,
everybody knows
why he’s free,
the man’s the money
behind the dream.
Everybody knows
Ed Buck
West Hollywood staple
what luck
he preys on black men
gets them hooked on meth
and when they die
everybody knows
Ed Buck.
Everybody knows
this fuck
but he pays to play
until he’s done
tragedy comes at the end
we all know
where the money led.
Everybody knows
Ed Buck
everybody knows
what he does
pays the democrats
then he saves his own ass
another dead meth head
for him to love.
Everybody knows
how this ends
we forget this story
and it begins again
Ed Buck will continue to play
black men in bright light of day.

Between Stefani and Selena

There’s an excuse for everything
a shutdown switch baby
you pull that lever sweet
drop the anvil and we scream
there’s an excuse for everything
working with a man
everyone says was bad
the project purifying
you thought your career was dying
so we blame it on our health
it’s mental just as well
can’t question what I sell
never it’s my trauma that is felt
there’s an excuse for everything
like selling wedding rings
do what you want with my body baby
and sing with a child rapist
I let him in just a little bit
there’s an excuse in this that’s it
blame it on my mental health
the universe is curious this time as well

The problem

Wait a minute-
you confused?
you think it’s about
something more obtuse?
Are you kidding
or just fucking stupid?
Is this a woman predator
or a child molester
did he rape little girls
and grew them to women
then why you fuckng taking
any media attention
this isn’t about you
this isn’t about a system
this is about children
and how we never listen
we feed them to the dogs
then we act surprised
when it means to us
we gotta sacrifice
you don’t want to look at
the truth that has been done
everyone’s a coward
when children are our plugs.
You acting all confused now
like you didn’t know
everyone knew the story
now his musics what they own
it’s not about a single
fucking grown adult
it’s how we fail the children
this is it, and that is all.

The listening lamb

Doublespeak, devil speak
who the fuck the demons be
you gotta listen, listen well
you know the enemy burns in hell
all the fire don’t turn to ashes
demons lace their beds with glass and
when you look it’s pretty crystal
do you know the myth in visuals
doublespeak yeah the devils word
who’s the sheep eating the verse
do you know where the demons be
or are you following the gilded leaf
everything takes care to hear
demons sing with angel ears
they know exactly what to say
whether it be fear or hope that preys
what you hear do you know what stays
doublespeak like devils do
the words are lies you thought were true

A boy like brother

Let’s get defensive
let’s get mean
let’s talk about reality
you wanna excuse
excuse behaviors
is it cause your brother
or just the new dick savior?
Nicki feeling thirsty
got that cheap on the brain
wants to get defensive
he was just fifteen
forget about the manslaughter
just float on being queen
drag yourself through dirt again
just to prove you real
garbage is a hell of drug
when you pretend to deal
so let’s get defensive
she runs her own life
so we can judge Nicki
for choosing a dud
a register sex offender
because her family is love.

My burden and yours

Let me be honest
I am a burden sometimes
when I have a freak out
it’s like living on ice
I’ve got some problems
that could give you your own
I know I am a burden
it is my life after all.
Let’s just be honest
my symptoms affect you
I may be suffering
but you’re human too,
you won’t say the words
so let me just speak them
I am a burden
the burden you choose
I may be difficult
but let’s not get confused
difficult isn’t unwanted
unneeded or unloved
when I say I’m a burden
it means I’m something
others would give up.
Let’s just be clear
you’re a burden too
think about your illness,
disability, and truth
you can be quite difficult
and many will be pained
nobody is infallible, perfect
or a saint
everywhere there’s someone
who wished they hadn’t met you
so don’t forget there’s burden
even when you’re feeling special.

Repair the machine

Cut down the woods
break out the goods
put a bullet in Fido
break the world
not mine though
drink the poison
and the well
know how you are
time will tell
cut down all
that might prevail
and you’ll find you
have not repaired.