Finding me

I thought I loved you
then I walked further on outside
I saw the real sun
the kind you can’t hide when it’s this bright
I thought I knew trust
like it was something we just do
like, I like this person so I trust them that’s the truth
but it’s not true
I never trust a single body
I never let them in though they thought I did
never spoke the truth to nobody
I thought they loved me
made excuses every damn day
why’d they forget me
why didn’t they invite me to stay
I thought you trusted me
that I was the dramatic one
saying you only come around when you need something
that’s for sure
you only came around when you needed me
to do what no one else would get done
I thought we were more
lovers and friends alike
but I got played hard
and at the very end of the night I walk home alone
don’t get no call in the morning, no
I just walk on alone
and realize I never felt anything close to love
because I never trusted you
nor did I really have respect
you thought you knew me
but you haven’t learned a damn thing yet
and now it’s over
so neither of us will know
what really went on here
I guess we’re just footprints in the snow
I thought I loved you
but I was too guarded to see
that I didn’t need you I just needed somebody
something to cling to
while I was desperately finding me.

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Screaming and dreaming

Screaming and dreaming
that this will all now end
the river of blood
that it has been pretend
that every pain and cut
that we have suffered
is just another nightmare
existing under covers
screaming and dreaming
of something than the other
every bit of malcontent
the dreams of cowards
years we spent
and now it ends with this
screaming in the decadence

Nothing comes

Fire burning inside
the feelings stop when you cry
everything is dying
this bitter word keeps calling
ashes become flesh and
and everything is falling
fire burned forever
screams don’t make it better
tears just wet the ashes
and everything starts crumbling
crumbling down dusting
dusting all below see
and nothing comes from crying

Accept it’s over

How do you grow
how do you change
how do you find
the truth about strength
how do you grow
make your own name
if you just curl up
accept death as your fate
cry in a corner
let trauma have it’s due
never get over
don’t heal just take the roots
cut your own wrist
and finish what’s been started
die in the birth
of who you should be
but aren’t yet
how do you become
anything different
if you can’t grow
from what you have dealt with
how do change
become someone stronger
if you just lay down
don’t accept that it’s over?

Dry floor

Trying not to breathe
be anything but me
break down
and break some more
keep writhing on the floor
fall down don’t try again
keep bathing in dead skin
keep drinking from that well
keep drowning in the sun
baked by light and air so fun
trying not to breathe
lungs try desperately
be anything but me
dead if it has to be
break down and then again
writhing in this sin
drinking all that’s come before
drowning on dry floor

Looking through the skin

A demon lives within me
she wins most every time
not even love can save me
I’m running out of rhymes
nothing in me is pure now
though it may appear that way
everything is darkness
everything is rot
there’s nothing left inside of me
nothing she hasn’t got
a demon lives within me
she’s everything I am
and if I go on living
I must make a stand
I must kill what’s within me
so the demon can never leave
living is so much harder
now that the demons all I see

Otherwise

Otherwise it hurts too much
bent the steel this time enough
built a cage for me and you
a new a bleaker kind of truth
otherwise I think in rhyme
can’t afford these thoughts of mine
drinking for another way
the pain it causes hurts to say
and when it’s over the cage is done
I live quite cozy without the sun
otherwise I’ll break apart
lost without these thoughts an art

All I’ve got

Please just let me go
if you don’t think I know
the hate you gave me to eat
I chew the fat and drink the rain
the rain it falls from tears I make
please just unchain me now
you don’t hear the very sound
of me screaming crying out
let me go or kill this flesh
bleed me dry drink what’s left
please just free me from this hell
I once did think you knew me well
but now I’m crying in the dark
the hate you give it’s all I’ve got

Bleed for

Drawing lines on floor boards
wiping out the old score
tears we drink them down more
before we go insane
before we drown in rain
the sorrow in our veins
we drink away the pain
drawing lines on floor boards
the panels show no scores
it’s all about the new floors
tears we drink them down more
and tell ourselves what we bleed for

What you bring

Tear apart the tattered pieces
broken now no longer needed
a dream or two you cannot spare
no need to think we can’t repair
just tear apart what’s been shattered
grind it down into fine powder
blow the dust away with time
it’s been quite broken this heart of mine
tear apart these shattered pieces
what’s been broken is no longer needed
so say goodbye to the dust now gone
tear apart what you brought along.