Not a home

The lake is frozen over
the house abandoned still
the snow has all but covered
beneath the sky unfilled
memories are fleeting
trapped they never will
find themselves much thought of
prevented endings always thrills
the lake is frozen over
the icicles fall on heads
and everything is broken
frozen in the cold
the house is still abandoned
still is not a home

The way

This isn’t what I wanted
always said that wouldn’t be me
learned that life is funny
and it doesn’t care what you think
you don’t get to choose when you mess up
you don’t get to wash it away
no you have to live with what you’ve done here
you have to live with what you did
even when you were to young
even when you’re too old
you have to live up to memory
you have to reap what you sow
you can’t just keep what you want to believe
pretend that the truth is your own
always said that wouldn’t be me
learned the hard way it’s who I am
can’t take back what I’ve done in life
can’t pretend it’s not bad
all I know is I’m where I am at
where I’d like to go
maybe if I’m wise enough
I just might see the way

Build

Building back some bridges
but only underneath
they aren’t for any real use
just plain old memory
building up those bridges
that we once burnt down
building up defenses
seems so silly now
as underneath it all
everything was there
all the pieces shattered
all in disrepair
all the rubble sitting
sitting in a void
building back some bridges
but only what’s been left
underneath the road
without much use I guess

Looking back

I just wanna go back
always looking back
wanna go back
to when everything was better
it really wasn’t but
I just wanna go back
back to where it first began
before I made these mistakes
all the choices I could wait
wanna do it again
keep dreaming of then
even though at that time
I wanted to die
I just wanna go back
back in fucking time
I’m always looking back
looking back at what has been
wanna go back
I just wanna relive
every single mistake
every mishap every misstep
I just don’t want to think
think about growing old
I just wanna be young
pretend my life is like a movie
I just want to go back
back before I became
someone with responsibility
before I grew up
before I had to come to terms
be my age and learn
I just wanna go back
back before I thought about my life
and my death
when growing old felt like
a dream and then
all that ignorance
I just wanna go back

The script

Do you see what I see?
Can you read the script?
Do you know what’s coming up
when you’re done with it
or do you just keep living life
repeating what you did-
is it all that matters
or nothing quite at all?
Can I still be in it
when it’s said and done
or have I been rewritten-
another story gone?
Do you see what I see?
Or is it all made up?
Do I live my life here
or did I hit the hard restart.

Unwashed

We don’t know how to let go
to move on anymore
we don’t know how to let go
to heal or leave it behind
we just hold on
hold on too tight
we use the loss to keep us up at night
to grant us power and make us seem
like we deserve attention and things
we don’t know how to let go
four years later we bring it up now
won’t move on anymore
we keep standing at the door
waiting using and feeling the loss
we don’t let go we’re all unwashed

Picture perfect

Picture,
picture perfect
the time it takes
to get
to working
the door is open
it never closes
picture has
what comes from
moments
methods of
our shared destruction
you remember
what’s to come
through pictures perfect
memories
a garden of roses
or of a garden of weeds

No memory

I’ll break out
leave this place somehow
drop these chains so loud
shake the ground
I’m gone now.
I’ll leave this place
no memory
I’ll let it go
this time for me
I’ll walk this road oh you will see
I’ll take the path less meant to be.
I’m gone now
left this place and got out
broke the chains the ground shakes
I left this place
no memories
you don’t need any more of me.