Ms. Bell

It is the time of slow decay. She thought to herself as people rushed by, nearly running down the halls, maybe to help, but most likely to appear busy. The world is dying and no one wishes to do a thing-because ‘how can I be part of the problem?’ She wanted to scream but that would do no good. To look crazy only makes than feel more “appropriate”. The undesirables make everyone else eel as thought they are not part of the problem. That is the trouble with insignificance no one feels important as an individual-not really. Eve when they claim too. The most vain individual is only vain due to humanity. We are the species of conscious action. Bullshit. We are ants with bigger brains! She sat watching the ants scurry leaving their scents for the others to follow-sickening. There were murmurs about as people passed the office where she sat. Drove her mad! Murmurs, glances, and smiling faces-boy oh boy-that song begins to play and everyone rolls snake eyes. The world is in slow decay and they are just snakes watching it rot. Lying about why they are here-to help people send’em to an early grave! If she could scream she would, but she would not give them another reason to call her mad. To feel as thought they belong! No one belongs here-the only good human is a dead human-mass extinction!
A doctor passed slowly gliding on long legs he was an older man much older than the nurse he flirted with much older than his skin would lead on-too old some might say. The pair looked into the room smiled and he said “just a moment ma’am” who the fuck does he think he’s calling ma’am? We both know he’s thinking other things-they always are. A moment passed and four individuals walked in; the old doctor, the young RN, the well dressed Administrator, and the bitch of a social worker-always saying I understand, what could she possibly understand.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Bell, thank you so much for meeting with us today.” His thin lips formed a smile slick and sleazy-old man is a snake! The four took a seat smiling in the same disgusting fashion. No one said a thing. The doctor just stared and smiled welcome me how dare he! “How are you feeling today?” he asked smooth like honey. Sickening. She stared-not going to give him a lead. “ot feeling up to talk today?” the social worker shifted as he spoke-she would be opening her mouth next.
“I’m feeling fine, doctor.” the act of speaking was troublesome the voice cracked and felt foreign, but she made peace knowing it was no use to disown it. Especially, now.
“That’s good Ms. Bell. Do you remember why we are meeting?” the social worker winced he was insulting her tactful demeanor.
“Oh! No doctor, I haven’t a clue-I must have forgotten-I am mentally ill after all.” She said smiles all around. The social worker held back a snicker-she was a witch but she never acted as though she was above-special training.
“Well Ms Bell-”
“No, doctor, I remember quite well why you called me here. It was you who wanted this meeting, yes?” she sounded unwell a deep yet crackled voice coming from someone they’ve already deemed bat shit crazy!
“Ms. Bell we are all very much a part of this meeting.” The Administrator sounded in to the relief of the doctor.
“We all met to dis-”
“Me. Yes, ma’am I know I may be a loon but I’ve got more education than you of that I am sure.” She watched the admin’s eyes narrow and knew she hit a soft spot. Dressed the way she is you can guess she needs validation, undeserved but masses eat a brand ame like small disgusting fish eggs-nobody truly knows why.
“No one called you a loon Ms. Bell.” She replied looking to the good doctor to continue.
“We wanted to meet to discuss some concerns” he paused a moment looked to a clip board “…noncompliance as of late with treatment and what appears to be a correlation with disruptive behaviors; aggressive yelling directed primarily at staff.” He looked up flashing bright aged blue eyes.
“We are just concerned Ms. Bell as to why you have decided to stop taking your meds” the witch chimed in, as she probably thought the doctor was about to trigger poor crazy Ms. Bell.
“I stopped Mrs. Garcia because the pills are making me sick”
“How?” the doctor asked before she could reply.
“My body aches, I’m vomiting, I sleep far too much, I don’t feel a thing-but obviously that is your concern these things keep me ‘behaving’”
“You have not brought your physical ailments to the nursing staff.” The young RN state matter-of-factly covering your ass, I see little girl?
“I spoke to my nurses daily about it-though I suppose your charting would disagree-but I’ve a list of names and times in which I discussed how the medications made me vomit, shake, hurt all over, and sleep far too much, but feel a sense of exhaustion no matter how much I slept the day prior.” She handed over a copy of her notes “Wont mean much but I wanted to give it to you all the same.” the administrator grabbed the papers, scanned the chicken scratch writing and marveled knowing that she did in fact get it coped-who would copy this crap!? Normal’s always hate seeing their faults.
“Well, Kendra, we will look into all of this. Ms Bell I’m sorry that their may have been a lack of communication-”
“Don’t patronize me. I understand that you may on a surface level believe that this a mere lack of communication, but on some level-probably deep, deep, down you know it’s a complete disregard for care.” her voice crackled and its pitch heighten-a gurgle in between and a tongue lashing to the lips before the point-everyone winced.
“That is the point of this meeting Ms. Bell-care.” The good doctor spoke his glassy eyes fixated on the list. “Noncompliance with your psychotropic medication has and can continue to have increasing dangers for your well being…” he paused pulled a piece of paper from his pile and continued “these side-effects don’t seem to correlate with your medications so we will need to run some labs to see why you are really vomiting, the drowsiness is something that could be from a number of things but I do believe that we might want to reassess your medications, but it still remains that you need to take them, we have explained the policy on tongue and cheek-ing medications, yes?” The good doctor asked-no care-just more warm bodies to re-simulate.
“Yes.” She sighed. She was warned. She was informed. The golden rule posted at the nurses station. You must take all medications given.
“So..”he began as Kendra stood and excused herself “Kendra will bring your medication for the afternoon will you comply?” all eyes on Ms. Bell she breathed deep, her long frayed grey hair framing her blank face, her dry cracked lips pressed tight, her grey eyes lined with deep crows feet watered-the normal, highly desirable, there was no need for consent from someone like Ms. Bell in her dirty salmon color cotton maxi dress-there was no need for Ms. Bell.
Kendra entered the room holding a clear cup of pulls and a cup of water in her delicate hands a smile on her dangerously painted face.
“Ms. Bell, will you take your meds?”
The thing about undesirables is that they are expendable Ms. Bell sat and stared at the cup she wanted to scream, but would not give these normal’s the satisfaction.
“Ms. Bell?”