I sometimes imagine
what it might be like
being you
the downward spiral
the death of joy
the bitterness of the slaves employed
kicking puppies
spreading lies
I sometimes imagine this life
the karma and pain
the trauma you make
slitting the throats of rabbits all day
killing the flowers
shit in the garden
the hate that you breathe out
I can’t really fathom
young people please
don’t become this
negative energy
it’s like drinking piss

The crazies

We all want to be crazy
drowning in our pain
talk about the cutting
kiss strangers in the rain
we all want to be broken
have problems not to heal
we just want the world to know
these problems are all real
we all want to be crazy
have trauma on the shelf
we just want to show our scars
all that social kind of wealth
drowning in our pain
we never really sink
our feet have hit the ground
we’re standing firmly now
but we will cry and weep
it’s the craziness you see

Refusing to relive it

She says it’s trauma
that her panic’s getting bad
like everybody’s placing bets
on how long she can last
while laying in the sun
the sand beneath her skin
she says that it’s trauma
that’s where it all begins
all the loose behaviors
all the fear she lives
it all started with a trauma
that she refuses to relive
she says that people talk
they talk about her life
how all the things she does
it’s just not fucking right
she says that it’s the trauma
the pain from long ago
she says she’s given up
on ever letting go
she says that it’s just trauma
that’s the way it really is
you never can get past it
so it’s better to just live
she says that it’s the trauma
driving everyone away
she refuses to relive it
so no one knows it’s name
she blames the whole damn family
because they do not know
she says her panic’s worse now

Accept it’s over

How do you grow
how do you change
how do you find
the truth about strength
how do you grow
make your own name
if you just curl up
accept death as your fate
cry in a corner
let trauma have it’s due
never get over
don’t heal just take the roots
cut your own wrist
and finish what’s been started
die in the birth
of who you should be
but aren’t yet
how do you become
anything different
if you can’t grow
from what you have dealt with
how do change
become someone stronger
if you just lay down
don’t accept that it’s over?

The horror trunk

Take the blood from roots
drain the veins that feed
all the losing battles
all the love supreme
judge the one eternal
for deeds done not by them
drown the child deeper
kill the kittens dead

Those that see

Jokers face within your nightmares
stirring you from restful sleep
you have seen the cards go wild
they will deal it what you keep
sleep forever not for dreaming
you will feed us what we need
a steady stream of all your screaming
a gentle disturbance for those that see


Fun undoes the trauma
if only for a moment
laughter heals the wound
that remains still open
everything exist all at once
and never
everything you miss
leaves you confused
much longer
smiles are just actions
but they cure the sadness
biological interactions
with this world’s dark madness


Harden me
harden me
make it hard to sleep
too dark to dream
every little part of me
a song to scream
another testimony
of this life I lead.
Harden me
break my bones and teeth
teach me what I need
to breathe and drink
the poison owed to me.