The secret

I told you the secret
I told you my love
that I am quite heartless
and desperate as fuck
everybody leaves me
though they don't go nowhere
pick me up and use me
like that uncomfortable chair
pity me for ransom
taking all my gold
I told you the secret
but you said I lie
told me you loved me
then started to cry
I know the truth here
I know your pain
used me for something
just changed my bad name

Just a taste

It taste like life she said 
bitter, but amazing
delicious, but still lacking
like honey
too much but not enough
it taste like love
fire that only singes 
coal that merely glows
she said it'll only ever happen once
a tingle on the tongue
a curling of the toes 
and then she said 
you no longer feel your nose

What did you believe

What did you do to me
when you thought I was in love
what did you steal from me
when you thought I'd never run
just like a child of three 
I believed everything I said
never thought I'd lie to myself
no never ever again
what did you do to me
when you thought I couldn't fly
what did you think I'd be
running throughout the night
did you ever believe
that I would stand so very tall
remember everything
before the lies consumed me whole 

That man of mine

Think I'll sit down and write a song
husband been gone now way too long
I've been drinking a little too much
got my gun and I'm ready to fuss
don't have much time
hope not now
that my old man comes around
oh he's been gone now a little too long
think that redhead sang a siren's song
but I don't go down no hill alone
I'll take my time and I'll take it slow
he'll walk in that door sometime 
and I'll be keeping that man of mine

Whatcha

Whatcha looking at my friend
do you see the bitter end
can no longer pretend
got your hand around my neck
fist it ties my heart
punching eyes in the dark
got me seeing stars
saying to myself it ain't this hard
whatcha looking at my love
got my heart filled with sun
everything comes undone
when it burns
whatcha looking for tonight
my love you know you can't
make it out right 
burning first now then no more
black eyes and closed doors

Socially lazy

I want you to want me to want you again
I want you to think crazy is beautiful like sin
I want you to need me the way that I crave
I don't know your story and yeah I've forgotten your name
but I want you to want me though I find you rather gross
I don't know why I love you but I do love you the most
I want you to tell me I'm so beautiful
keep me on your arm and never let me go
I want to love in fantasy
play pretend with you
like you are a doll to me and I a doll to you
because in the end I'll wear the scars
and you'll just call me crazy
and that is true but truer still is I'm just socially lazy

Don’t say

Don't say that you love me
I'm just here cause I'm lonely
I'm just here to hurt myself again
I don't even like your kind of men
you look so beneath me
this here's the trend
I'll fuck under covers just to bend
too feel myself still hurting without a pen
no razors needed here honey
not this time again
kiss me all over as I gag myself to sleep
I don't need your love
just want that ugly heat 
I don't give a damn for you
I don't have no love
I'm just killing time here
I'm cutting both my wrists
I'm just here 'til morning
whenever daylight breaks that is
stuck here in depression
I'm just living just to live

How many

How many times did I lie to you dear? 
Do you remember what brought us here? 
The simple way you breathed my name
did you ever think you'd say it again?
So many questions
I don't have answers too 
I've been thinking, thinking a lot about you
do you remember two years ago last fall?
We walked along that old brick road
the one that leads out to the street
almost got hit by a car
but you picked me up right off my feet,
do you remember the look on my face? 
The car was merely inches away
I didn't think I stepped off the curb
all you said was thank God you aren't hurt
how many times would you say that
before our time was through? 
How many more times would you pick me from the room? 
Take me home drunk in the rain 
tell me it'll all be okay
I don't know but I'd like to find out
it's just I'm not so bad right now
can't stop thinking of the pain it'd cause
you find me here sitting in my bra
how many more times can I show up unannounced 
before you change the locks on this old house? 
How many more times can I ruin your life? 
Haven't got it in me to take out that knife
but right now I'm not so bad
can't stop thinking I shouldn't do that
how many questions before I go home
turn out of this cul-de-sac and leave well enough alone

No one cares

No one cares
but nothing else matters
leave my heart
shredded and tattered
lost in a box you forgot long ago
broken and shattered
while it's barely grown
no one cares what you're doing
though they ask all the same
make sure displeasure is always displayed
know what you're doing means nothing at all
watching you walk
they hope that you'll fall
become slightly too human
forget what to say
they left my heart broken in the attic for days
trapped in a small box
shredded and tattered
they acted as though one day I might matter
but just like a baby left dead in its crib
gone before memory could ever forgive
but I kept on growing my heart in that box
lost and forgotten I'm feeling the cost
no one cares
but nothing else matters
at the end of the day I'm still living shatter
a remnant of something that died long ago
you may have forgotten but I've always known