The slow break

I’m sick and twisted
over moderately disturbed
but when you miss it
you’ll just make it worse
don’t dismiss it
just sit and listen
if you can’t hear me
then just get lost
because every single second
is a second cost
and every single moment
I remember it all
mind will play its tricks you see
I will remember everything
but nothing is what it seems
no, I can see what’s happening
I am sick
my mind is twisted
part of why
I can’t feel this love
it is gone as I am ill
one day soon I’ll know
how loss feels

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I just wanna escape
don’t want to think too much
just wanna play all day
forget the junk I have to do
just want to get myself through
don’t know the truth
drive through the night
all in my mind
thinking too damn high
I’m just stuck
just wanna escape
I’m too tired to
I just want to get through
want it all to be done
so I can continue

Almost free

I don’t want to hear it
not like this again
I don’t want to speak the words
screaming loudly in my head
I don’t want to be like this
forever and a day
to cry myself to sleep
while drowning in the rain
I don’t want to hear it
not like this right now
I just want to let go
accept this living hell
know that in the end
I made choices just for me
all of them quite bad
but I made them almost free

Off the floor

I don’t feel good
no not today
well again
like yesterday
maybe better
probably worse
I don’t feel good
no not today
I guess it’s just like
any other day
I don’t feel good
don’t want to eat
I just keep thinking
I should go to sleep
used to be able
to get out of bed
but today I don’t feel good
like I’ve already said
just like yesterday
and maybe before
I just don’t feel good
anywhere off the floor

Day by day

I’m not getting better
I just keep getting worse
here I am just tethered
to another verse
a song to sing so sweetly
that never goes away
it’s burrowed under skin
infected all my brain
I can’t keep from drowning
in the open air
I can’t keep from dying
I’m pulling out my hair
as everybody watches
enjoys the slow decay
I’m not getting better
just living day by day

Nothing comes

Fire burning inside
the feelings stop when you cry
everything is dying
this bitter word keeps calling
ashes become flesh and
and everything is falling
fire burned forever
screams don’t make it better
tears just wet the ashes
and everything starts crumbling
crumbling down dusting
dusting all below see
and nothing comes from crying

Looking through the skin

A demon lives within me
she wins most every time
not even love can save me
I’m running out of rhymes
nothing in me is pure now
though it may appear that way
everything is darkness
everything is rot
there’s nothing left inside of me
nothing she hasn’t got
a demon lives within me
she’s everything I am
and if I go on living
I must make a stand
I must kill what’s within me
so the demon can never leave
living is so much harder
now that the demons all I see

Bleed for

Drawing lines on floor boards
wiping out the old score
tears we drink them down more
before we go insane
before we drown in rain
the sorrow in our veins
we drink away the pain
drawing lines on floor boards
the panels show no scores
it’s all about the new floors
tears we drink them down more
and tell ourselves what we bleed for

Fight

Fight, fight back against the night
shutting eyes and thinking lies
somehow save the plight
don’t believe, don’t just run away
and cry
don’t drop to knees
unless your praying for the truth
fight, fight against the darkness
as it keeps you in the youth
the fear of growing older
from your parents now to you
fight against the thoughts
that nothing will get better
if you take up arms
we can end the terror
if every night you hide
cry yourself to sleep
another fight you lost
the dreams you cannot seek
fight, fight against the night
fight against the lies
fight for the real truth
hidden in disguise
fight, fight, fight and stay alive
listen to the truth not
just the feelings from inside
listen to the past and be mindful
of the truth
remember we aren’t special
the circle always moves

Middle of the night

Lies can make you happy
in the middle of the night
sing a pretty song
make the world a new delight
and cherish what’s not happened
forgetting that you cried
the lies will keep you warm
in the middle of the night
lies can make you happy
burn a fire keep you warm
lies can soothe the heartache
keep you from growing sore
no bitterness to swallow
no absence of the warmth
lies can keep you going
when all you want is to die
yes lies can change a lot of things
like temperature and pain
make the coldest of the midnight’s
feel like summer in the day
lies can do a lot of things
but in the end they’re lies
so careful what you tell yourself
to get you through the night