Open the box

Steal the seconds
of her life
drown her hope
and birth her strife
take the eyes
but leave her tongue
she will speak of
what you’ve done.



Fun undoes the trauma
if only for a moment
laughter heals the wound
that remains still open
everything exist all at once
and never
everything you miss
leaves you confused
much longer
smiles are just actions
but they cure the sadness
biological interactions
with this world’s dark madness

Those days

Everything is blank sometimes
running dry on laughs and rhymes
themes like empty kind of days
grey remarks and lazy rains
everything is slow and dull
the warmth of sleep
and dreams that call
you forget you’ve woken at all


A form of medication

Say it again
say that you need me
say that I’m here for a reason
say that I’m worth it
that I do deserve it
because I can’t feel real without it
say it again
say it for me
say it until I believe



Round and round and round we go
the music traps,the mirrors show
the faces beyond that grace bestowed
the truth behind the mask you bemoan
everything you ought to be
everything your purpose bleeds
round and round and round you’ll see
everything that’s meant to be
everything that’s out of reach
the music traps, the mirrors show
the nightmare kept-you’ve no control
Merry-go-round and round and round
it never stops
you can’t come down.



I guess it’s nothing
nothing but the bottom
the bottom of the hole we dug
given up-have we begun?
I don’t have the answer yet
but I will smile
and I will forget
then it comes-another day
everything’s fine-I am okay.


The reason is not nothing

Let me say it
let me speak the words
today’s not a good day
I know it’s absurd
that I’m a mess
the moment I wake up
but let me say the reason
the reason for this fuss
let me say it’s nothing-
nothing material
I’m just having a bad day
a bad day because-
you don’t want to hear it
but it’s more then a feel
some days are just bad days
when you’re mentally ill


If ever a friend would have me

And Death would be a sweet escape,

embracing life’s most evil fate,

its brittle bones, its empty heart,

a vacation from a most feeble art.

Oh how I’ve waited for this chance

to dance with the devil as we

seek ash

to look into eyes so seedy and vile,

to touch that which destroys with guile.

How I’ve longed for this embrace

from world a fire from souls encased.

Death would take me, I require

an escape so sweet slumber

so mild.

A life in abyss, a pit to sleep.

And Death would be so kind to me,

an old friend, a lover, a song birds tweet.

Oh Death would end this futile endeavor

my struggle, my tragic, my will forever.

(February me 2012)



I have lived a thousand lives
none of which were mine
I have shepherd many flocks
and been left by roadside
I have watched them come
and I have watched them go
speaking as they got the lessons
but never do they know.
I have lived a thousand lives
none of which were mine
guiding those who might have grown
if they had thought to thrive
but I know only of their choices
when they chose to go
I have lived a thousand lives
but never have I known
the kindness of mine own self
the emptiness I’ve sown.



The dissociated brain

Have you ever felt
inside out?
Backwards and forth
like someone else.
Ever looked at him
and thought that is me
felt the utter horror
of not existing
replace all your thoughts
with what his could be?
Just have to shake it off
no point in listening
it’s just your fucking mind
not reality
but this won’t move aside
no it’s meant to be
can’t hold this in sight
I’ve let go of me.
All these symptoms collide
and his face takes over me
he’s just handing me my change
but I’ve become a he
if I don’t break this hold
I might end up in ward b-reality
it chokes on my brains news feed.
I cannot keep up with these
thoughts you see
reality is not something meant to be
it’s quite tiresome you see
I can go a long way just to breathe
but the scenery becomes a bit of paint
and every interaction is unsafe
I may walk away fighting your face
thoughts of living your life in your place-
my reality in space, no memories or piece
of who I might be.
Have you ever lived your life this way?
I have to be aware to stop the pain
exhausted though I am
I will remain.