Why do I try
why do I write
why do I keep
trying to thrive
it just feels so wrong
it never pans out
I’m sinking lower
deep into doubt
there feels like
there’s nothing
nothing about
why do I bother
why do I shout
nothing really matters
at least not in the end
the books still unwritten
paused in my head
like something will happen
any old day
but then I remember
why I’m waiting again

Leave the light on

They leave the light on
cannot tell you what they think
they cry for hours
even when they’re fast asleep
they never tire
they never grow quite used to this
they leave the light on
but they’re always stuck inside the abyss
the darkness consumes
eats them up before it’s over
they leave the light
hope they’ll see it over their shoulder
but it’s black here
the darkness all but overwhelming
they leave the light on
it’s always there for the taking

Different dream

Looking little better than it did before
like the views the same from the valley to the floor
as everything is better but it means the old same thing
never really mattered even when I am in scene
the picture may be different the sky is always blue
looking little better than the previous afternoon
everything is meaningful everything is clean
everything’s the same better though it’s all a different dream

Time and starlight

I got the time
but ain’t got no motivation
seeing starlight
in the eyes of my vacation
distant dream and melody
that’s got me going mad
I got the time
but ain’t got nothing left to eat
cannot sit around and sleep
nothing left beneath my feet
I see starlight in the eyes of what I need
keeping close the very far away things
ain’t got nothing but the motivation leaves
talking up the type of things that I can’t breathe
seeing visions in the mirror I can’t see
ain’t got no time before it ends
or so to speak
ain’t got a dime in my pocket I can keep
in debt I only know that starlight bleeds
keeping you ain’t no closer to me

The devil is quite fascinating

The devil is quite fascinating
darkness is seductive
getting lost inside yourself
a tempting kind of offer
never looking quite outside
never feeling sad
the devil is a great companion
when you’re going mad
darkness is so quite seductive
everything obscured
knocking down the empty bottles
everything unfurls
the devil is quite fascinating
until you see the light
what’s hidden in the darkness
will haunt you in the night

Dirty floors

I don’t want to speak no more
keep finding words left on the floor
context riddled with excuses
half hearted and most obtuse when
I don’t want to clean them up
don’t want to speak
I’ve had enough
no one listens
no one cares
my floors are dirty
too many words to share

Tired of moving

I’m tired of not mattering
I’m tired of feeling cold
I’m tired of the moments loved
beginning to grow cold
I’m tired of the pattern
you refuse to see
I’m tired of being branded
framed for being me
I’m tired of the loneliness
that builds within my heart
I’m tired of being tired
it’s such an exhausting art
I’m tired but I’m not moving
I think I’ll remain right here
nothing to be done about it
nothing will change I fear

Just want to sleep

I just want to sleep
so tired don’t want to eat
lurking underneath my bed
I keep myself there instead
the sheets they are my covers
transparent I discover
every dream is broken
shattered from the smoke
and every time it breaks
we make ten more mistakes
I just want to sleep
sleep and never weep
the dreams won’t come again
I’m lost and dead my friend

Clowns in my head

I forget to take my medicine
forget to tell myself the date
I forget to take my medicine
the world falls slowly out of place
and then I’m in this mess again
I’m drowning just the same
burning into cinders
underwater and under sun
running in small circles
forgot my medicine
regretting the fun to happen
like the clowns in my head
singing ever singing
drowning deeper just because
I forget to take my medicine
and don’t get out of bed
not really sure how long it’s been
but the clowns are still in my head

The slow break

I’m sick and twisted
over moderately disturbed
but when you miss it
you’ll just make it worse
don’t dismiss it
just sit and listen
if you can’t hear me
then just get lost
because every single second
is a second cost
and every single moment
I remember it all
mind will play its tricks you see
I will remember everything
but nothing is what it seems
no, I can see what’s happening
I am sick
my mind is twisted
part of why
I can’t feel this love
it is gone as I am ill
one day soon I’ll know
how loss feels