Restore

It’s over now
but I’m not crying
drawing shades
and tearing up insides
broken bookcase
broken vase
tore the flowers
tore the walls
colored it all in red
it’s over now
and I’m enraged
engaged to be
so left alone
drawing shades
restore the home

I want

I like simple things
reds and greens
double long dreams
sweet cream in drinks
and powdered sugar teeth
I have but simple wants
girls in lacy leather tops
men in bright bow ties
children surrounded in lies
everything in mint chocolate
simple things yes I want them

I said, you said

You said you couldn’t
I said you shouldn’t
then you did
got caught up
torn apart
and left for dead
said you lost your head
said you need to go to bed
I said you shouldn’t
told you I wouldn’t recommend
you said you couldn’t
then you did it once again
and I said baby
you should’ve learned this lesson well
and now it’s over
sending you straight back to hell
you said you shouldn’t
I shot you right back down to earth
I said you shouldn’t
but you never really learned
and now it’s over
you shouldn’t be surprised
that it still hurts

If I could be

If I could be anyone
who would I be
would I want a new life
so different from me
forget who I am
how I’ve survived
get buried in cash
forget how to act
laugh at the same jokes
cry at the same notes
everything’s brilliant
when you for free
if I could be anyone
who would I be
choose a new body
delicately a new face
do I choose a different
more interesting race?
Should I be a hero or a villainous cad?
should I be a good girl or categorically bad?
If I can’t decide who to be in my life
I don’t know who I’d be
if it was mine too decide
would I have money and sacrifice my life
knowing what I know about the middle of the night
would I have nothing more than I want
a good paying job no debt to pay off
should dreams be simple or unattainably grand
am I a victim of my fantasy plans?

old disappointment

It’s the same old disappointment
again with a grave
another goodbye to a faraway face
someone I loved dear
someone I knew
it’d been a minute
more years than were due
I knew when we spoke last
deep in my bones
that’s the last time
I’d be hearing your voice
had tried to go see you
but life got in the way
though that’s just the polite way to say
it’s the same disappointment
again with a grave
someone said something
then they went away
I knew they’d all fail us
so I called you that night
cried when you heard me
told you I was alright
nobody cared much
not for my time
I’d say I’m sorry I failed
but I know I tried
it’s the same disappointment
but that’s how it goes
another goodbye to a faraway face
maybe they’ll tell me
where the funeral will take place

Again

Once again we’re here
back to where we were
maybe I’m wrong
I hope I am
hope I’m seeing wrong again
back and then it all goes black
drunk on what never comes back
a memory of what once was
a terrible tale of truth undone
once again we’re here
back to where it all began
death is such a familiar friend
when everything goes black again

Ponder

Give a little to the soul
remember you are growing old
everyday it’s taking hold
you believed and you were sold
give a little
lose a lot
burn the canvas
the paint is hot
burning the picture that we forgot
cast it away like the stress you breed
feeding in mourning
thanking the thieves
nobody cares
not really
but we give what we need
sell the soul once again
the drinks that spill on your head
you have died
and now you wander
give a lot gain lots to ponder

Forgotten call

Don’t call me family
I don’t need the trust
don’t need the trouble
that comes with us
don’t call me ever
not anymore
I don’t need to wind up
back on the floor
don’t need the trouble
don’t want the pain
don’t call me family
I’ve changed my name
moved on from forgotten
from mourning the rain
don’t call me now
not after you forgot
to let me back in
before everything’s lost
you never did call me
or send me a text
when he had died
I knew by pain in the chest

Trembling

Trembling
too much caffeine
got this over me
the drink that tips you over
remorse is growing sober
trembling
and wondering why
why I ever got so high
why the ravens drink and sway
sing and rhyme my soul away
rapping on the doors and reeds
talking of unspoken things
trembling my mind goes numb
too much caffeine
too much sun