A child’s monologue

Stop stop stop
get the fuck off me
get the fuck away
I don’t want to play
you’re the fucking adult anyway
why am I screaming
why am I crying
feeling terror building
ever building inside me
stop the fucking torture
end the fucking game
I’ve already cried out I don’t want to play
stop fucking touching me
get the fuck away
why are you so close to my fucking face
I feel so small now
can’t feel my ears
stop fucking screaming
I’m drowning over here
stop the fucking game I don’t know the rules
you’re the adult here
and I don’t understand
why the fuck are you laughing
while I’m terrified and sad

Blood diamonds

Blood diamonds on the water
in the veins and in the fodder
everything feels tasty good
the kind of thing misunderstood
the taste so sticky sweet in sin
the kind of thing you don’t let in
the kind of craving that kills the buzz
the open ended kind of love
blood diamonds kiss the sky tonight
off the ground the world so bright
as you eat the tasty right
the kind of drink you thought you chewed
blood and gold they drain your youth

Normal

Didn’t know truth
didn’t know what’s real
didn’t even know if
I could even feel
numb to the pain yes
numb to the screams
I wanted to die but
never knew the need
didn’t know the truth
didn’t know what real was
didn’t know in my youth
what was normal because
I didn’t know the truth
about being human
no one ever told me
I was just left musing
a child being lied to
and making things up
just to make sense of it
normals enough

We want it

We want the then now
we want the now then
we want it all at once
so we can play pretend
we want to be so young
so stupid innocent
we want all the knowledge
that lacks with it
we want all or nothing
but everything’s involved
we want the then now
we want the now then
we want everything
all at once
so we can play pretend
we want it now
now before it’s gone
we want it all together
all at once
we want it all
so messed up
we want the then now
we want the now then
we want it all at once
so we can act profound

Begin again

Drop the pretense
let it grow
the vines that wrap you
bind and choke
drop the concepts
let them fall
out of existence
and into the flames
drop the pretense
make the trade
breathe the air in
dry the lungs
keep the flesh soft
bury the mud
keep the heart beating
cut death away
sleep while still dreaming
as if your youth stayed

The older woman

As time moves forward
getting older and quite thirsty
want a drink but not from sink
I want the fresh squeezed
I want it newly off the vine
I want it naive
my own fruit begins to wither
to dry and come to end
I want the young flesh in my cup
I want the freshest juice blood red
time keeps moving forward
the thirst a new given
like vultures to their prey
I drink all I want and more
destroy the youth with passion
immortality I will force
getting older and thirsty
my throat has gone quite dry
the beauty is in the humor
how the old refuse to die

In the name of youth

Let’s redeem R Kelly
how that feels to read
let’s forget his crimes now
oh now that we believe
why do we trust these victims
only when they’re adults
why must we beat the children
devour the youth at any cost
let’s redeem R Kelly
cancel someone else instead
he can still make music
he can still give bread
let’s redeem R Kelly
oh why must we love fiends
but only when they abuse children
yes them we protect with ease
we unbury the dead, dig graves
and piss on them
we’d rather repeat ourselves
with lies and ridiculous doubt
let’s forget the truth
what we know and what we knew
let’s eat the children destroy the youth
all for some immortality pursuit
never grow old just sacrifice the new

In the woods

Then the sadness comes
it lives between your skin
soft layers let it in
let it drink from blood so red
as lips that live again
apples paint them then
the sin comes under nails
youth will sell this tale
of fear that only forms
from growth and well earned
sores, the bruises sold
and worn.

Fountain of youth

They learn so fast
move so quickly
they know the map
they just turned fifteen
we let them run
run before they crawl
don’t know their feet
but they’ll do no wrong
confused and emotional
they learn through error
but with no experience
success looks like a failure
they learn so fast
and fill in the blanks
when children don’t grow up
their minds don’t age

Inside Lovato and the bad life coach

I am an artist,
an entrepreneur-
I’m creative
a fucking gift to the world.
I got ideas
and I show my tits on stage.
I feign authenticity
but make excuses out of pain.
I use my illness
and my addictions as a shield.
I use sobriety
as a theme to get a meal-
I am an artist
a philanthropist and more
I’ve got bipolar
and I wield it like a sword.
I’m not recovered
as that takes time and room to heal,
I am just a child
who doesn’t know what it means
to be real.
I’m just a celebrity,
adding titles to my name-
buying indulgences in vain,
and pretending mental illness is a game.
I am an artist
but that’s just an excuse
for being a child, for being rude
for being ill and relapsing too
I’m just too young to accept the truth,
it’s still my fault, but it’s also youth.