Yonder years

Can’t talk about it
I don’t want to fight
I don’t even care
If I’m even right
don’t want to feel confused
don’t want to hear you shout
don’t want to feel removed
so I won’t even pout
can’t talk about it
won’t say a word
I don’t want to feel absurd
completely right but told I’m wrong
we both remember a different song
you don’t want to hear it
the patterns clear
I’m just a victim
of all the yonder years


I can’t keep on lying
pretending not to see
that I am not a victim
not victim of history
that my sex has never bent so
never bowed on bended knee
I can’t keep on lying
pretending to be weak
as if those who’ve come before me
never existed that way
I can’t keep on pretending
that my legacy is not strength
I am not a victim
and I’m taking that to my grave


I am not okay
want you to know today
the painful truth of self
how i let myself down
didn’t speak the pain
refused to say the name
said the truth must be
that i cut myself baby
I’ll show you as if it’s art
cry tears that are hard to start
about why I’m always afraid
but i can work today
share my pain as though it’s yours
hurt the world with my last word
I am not okay
because I could never say
the name or how I felt
how i let myself down
I cut myself today
triggered others with my pain
don’t sell a proper way out
show beauty in pain right now
the beauty in tragedy
though self mutilation be
a horrid act of self
I am not okay
but this is my hell
I didn’t speak when spoken to
if this is happening to you
speak out and do not mince
words that stick to lips
force screams and let them know
you aren’t okay don’t let go
cutting is not beauty
scars remind us truly
that ignoring our own pain
breaks us of our name
don’t glorify that scene
with pictures meant to be
beautifully framed art without a game
scars and cuts they are the same
as what nobody needs
you share a picture please
remember what it means
that pain is not beauty
there’s no strength in being a victim
survival is much different
then living and learning to thrive
a victim is not how you strive
don’t glorify your scars
your pain is not who you are
I live my life in fear
overcome it live my dears
don’t allow the rich to bleed
bleed unto you baby
just lift yourself back up
even if you cut
don’t glorify that pain
glorify the strength that comes
by admitting you need help
by leaving victimhood for health