#Iamnotokay

I am not okay
want you to know today
the painful truth of self
how i let myself down
didn’t speak the pain
refused to say the name
said the truth must be
that i cut myself baby
I’ll show you as if it’s art
cry tears that are hard to start
about why I’m always afraid
but i can work today
share my pain as though it’s yours
hurt the world with my last word
I am not okay
because I could never say
the name or how I felt
how i let myself down
I cut myself today
triggered others with my pain
don’t sell a proper way out
show beauty in pain right now
the beauty in tragedy
though self mutilation be
a horrid act of self
I am not okay
but this is my hell
I didn’t speak when spoken to
if this is happening to you
speak out and do not mince
words that stick to lips
force screams and let them know
you aren’t okay don’t let go
cutting is not beauty
scars remind us truly
that ignoring our own pain
breaks us of our name
don’t glorify that scene
with pictures meant to be
beautifully framed art without a game
scars and cuts they are the same
as what nobody needs
you share a picture please
remember what it means
that pain is not beauty
there’s no strength in being a victim
survival is much different
then living and learning to thrive
a victim is not how you strive
don’t glorify your scars
your pain is not who you are
I live my life in fear
overcome it live my dears
don’t allow the rich to bleed
bleed unto you baby
just lift yourself back up
even if you cut
don’t glorify that pain
glorify the strength that comes
by admitting you need help
by leaving victimhood for health

Advertisements

Give me bones

Let me at it
let me back in
heal me doctor
make me feel again
I’ve been dying
for better or worse
I’m ready for help now
it’s all a curse
I’m asking for something
something to save me
I know it’s a long road
but I’m ready lately
can’t help but wonder
how much weight I’ve lost
if I am still here
and at what real cost
I’ve been a ghost dear
and I’m ready for flesh
give me some bones here
teach me to walk
let me back at it
I’m ready to stop

How we can recover

The myth of moderation
is not a myth at all,
it’s a method of recovery
but not a one for all.
AA is a program,
filled with lots of faults
it may help some people
but it’s not a guaranteed stop.
Getting into rehab
works sometimes-it’s true,
but there are some people
this method just won’t get to.
Therapy can be effective,
therapy can be a cure,
but some people just don’t like it,
they feel this method is absurd.
Harm reductions great
truly one of my faves
but even with this method
you may not be saved.
Moderation is a method
just like so many things-
a method to living,
breathing what you seek.
The myth of moderation
is not a myth at all,
just like AA
this method has its faults
some may find recovery
others find more drugs
in the end it’s discovery
of just what side you’re on.

biology is physical

I am
a biological female
a true born spilt tale.
I am
not some kind of feeling
not a state of delusional thinking.
I am
whatever the fuck I say I am
masculine or feminine
I am woman
and I made peace with it.
I am
a biological female
born with a cunt
so I didn’t have to get one.
I am
also pretty crazy
been delusional-
gender dysphoric and maybe
even thinking I
I might not be a lady
but I am who I am
and trans ideology
can’t change me.

Personality disorders

Believe me
when I say
some thing’s
can be easily explained
sometimes it’s not complicated
it’s just something you won’t admit
it’s not anything abnormal
it’s a personality defect
rather a disorder
like narcissism or borderline
it’s really rather common
though often is denied
unlike mood afflictions
these will last unless
the person is in treatment
and active in development
of serious self awareness
just like organic illness
those living life like this
all have to face the fact
that they weren’t born
to think
normally
it’s part of what disordered means.

tagged

I am ceramic
fragile and tragic
frozen in place
where you led me.
Statue of stone
bathed in this gold
I have no soul
can you save me?
I am ceramic
precious, fragile,
and sold.

Trans is beautiful

If you’re gonna do it-
do it right.
Turn that symptom into life-
don’t grieve that diagnosis-
just put that dress on tonight-
cause if you’re gonna do this shit-
do it right.
Don’t forget it’s a delusion but
embrace the brains solution
and turn that defect into movement!
Paint that face, move with grace,
perfect that bitchy kinda pout-
the most beautiful trans women
know this without a doubt:
that they are men but live in costume
knowing who they are
with or without you
and
that claiming you’re a real woman
simply makes you unstable.
The most beautiful trans women
do mental illness just right
looking like a dream
you’ve had most of your life.

Pink Petals

I’m not alone
I found myself
and now I know
I’m not alone
this world it has
found me a home
and when I’m gone
I’ll take the smiles
and the rage
I’ll take the sorrow
and this pain
it’s made me whole again
and now
I know
I’m not alone
I’m not alone
I found myself at once again
stepping ever at the edge
my world a tide of once again
I’m not alone
I’ve my own, my love
my marriage to this tome
I’m not alone
ever caged but free to roam
this I owe
my beloved soul and heart
too worn to ever
beat again
I’m not alone
and on my deathbed
this I know
I’m going home.

Pennies

Don’t have much
but I’ve got faith
broker than I’ve ever been
but more than safe
God gave me answers
in the form of love
God has kept this ship
from the bottom
of the mud.