Survival instinct

I don’t want to mention
the evil in intentions
when you giving you yourself to play
who sold you a false sense of dignity
a monster who has yet ever had to pay
for crimes they commit and admit today
for a piece of every person
only wants to excuse
every single bad behavior
that resulted in abuse
for drugging and then robbing
men who you lied to
so you asked them if they wanted it
took it like survival
but you ain’t no Mike Tyson
you just living without trial
admit it like Polanski
and act like its okay
don’t matter what your reasons
your intent was to drug’em and get paid.

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#Iamnotokay

I am not okay
want you to know today
the painful truth of self
how i let myself down
didn’t speak the pain
refused to say the name
said the truth must be
that i cut myself baby
I’ll show you as if it’s art
cry tears that are hard to start
about why I’m always afraid
but i can work today
share my pain as though it’s yours
hurt the world with my last word
I am not okay
because I could never say
the name or how I felt
how i let myself down
I cut myself today
triggered others with my pain
don’t sell a proper way out
show beauty in pain right now
the beauty in tragedy
though self mutilation be
a horrid act of self
I am not okay
but this is my hell
I didn’t speak when spoken to
if this is happening to you
speak out and do not mince
words that stick to lips
force screams and let them know
you aren’t okay don’t let go
cutting is not beauty
scars remind us truly
that ignoring our own pain
breaks us of our name
don’t glorify that scene
with pictures meant to be
beautifully framed art without a game
scars and cuts they are the same
as what nobody needs
you share a picture please
remember what it means
that pain is not beauty
there’s no strength in being a victim
survival is much different
then living and learning to thrive
a victim is not how you strive
don’t glorify your scars
your pain is not who you are
I live my life in fear
overcome it live my dears
don’t allow the rich to bleed
bleed unto you baby
just lift yourself back up
even if you cut
don’t glorify that pain
glorify the strength that comes
by admitting you need help
by leaving victimhood for health

This ride

She screams inside
the thoughts have clouded her mind
it burns, it hurts, to think so much
and the screaming clogs the ears and such
the body moves to thoughts that steal
every moment, no time to heal
for visions build and she’s been misled
her screams have swallowed up her head
dreams don’t comfort during these reds
the worlds she visits end with tides
floods of roses often thyme
and everything will be just fine
keep the screaming inside this time

Will to survive

They’re coming
they’re coming for me
not saviors
not saviors you see
the demons have come
they’ve taken to me
those that should love me
they’ve let me down
I fought for this life
but I’ve been the clown
the demons have knocked
on all other doors
I can’t keep them out now
they’ve come through my floors
bleeding is black
when you’re all alone
I won’t come back
I’m done waiting for
They’re coming for me
coming for me
they’re breaking the seams
arms ripping from
no legs in harsh shackles
they’ve come they are here
no saviors in sight
it’s time to decide
do you continue the fight?

Done with it

Tired of being exhausted
tired of being sick
I look like I am dying
my body has gone limp
everything is hurting
and everything is numb
I’m tired of being sick
and of being always stuck
moving on is difficult
it’s hard to heal and breathe
life is too damn long
I’m tired of being me
keeping it all forward
healing slowly all the time
everything is hurting
but this life is finally mine
tired of being exhausted
but willing to continue on
if I don’t recover
I should go where I belong
willingness to live
becomes my only drink
tired of being exhausted
if I fail it’s death I seek.

When things break

Broken, broken promises and glass
every thought you’ve never had
every want goes unfulfilled
you never lost the will
kept your head from drowning
broken now, but climbing
forever now subsiding
and turning down the edge
of broken glass and bread
broken, broken glass and shards
taken out the heart and
forgotten every scar.

Equilibrium

Terror from within
killed the beast but then
here he comes again
the mark of evil on his lips
I have broken bones
these thoughts
they’re not my own
because the beast does live
breathing from my neck
the oxygen is spent
on constant cleverness
fearing for my life
I know I will survive.

When the group turns upon itself

When your group
turns on you
whatever will you do?
I’d suggest politely
you should ask a bi or two
see we know how it feels
to be told you are not real
to be told your existence
is harmful
to inclusion and progress
to be told your sexuality
is a fad at very best
we know what it feels like
to be victims of violence
when the perpetrator is
at a safe place you invest in
we know what it feels like
to be completely erased
to have the mother of pride
be overthrown and displaced
we can tell you simply
it’s just a way of life
you do all kinds of good work
but still have to fight to survive
just stiffen that upper lip
and turn to those you love
trust not just the label
but whoever holds you up
bisexuals know the power
in forming your own home
whether in the LGB community
or out there all alone.
So when the group betrays you
ask a bi how to rebuild
just one who hasn’t fallen
to loud minority rule.

The heartbeat

It’ll be okay
it’s really all the same
a game of wills and minds
this time I’m on the line
so sitting still won’t do
but I will make it through
adaptable it seems
the things you’ve made of me
but it will be okay
the final word remains
even if it dies
I will still survive

knowledge is power

Take a lesson
make it quick
this one
you should not forget
pay attention
get it right
soon you’ll need this
simple guide
soon you’ll have to go
and try
try your best to stay alive
turn and run you may just die
listen up to learn to thrive
if you don’t you won’t survive
but we see it in your eyes
you can’t listen
hardly speak
you’ll have nightmares
before we reap