Leave Paris alone

I don’t want to cry
record a video and sigh
sigh while losing my mind
why do we want Paris to die?
Egging on suicide
keep reporting until she tries
let her go just like the truth
we don’t want facts
or even proof
I don’t want to be so upset
but this begging for suicide
I don’t get
why we want to see her fall
would her death pacify us all?
Would we feel like it is proof
facts and all the fucking truth
a guarantee her father was bad
that he in fact was a horrible man
would her suicide make it better?
Say goodbye to goodwill forever
let’s all just take a bow
it’s time that we knock out
waiting for a young woman to die
this ain’t the world we should invite
awaiting suicide
is this how we want to survive?
Placate and say we tried
no we tried to get her to die
to slit wrist and say goodbye
will we report the facts this time?
I don’t want to cry and repeat
but this reminds me of Brittney
so I’ll write what I do say
leave Paris alone
this isn’t okay.
Stop begging for suicide
for her to relapse and want to die
for a young woman to show
all signs of letting go
leave Paris alone
but we know the headlines won’t
so why don’t we all just admit
we want drama with no news in it.

Due process

Suicide is complicated
suicide is hard
we put blame on partners
on bullies and on scars
everybody’s part of
the problem we can’t solve
when we name the monster
the monster is us all
everybody’s party
to the death that we have seen
especially Rose McGowan
who deflects blame
though we can see
everything affects
the choice of suicide
you can blame mental illness
but it’s not just one reason to why
everything’s connected
everything’s me too
it’s why we blame school bullies
and the partners that abuse
it’s not just isolated
to one reason or maybe two
suicide is complicated
suicide is hard
especially when you’re claiming
you’re the Bravest of us all.

Money can’t buy love

When you die alone
in a hotel bed
no one ever thinks
you will wake up dead
no one ever watches
the men who keep them safe
no one is responsible
for the life they did not save.
Everyone makes choices
just like Anthony Bourdian,
chose to die alone
a single flower on his grave-
choices made by others
to ignore the ones they love
everything has happened
because of what was never done
you say that you loved him
at least you loved someone.

If ever a friend would have me

And Death would be a sweet escape,

embracing life’s most evil fate,

its brittle bones, its empty heart,

a vacation from a most feeble art.

Oh how I’ve waited for this chance

to dance with the devil as we

seek ash

to look into eyes so seedy and vile,

to touch that which destroys with guile.

How I’ve longed for this embrace

from world a fire from souls encased.

Death would take me, I require

an escape so sweet slumber

so mild.

A life in abyss, a pit to sleep.

And Death would be so kind to me,

an old friend, a lover, a song birds tweet.

Oh Death would end this futile endeavor

my struggle, my tragic, my will forever.

(February me 2012)

Ode to Robin Williams

If ever there was a reason
to honor an actor or two-
Oh Mr. Williams
you’ve given more than a few
so many in fact
they simply won’t do.
The honor it comes from
the anger and pain
you shouldn’t have died
you could’ve been saved.
No matter the coping
no matter the lies, anyone
you spoke to could have saved a life.
Oh Mr. Williams
they should’ve known
there is no excuse as they grieve and they moan.
Failure it comes from being alone
you had the resources, you had the home.
Oh Mr Williams
they should’ve known
depression it comes but with love it goes.
People are failures when it comes to their own.
Oh Mr Williams,
maybe I’m wrong
maybe it’s just that I wanted you to be loved
maybe that’s why it’s so hard to see-
how a man with many friends
took to the extreme.
Oh Mr Williams
you were a good soul
it’s a shame that we pretend
you wanted to go
as though suicide isn’t a cry for help
from a sick brain, sick frame, a person in doubt.
Oh Mr Williams
this ode is for you
another celebrity death
that could have been prevented
suicide the question
your answer sadly lacked intervention.