Mistake

I made a mistake
again and again and again
I made a mistake
and I just have to take a breath
long and deep
that happened when I was still a kid
oh then I remember 
the one from ten years ago
I made a mistake
and once again I can't let go
I remember the looks
and the feelings once it ended
I remember the hooks
and all the times pretended 
I made a mistake
I'm a loser that is true
I'll do it again
remember another four this afternoon
I remember that time
foot in my mouth for the fourth time
can't believe I said that
oh man I regret that
like saying I don't believe
I have forgotten
don't want none
but I remember last August
I made a mistake
again and again and again
I can't forget
I remember it
like it's happening now
I made the mistake

Dreaming of demons

I don't really care too much
about the things I've done
the shame I have created
while avoiding too much sun
can't think back very long now
can't drink myself to sleep
I acknowledged all the demons
left me crying and so weak
but I don't really care
if the nightmares are asleep
acceptance is a penance
and I'm not sure I've paid
it feels a little like forgiveness
but maybe I'm just late
don't really care much though
not now as I sit dreaming
too much is not enough
but I'll just keep believing

In the tabernacle

Sitting in this tabernacle
watching people play
thinking of how I became
exactly the same way
criticizing myself not looking in the mirror
I can’t believe my feet are standing here
sitting in this tabernacle I can’t stand no more
rather be here crying writhing on the floor
watching people play
feeling not the same
I just want to pray
but I’m crying on the floor
how’d I become the same
when I knew so much before
sitting in my new shame
watching others pray
don’t know how I became
so familiar with the grave
going down below now
I can’t save my soul
my heart is burning further
didn’t know that much before

Oh what a fool

Oh what a fool I’ve been
I’ve washed myself in sin
smiled like a grin
and lost myself again
over and over I go
I never know to slow
Oh what have I become
the fool I’ve always loved
enamored with a feeling
never listening to the healing
the wisdom always drowns
my ears they hear no sound
Oh what have I let happen
I’ve become a madman
I don’t sleep to dream
my prayers were once for me
Oh what a fool I’ve been
lost myself again
a word of wisdom spoke
my shame I did provoke

Not drinking

Sitting here now not drinking
drunk off the thoughts I’m thinking
see it all so clearly
the path I took it nearly
took from me the bones within
the sacred place I thought I’d live
wanting so much purity
I know too much
began to sink
into the darkness I cannot dream
knew too much
but nothing still
sitting here I know I will
repent for that I’m ashamed
I knew the path
forsaked my name
sitting here now not drinking
knowing I’m so sinking
try to pull up
and always remember
the path that you live
lives on forever

Precious little

I’ve got precious little left in me
too much haunted for you to see
a house abandoned years ago
the wood all molded from the snow
broken windows eyes unclean
cannot speak to shame
just speak to dream
sing of all that once had been
precious little time that is
too much broken too much dead
shattered in the molded shed
a manor once never again
I’ve got precious left to give

Black

Too many sun flowers
too much doubt
finding myself
like a murderous trout
I got the answers
but I don’t know why
trapped in the cosmos
trapped in the mind
somebody else
let’s you forget rhyme
drink it all down
too many ways out
too many shame clouds
finding myself now
and then it goes black

At the throat

Let’s fuck baby
get it done quick
let’s fuck love
and take another hit
oh baby don’t act
like you don’t know
please don’t cry
when you open that door
let’s fuck baby
it’s all the same
when you think about it
and feel the shame
let’s make choices
really bad mistakes
be no wiser
when we hit the grave
let’s fuck baby
don’t think about the days
don’t remember nothing
just keep it all in place
let’s make moments
pride in what we don’t
never done nothing
but choking at the throat

All pleasantries

Burn the letters and the games
break the table and the frames
shame the self that swore to this
gave into ignorance
and ultimately bliss
the happiness that comes from
only pain
the dreams in the head
the urge to pray
burn all the letters
forget what they say
everything glitters until it decays

Slut: one who uses sex to hurt others and/or themselves.

I fucked the president
got paid to seal my lips
but opened them within seconds
guess that’s what a porn star is
fucked a married man
because he’s got green-
I make money pretend to be queen
but I still got down with anothers man
wore my crown on his head
but he had a newborn and even a wife
is the story a cheating billionaire
or the whore that just might
get a second chance at washed up fame
he may be a cheater
but your a scavenger not a saint
the only victim here
is the woman you betrayed
so next time you think-
I fucked the president
maybe you should remember
what a slut really is.