Who am I

I don’t see myself reflected in your eyes
just a different fucking girl
a different version you prefer
of the girl I just might be
if interpretations are to be believed
I don’t see myself in the mirror any longer
just a series of women
each one a different genre
something someone wanted to see
a person they wanted me to be
just a warm body to take up a seat
to give them advice on the cheap
and this the meaning of me
what I am lead to believe
the truth only relative
that you see what you want I guess
hear my name and make up a face
pick my home and my birth place
I don’t see myself when I walk outside
every person picks a different kind
it’s like what flavor might I be tonight
because you don’t really care who am I

And me

Play with me
make me sing
break that brittle
little thing
that cold dead heart
that ill-written rhyme
make those words
connect and thrive
play with me
make me stand
make me breathe
And then start again

What’s in my coffee

Tell me
tell me please
what do you think
when you see me
do you see
the animal
or just a woman
with some claws
tell me please
tell me something
describe my name
or bring me coffee
with the cream
and plenty sugar
tell me please
what is a woman.

Disgusting

Underneath the flesh
underneath the teeth
the nails you bite
the blood that bleeds
flooding all that’s underneath
makes you sick
and question self
disgusted by
what rots in hell
demons feast off what we’ve lost
the discarded waste and undiscussed
broken skin and shattered spine
won’t go out look at them dine
teeth that gnash but never cut through
underneath the sickest virtue
you have licked the boot beneath
broken nail and gnashed your teeth
kiss and drink the blood abound
you can hate it drink it down

When I see myself

When I see myself
I burn a little
hear the heavens cry
I die a little
when I look in the mirror
can’t stop the tears
I’m the saddest actress
in only thirty years
when I see myself
I burn a little
can’t help but cry
I die a little
can’t stop the tears
or begin to try
I’m a monster baby
and I can’t keep lying
I don’t love myself
not the way I am
I’ve tried for wings
but the horns keep growing
I burn a little
and I keep on knowing
I’m a monster baby
and when I look in the mirror
can’t help myself
I die just a little
I’m a monster inside
I can see it in my eyes
when I see myself
I don’t want to see myself
I burn a little
can’t stop the tears
I’m a monster baby
been one for thirty years
I use to think
wings would suit me fine
but I fear I’ll die
before the heavens stop crying
when I see myself
can’t stop the tears
I burn a little
each time more severe
I’m a monster baby
nothing left but rot
I’m the kind of girl
that you should’ve forgot
heavens calling my name
but these horns weigh me down
I burn a little
when I see myself

Dry floor

Trying not to breathe
be anything but me
break down
and break some more
keep writhing on the floor
fall down don’t try again
keep bathing in dead skin
keep drinking from that well
keep drowning in the sun
baked by light and air so fun
trying not to breathe
lungs try desperately
be anything but me
dead if it has to be
break down and then again
writhing in this sin
drinking all that’s come before
drowning on dry floor

Looking through the skin

A demon lives within me
she wins most every time
not even love can save me
I’m running out of rhymes
nothing in me is pure now
though it may appear that way
everything is darkness
everything is rot
there’s nothing left inside of me
nothing she hasn’t got
a demon lives within me
she’s everything I am
and if I go on living
I must make a stand
I must kill what’s within me
so the demon can never leave
living is so much harder
now that the demons all I see

What the forest takes

Walking through the forest
it’s after midnight now
the darkness consumes everything
the sky contains no clouds
everything is silent here
the forest makes no sound
walking between the trees
nothing to be found
I’ve forgotten why I came here
forgotten who I am
walking after midnight
silent laughing drives me mad
don’t know what I look like
forgotten who I am
walking after midnight
no flesh at my command
a soul just drifting in darkness
drifting to final rest
never go walking after midnight
the forest needs no breath

In my skin

I’ve been a lot of things
a lot of it ain’t good
thought I knew so much
but I really misunderstood
I strayed away from self
walked right into hell
let the devil take my hand
thought I was better than
been a bitch
and pretty fucking selfish
I’ve been a lot of things
been pretty fucking desperate
crawling on the walls
been begging for attention
I’ve embarrassed myself a lot
more than I’d like to admit
been on the wrong side of right
and said I’m okay with it
I’ve been a lot of things
but now I just wanna grow
move on from all that evil
like the glory in me show
remember that I love truth
and want to exemplify the good
I’ve been a lot of things
I’ll be a lot more
but this time I’m changing
changing that’s for sure
move like light through water
let God have His way
I’ve been a lot of things
I know I’ll never be a saint
but I can be much better now
now that I can admit
I wasn’t ever really the best person
I was just growing in my skin