Bad girl summer

Bad girl summer
it’s just what we do
our time’s over
we got much to pursue
looking for new love
but nothing from you
bad girl summer
we breaking the rules
crying and lying
lost in the glitter
showing the skin
clouds getting thicker
I’ll say that it’s you
but we know that it’s me
I broke the rules
like the bad girl I be

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Finding me

I thought I loved you
then I walked further on outside
I saw the real sun
the kind you can’t hide when it’s this bright
I thought I knew trust
like it was something we just do
like, I like this person so I trust them that’s the truth
but it’s not true
I never trust a single body
I never let them in though they thought I did
never spoke the truth to nobody
I thought they loved me
made excuses every damn day
why’d they forget me
why didn’t they invite me to stay
I thought you trusted me
that I was the dramatic one
saying you only come around when you need something
that’s for sure
you only came around when you needed me
to do what no one else would get done
I thought we were more
lovers and friends alike
but I got played hard
and at the very end of the night I walk home alone
don’t get no call in the morning, no
I just walk on alone
and realize I never felt anything close to love
because I never trusted you
nor did I really have respect
you thought you knew me
but you haven’t learned a damn thing yet
and now it’s over
so neither of us will know
what really went on here
I guess we’re just footprints in the snow
I thought I loved you
but I was too guarded to see
that I didn’t need you I just needed somebody
something to cling to
while I was desperately finding me.

As the enemy

As the enemy
I cannot breathe today I swear
but you don’t hear me
even though you say you care
and you look through me
you look past and stare in silence
you just move me
stop the dialogue and cut the mood
I mischose but I chose you
and everything falls to my knees
my feet are covered
all these excuses I don’t need
because you don’t care
you don’t care at all so you
you just want to speak silence
looking past me as you often do
as the enemy
I get no say in how I feel
you just forget me
and leave whenever I might spill
I’m allowed so many things
until they come and go at you
if I don’t like it
it’s just the food that I must chew
as the enemy
I’ve got no single defense
because you won’t speak to me
no unless it’s you I offend
you got so much to say
but when I feel because of you
it’s not the truth displayed
because you silenced those words too
as the enemy
I don’t get much to say at all
no I just keep it all along
and in the end it’s still you I want
so I go on
persist as what I am
the enemy
and the one that cannot stand
so here we go again
I’ll smile and nod to you
and you can forget me
and what you are is my excuse.

Out of my hands

I keep moving when everything stops
sometimes I wonder if you fell off
no longer on the tracks cause you think too much
no longer thinking fast stuck in the past and stuff
I keep moving forward trying to get back to the point
I sometimes have to wonder if you got stuck in void
if maybe you don’t love me like you tell yourself you do
or maybe our plans aren’t important
at least not like you planned them to be
that maybe I keep doing me because it’ll never keep
I keep moving forward when everything has stopped
I keep thinking we’re together
but sometimes I wonder if you fell off
that I’m alone in the train cart
and we’re moving way too fast
like you don’t really love me
and you’re just stuck on the past
like I keep moving forward forward with our plans
but nothing becomes nothing
because it all falls out of my hands

Message sent

I think I do better
better without you
got my head all cleared up
and a whole new outlook
got a message in a bottle
and it says you’re not mine
I think I do better without you
so I’m reading it all the damn time
ain’t really that simple
but it’s not complicated
I may want you a lot
but my ass ain’t that jaded
the message that I got
says you ain’t my savior
and not actually my friend
so I think I’ll do better
without seeing our end

Forever awed

Didn’t care until I was gone
thought I’d be with you all along
like a dog without a say
like you’d just keep getting paid
didn’t care that I could’ve died
you just smiled that smile of lies
like you really gave a damn
thought you had me throat in hand
didn’t care until I walked away
thought you’d always have the right away
like I’d pay your bills straight from the grave
but you took too much and I left the bank
didn’t care until I was gone
thought I’d never turn it off
like I hadn’t once before
you thought me weak again for sure
didn’t care because I let you in
but now the house is all but burnt
you thought I would stay but I’ve learnt
it’s gone and everything’s empty
you try hard but never forget me
now I’m gone and you wish I wasn’t
but I ain’t here to pay off a little or nothing
for the debt you built so very high up
your pain my very new triumph
thought I’d stay out of obligation
but now my responsibilities ain’t weighted
didn’t care that I could’ve died
now I’m gone and you asking why
shut the door the banks all closed up
got nothing for the beggars and locusts
didn’t care until I was gone
so now you miss me forever in awe

But she said

She said you’re a bad guy
you don’t let me out at night
you tell me what to do
even though I asked you to
she says she’s really my friend
she don’t really like you man
she says you’re too controlling
that you want me to do your laundry
though you do mine instead
she says you’re not good in bed
but how would she ever know
she’s lying to me so we don’t wed
why are women so different
they don’t hold you down so much
unless they got what they want
they don’t really act so good
not that loyal like you wish they could
and she says you’re a bad man
that I’m too deep to understand
but I don’t know you’re still my plan
and she don’t talk to me anymore
she says I turned into a whore
all our other friends say
I gave her up so I could get laid
now they are gone and single
I made new friends and mingle
with a bunch of successful women
no little girls those games is wicked
we all found our pairs
no matter who they are
these games are fair
she said I should leave you
but now I know the real truth
she was so lonely and scared
she wanted someone else to be right there
misery loves company
it’s why having girlfriends is new to me
they get a bit vicious sometimes
so I found new friends that get my life
she said she hates me now
but I’m not in that crowd
I found new friends who say
they love me no matter my date
they love me cause I knew to stay
that they love me at the end of each day

All I’ve got

Please just let me go
if you don’t think I know
the hate you gave me to eat
I chew the fat and drink the rain
the rain it falls from tears I make
please just unchain me now
you don’t hear the very sound
of me screaming crying out
let me go or kill this flesh
bleed me dry drink what’s left
please just free me from this hell
I once did think you knew me well
but now I’m crying in the dark
the hate you give it’s all I’ve got

Dread

I dread the moment you come back again
try to get back in my head
where you can chain me to your ways
make me you in this flesh I tamed
I dread the day I must fight for me
to remain a solitary identity
where I control just how I breathe
keep you out of this flesh of me
I dread the day you knock on my door
that I may flee into the floor
pretend I have never once existed
but then I think it’s the fear I’ll miss it
miss my chance to destroy my keeper
keep you out of my head forever
you can’t chain me when you’re dead
you can no longer live in my head
I dread the day we say goodbye
that I might feel more sadness inside
even though I know it’s better
I fear I’ll mourn you now and forever

Where I’ve been

Sometimes I turn my back on
the truth of who I was
how cruel I could be
setting to the floods
I burned bridges and memories
burned it all to the floor
made sure I couldn’t remember
because I didn’t want it no more
I was held up on pedestals
called a goddess and a queen
but then I remember
all the hell that I’d bring
nobody knew me
even when they thought they did
because I didn’t trust them
that’s the way that I lived
sometimes I try my best to forget
like nothing ever happened
before I decided it did
but when I lost everything
even my mind
I saw it all clearly
the choices were mine
I know who I am now
because I know where I’ve been
sometimes I might want to run
but I stand where I am
I’ll grow from the ashes
or I’ll accept that I’ve drowned
I’ll make my own way here
someway somehow
and when sometimes I cry
I’ll know I need to let it out