Too soon

Got me on a leash
problems I don’t need
advice I’ll never heed
please don’t take my sugar away
let me have a little taste
I just want a birthday cake
got me on a choke collar
leading me like a dog to water
cannot drink for fear of relapse
let me go the truth is unlatched
please don’t take my fruit and phone
leave me just the fuck alone
got me on a thin red line
cutting tight rope bleeds my thighs
I just want to walk alone
keep my freedom learn to grow
but you got me on a lead
a leash that chokes when I sleep
let me go but then you do
I don’t think I’ll wake too soon

Inside Lovato and the bad life coach

I am an artist,
an entrepreneur-
I’m creative
a fucking gift to the world.
I got ideas
and I show my tits on stage.
I feign authenticity
but make excuses out of pain.
I use my illness
and my addictions as a shield.
I use sobriety
as a theme to get a meal-
I am an artist
a philanthropist and more
I’ve got bipolar
and I wield it like a sword.
I’m not recovered
as that takes time and room to heal,
I am just a child
who doesn’t know what it means
to be real.
I’m just a celebrity,
adding titles to my name-
buying indulgences in vain,
and pretending mental illness is a game.
I am an artist
but that’s just an excuse
for being a child, for being rude
for being ill and relapsing too
I’m just too young to accept the truth,
it’s still my fault, but it’s also youth.

The many methods of living in recovery

Everybody is
a mental health expert
everybody does
psychologist grade work
everybody can
tell you how to cure it
just listen to Demi Lovato
she’s got the answers
let’s learn them!
Relapse is bad
not a reality of recovery
relapse is irresponsible,
yeah,
we all should’ve seen this coming
a huge step back in the rhetoric.
It’s not about the relapse but
what you do after it,
everybody falls
but can you pick up the pieces?
If Demi Lovato thinks
relapse is not okay
maybe she should rethink
Red Bull as a choice-mmkay?
Because energy drinks are bad
for individuals living with bipolar
they are akin to Meth when
symptoms begin to take over.
Everybody thinks
they are a role model
but relapse is a real thing
living in fear is hard to swallow
if it happens to you
you will still wake up tomorrow
recovery is what you do
even after you fall
strength is in the choice
to begin all over again
relapse is okay
as long as it’s not your end.

End game.

Recovery.

The word brings tension to the body.

It brings a tingling to the lips

and a need to whisper secret maladies.

Recovery.

For an addict the word is a loaded gun.

Say it loudly and suddenly you are out-ed.

Say it softly and suddenly you are imprisoned.

Recovery.

A word with so much potential.

A word with a bitter-sweet sickness.

A word with so much power it can make you feel so very small.

Recovery.

So hopeful, enchanted, by its message.

So positive entrapped by its essence.

So wonderful, it can make the world bright again.

Recovery, it ends.

Relapse.

Replaces every sentiment.

A word with such shame the sound brings tension to the body.

Tingles to the lips and cravings for the wrist.

Relapse.

For an addict it is a loaded gun.

A bitter-sweet reminder that it never changes.

A harsh reality that it does not get better.

Relapse.

A suffocation.

A realization.

An end.

(August 27 2013)