Why

Why do I try
why do I write
why do I keep
trying to thrive
it just feels so wrong
it never pans out
I’m sinking lower
deep into doubt
there feels like
there’s nothing
nothing about
why do I bother
why do I shout
nothing really matters
at least not in the end
the books still unwritten
paused in my head
like something will happen
any old day
but then I remember
why I’m waiting again

Bleed for

Drawing lines on floor boards
wiping out the old score
tears we drink them down more
before we go insane
before we drown in rain
the sorrow in our veins
we drink away the pain
drawing lines on floor boards
the panels show no scores
it’s all about the new floors
tears we drink them down more
and tell ourselves what we bleed for

Due process

Suicide is complicated
suicide is hard
we put blame on partners
on bullies and on scars
everybody’s part of
the problem we can’t solve
when we name the monster
the monster is us all
everybody’s party
to the death that we have seen
especially Rose McGowan
who deflects blame
though we can see
everything affects
the choice of suicide
you can blame mental illness
but it’s not just one reason to why
everything’s connected
everything’s me too
it’s why we blame school bullies
and the partners that abuse
it’s not just isolated
to one reason or maybe two
suicide is complicated
suicide is hard
especially when you’re claiming
you’re the Bravest of us all.

Children take care of their parents

Don’t blame the parents
don’t blame the home
don’t blame the decisions
just go with the flow
cry about evils
in our government
don’t blame the parents
who gave birth to these kids
blame the county
the county they invade
as they have more children
in the hopes they can stay
don’t blame the parents
who use children
like tools
a means to circumvent
our country’s rules
to hope they get amnesty
but they didn’t think
what happens to my children
if my deportation they seek-
what kind of parent
has children just to sell
to sell them the moment
they get threaten with jail
so they must leave
never thought of their children
never thought to be
more aware of what to do
how to live their lives
the kind of parents
that would give themselves
so their children can survive
don’t blame the parents
just blame the world
because if the parents have failed
well that’s just absurd
it’s not their own fault
they’ve lost their children
they just meant to use them
until we chose to admit them.

Undiagnosable teens

Let’s look for every
reason
every reason
but the one
the truth behind the number
the number of what’s to come
blame the tool that wounds you
point to shadows that tease
but never name the demon
never label the monster that feeds
dance around the issue
even when it’s clear
look for every reason
every reason we want to hear
always just the action never into deeds
we just look at surface
our answers never heed
healing our own hearts
with lies and misunderstandings
let’s look for every reason
every reason
for the bleed
look for every reason
unless the answer is haunting.