Dead name

Hush-don’t say that name
you have lost that person today
they don’t stand here-
we’re not the same.

Please-don’t say that name
it reminds me of my shame
I have grieved much more than you
you could never feel as I do.

Hush-don’t say that name
I lost everything today
you, you’re not the same
you bring up my deepest shame
you have placed me with the blame
I just cannot hear that name.

Please… don’t say that name
please don’t say I look the same
why am I so damn ashamed?
you ask questions to break my frame
literal-the words are violence
say that name it’s dead to my lips.

Hush! Don’t say that name
they have died, but I remain
you will love me just the same
replace them in your memory
with old thoughts of what you see
play along and don’t you grieve
the name is dead, but I’m still me.

Stitched

Silence becomes me
stitched lips
make my heart sing
numb if not nothing
for I cannot be something.
Silence becomes me
filled up with nonsense
confusion in my head
sore but still in bed.
Stitched lips and silence
I am the violence
we stop the madness
by taking your head.

Translation

Tell me more about me
how do you define me
can you see what I see
or do you oppress me?
Looking in the mirror
vision getting clearer
as you keep reminding
my mind sees what I see.
I will not be labeled
defined by your time table
you’re views are regressive
though I demand acceptance
of my mirrors inefficient
vision of my eyes rendition
my minds overall revision
of this bodies unabridged edition.

Spring

Lilac flowers, silk soft skies,
milk in coffee
I’ve lost my mind
life on wires
feet soles bleed
pay no mind to the likes
of me
dropped on head-soft spot dead
outta my crib no signs of death
aged like wine burning and sweet
blend of reds
I’ll bath your feet
tired in cotton, candy dreams die-
congratulations on wedding vow lies
perfect happy endings
and fairytale leaves, orange tea leaf
blossoms and cyanide deeds.

Derealization

Everything is pastel,
everything is paint-
my world is made of candy
the structures are of cake.
No one really sees
the rotting underneath-
sugar coated madness
molasses covered teeth.
Everything is always
never, and at once
time is like a fondant
too much, but not enough.
Forever is an instant
and tomorrow buttercream-
an ever tempting moment
in my bitter
sweet insanity.