Cast it

Cast it down and wipe the plate
keep it clean the motion stays
remain in two and one in class
keep the memory remove the past
cast it down with the rest in lot
tell them all about the hell you caught
drink the damage plan accordingly
cast it down and have what’s left of me

New sound

I think I’ll rewrite history
give myself a whole new shine
a story to believe in
a story that’s in rhyme
the rhythm all but changing
ever changing all the time
like verses that make no sense
after reading and over time
I think I’ll make it all new
rewrite everything before
give myself a whole new story
a new sound to look for

If I knew

If I knew then what I know now
I’d try to do it all the same
get to where I am today
live with all the sorrow and pain
too wake up knowing it’s still okay
if I knew then what I know now
I’d tell myself not to change a thing
though a temptation it might be
stay the girl you always hated
just so one day you can face it
turn around and look in the mirror
see your face and be glad to be her

The same

Didn’t know how the fire started
but I watched it all the same
watched the house burn down
and my former life fade away
everything now up in flames
I watched it all disappear
back to where it never was
the fire made that clear
and as it burned
and I watched
everything remained
the world that is
the world that was
the flame left it all the same

Looking back

I just wanna go back
always looking back
wanna go back
to when everything was better
it really wasn’t but
I just wanna go back
back to where it first began
before I made these mistakes
all the choices I could wait
wanna do it again
keep dreaming of then
even though at that time
I wanted to die
I just wanna go back
back in fucking time
I’m always looking back
looking back at what has been
wanna go back
I just wanna relive
every single mistake
every mishap every misstep
I just don’t want to think
think about growing old
I just wanna be young
pretend my life is like a movie
I just want to go back
back before I became
someone with responsibility
before I grew up
before I had to come to terms
be my age and learn
I just wanna go back
back before I thought about my life
and my death
when growing old felt like
a dream and then
all that ignorance
I just wanna go back

Unwashed

We don’t know how to let go
to move on anymore
we don’t know how to let go
to heal or leave it behind
we just hold on
hold on too tight
we use the loss to keep us up at night
to grant us power and make us seem
like we deserve attention and things
we don’t know how to let go
four years later we bring it up now
won’t move on anymore
we keep standing at the door
waiting using and feeling the loss
we don’t let go we’re all unwashed

Out of my hands

I keep moving when everything stops
sometimes I wonder if you fell off
no longer on the tracks cause you think too much
no longer thinking fast stuck in the past and stuff
I keep moving forward trying to get back to the point
I sometimes have to wonder if you got stuck in void
if maybe you don’t love me like you tell yourself you do
or maybe our plans aren’t important
at least not like you planned them to be
that maybe I keep doing me because it’ll never keep
I keep moving forward when everything has stopped
I keep thinking we’re together
but sometimes I wonder if you fell off
that I’m alone in the train cart
and we’re moving way too fast
like you don’t really love me
and you’re just stuck on the past
like I keep moving forward forward with our plans
but nothing becomes nothing
because it all falls out of my hands

Don’t wanna

I don’t wanna wake up
I don’t wanna see the truth
I don’t wanna know right from wrong
or good from bad
I want to go on living under sand
and I want to stop
feel like I’m always ever on top
I don’t wanna wake up
I wanna dream til I believe
I want what’s right now
and what feels good inside of me
I don’t wanna be a grown up
though I’m far too old to make that choice
I don’t wanna know that
I have misused my own voice
oh this is harder
harder than just staying in
I don’t wanna wake up
I’ve already seen where I haven’t been

All I’ve been

In the midst of the deep ocean all I see is black
a world beneath what’s been forgotten to which I can’t turn back
a mess of mind and soul in tatters everything is cracked
I cannot move for lack of vision my body is the sand
deep within the darkest ocean I’ve been driven mad
still I’m breathing no longer living forgotten what I am
a world beneath what’s been forgotten an ocean dark and then
the world beneath is filled with light no longer empty seas
I no longer see the black but the light has blinded me
forgotten still what was before I no longer feel my skin
sand consumes the driving force beneath the waters land
in the midst of the deep ocean all I know is gone
broken lost once forever forgotten all I’ve been

Where I’ve been

Sometimes I turn my back on
the truth of who I was
how cruel I could be
setting to the floods
I burned bridges and memories
burned it all to the floor
made sure I couldn’t remember
because I didn’t want it no more
I was held up on pedestals
called a goddess and a queen
but then I remember
all the hell that I’d bring
nobody knew me
even when they thought they did
because I didn’t trust them
that’s the way that I lived
sometimes I try my best to forget
like nothing ever happened
before I decided it did
but when I lost everything
even my mind
I saw it all clearly
the choices were mine
I know who I am now
because I know where I’ve been
sometimes I might want to run
but I stand where I am
I’ll grow from the ashes
or I’ll accept that I’ve drowned
I’ll make my own way here
someway somehow
and when sometimes I cry
I’ll know I need to let it out