Just want to sleep

I just want to sleep
so tired don’t want to eat
lurking underneath my bed
I keep myself there instead
the sheets they are my covers
transparent I discover
every dream is broken
shattered from the smoke
and every time it breaks
we make ten more mistakes
I just want to sleep
sleep and never weep
the dreams won’t come again
I’m lost and dead my friend

Bedroom of mirrors

We don’t like our mirrors
though we crave the sight
reflections we all need
we pretend we see it right
the nights they grow so cold
surrounded by reflection
we don’t like our mirrors
but we crave this kind of attention
we want so much of visage
we want so much of self
but we don’t like our mirrors
we don’t want ourselves
we can burn the memory
of what we see today
cover up the perceptions
that make mistakes okay
we don’t want to be healthy
our mirrors tell us to stay

The way

This isn’t what I wanted
always said that wouldn’t be me
learned that life is funny
and it doesn’t care what you think
you don’t get to choose when you mess up
you don’t get to wash it away
no you have to live with what you’ve done here
you have to live with what you did
even when you were to young
even when you’re too old
you have to live up to memory
you have to reap what you sow
you can’t just keep what you want to believe
pretend that the truth is your own
always said that wouldn’t be me
learned the hard way it’s who I am
can’t take back what I’ve done in life
can’t pretend it’s not bad
all I know is I’m where I am at
where I’d like to go
maybe if I’m wise enough
I just might see the way

All apologies

All apologies spent
words fall to the floor
and I am left with broken glass
that I shattered as I swore
broke the table
threw the wine
I made a mess
the mistake is mine
all apologies aside
there is no reason
nor good rhyme
to tell you how I left behind
the wreckage you now
call a life
I have said so much before
dragged your heart
right through closed doors
broke what beauty once did give
then took it all right back again
I broke the windows
and tore the sheets
all that’s left of me it sleeps
deep within my bad choices
to keep shut lips and sink in sin
no more screaming
let it begin
I have watched myself in flame
dance and burn it’s all the same
I left you in dirty ash
then asked for your hand
your hand I grasp
you have saved me more than once
I burned us both and blew us up
we both broke but you are worse
for all the good I’ve thrown out first
left a visage in your head
of the words the lies I’ve fed
is this what
they call love?
Oh no my self
it’s called giving up
I broke the glass
shattered the sheets
the only good thing I made it bleed
I lost it all
in one quick movement
I break it all
I’ve no excuses
everything comes to a head
all I have is what I fed
broken bones and dirty flowers
this time I could cry for hours
having done this all before
I’ve no more words
apologies or scores
I cannot settle this much I’m sure
I can only bow my head
accept the shame and guilt I bred
I am what they call a coward
I took the easy road
and then I showered
you have given me so much
I do not deserve
but I will not give up
I may have nothing to say
in silence I will grieve my pain
one more story of my own failure
I’ll drink the guilt silence the flavor.

Pretty lame

I’ve been pathetic
been down right rude
I’m somebody’s broken heart
bet you are too
been the crazy ex girlfriend
and the girl you didn’t label
been everybody’s friend
wound up alone later
I’ve been desperate
and a tool
made mistakes
and really bad choices
everybody’s stories
not exactly the same
but if you think you were cool
you were probably pretty lame

Where I’ve been

Sometimes I turn my back on
the truth of who I was
how cruel I could be
setting to the floods
I burned bridges and memories
burned it all to the floor
made sure I couldn’t remember
because I didn’t want it no more
I was held up on pedestals
called a goddess and a queen
but then I remember
all the hell that I’d bring
nobody knew me
even when they thought they did
because I didn’t trust them
that’s the way that I lived
sometimes I try my best to forget
like nothing ever happened
before I decided it did
but when I lost everything
even my mind
I saw it all clearly
the choices were mine
I know who I am now
because I know where I’ve been
sometimes I might want to run
but I stand where I am
I’ll grow from the ashes
or I’ll accept that I’ve drowned
I’ll make my own way here
someway somehow
and when sometimes I cry
I’ll know I need to let it out

Next

Let’s move on
thank you
let’s get gone
next
everything
keeps moving
momentum never stops
it’s churning
burning castles down
It’s fog
obscuring vision
you don’t want to see
let’s move on
before we bleed
thank you
thank you, next
on me
cry for help
what else it be
you got problems
they got trees
moving forward
gets pleading
do not learn
the lesson shallow
mist that obscures
the visions Hallowed
everything
comes to an end
see through
bedrooms
Heavens sent
let’s get gone
just keep on moving
thank you
but I’m still perusing
get the taste of everything
I say I’ve learned
but it has no meaning
thank you, next
a cry of fleeting
let’s keep moving
let’s get gone
before we see meaning
in what we’ve done wrong

Without regrets

Regret, everybody got regret
everybody got something
suspect
about who they used to be-
and if you are really clean
nobody gives a damn,
you live a life nobody can.
Regret, is kinda human man
an emotion triggering development
you learn from the things that you did
learn the lessons and get on it
why we pretending
our mistakes don’t live
making up excuses
and break the bed
turn the picture round so you’re glad
never admit a fault
or get up off the lawn
make your grave right there
because it’s not your fault
never regret a damn thing-
the whole game lost.

Absorbed

Lately I’ve become
a monster in the sun
all my battles won
when darkness fled.
Lately I’ve retired
all excuses required
to hide away from self
and all I’ve done.
Lately I’ve aspired
higher than before
my dreams on fire
when all darkness is
absorbed.