I wanna be a mushroom
grow out of decay
but I just lay here festering
soaking up the pain
crying on the inside
moistening my bones
rotting from the inside
never letting go
I wanna be a mushroom
sprout from what’s been lost
but all I do is waste away
dying inside this rot.


I dread the moment you come back again
try to get back in my head
where you can chain me to your ways
make me you in this flesh I tamed
I dread the day I must fight for me
to remain a solitary identity
where I control just how I breathe
keep you out of this flesh of me
I dread the day you knock on my door
that I may flee into the floor
pretend I have never once existed
but then I think it’s the fear I’ll miss it
miss my chance to destroy my keeper
keep you out of my head forever
you can’t chain me when you’re dead
you can no longer live in my head
I dread the day we say goodbye
that I might feel more sadness inside
even though I know it’s better
I fear I’ll mourn you now and forever

Like a bad memory

Let me tell you
I know I’m not perfect
I’ve been down right ruthless
I’ve made scars I can’t undo
I’ve made you feel like you do
I know I’m not that great
I’ve been like Judas mate
I’ve been down right irate
and scared the likes of you
I’ve been troubled that’s the truth
I’ve got to live with what I used
like a junkie I’ve made mistakes
looking for something not on my plate
I’ve been hungry and I got fed
now you mad and my face is red
let me tell you I understand
you got feelings I ain’t mad
because you do you please and thanks
keep all the feels that you hate
because I made mistakes
my choices made you irate
and now I’m like Judas man
betrayed you oh so bad
and you got feels right now
it’s not your fault I did it all
it’s not your fault I caused the fall
let me just say you’re right
you feel what you feel inside
it doesn’t make it better
but this is what I have done
I’ve been so not that fun
I made you cry and hurt
I made you hunger and thirst
yeah I’m still trying to change
but you’re feelings in their place
I won’t tell you you’re wrong
this is not my swan song
I just keep swimming in
the truth of how I lived
I own most everything
the bad the good and the ugly
you do what’s right for you
if it hurts me that’s my truth
but in the end it’s all alright
if I did you dirty it’s you that’s right
let me tell you just one thing
I know just who I be
it ain’t always so pretty
I’ve been a very bad girl
and if I could change it I would
but we can’t go back and I can’t erase
so feel what you feel it’s all in place
because I know just who I am
where I’ve been and the damage at hand
cut me off and feel no shame
if I hurt you at the end of the day
I know I’m Judas man
been doing the best I can
it’s not enough and I’m so sorry
so do what you feel and don’t think of me
let me tell you all I’ve seen
my past is since no victory
so feel what you feel
I won’t try to say
it’s wrong if you’re hurt man it’s really okay
throw me out like a bad memory
I know what I did my choices I bleed

Never learned to bluff

Goodbye tomorrow
and all my future plans
goodbye to sun rise
I didn’t take it while I had the chance
goodbye to tomorrow
and all my so called friends
when I don’t answer
know you can’t make amends
goodbye to the future
the one that I had thought I planned
goodbye to tomorrow
I think I finally understand
I’ll forget tomorrow
and keep walking on a straight path
because tomorrow
may not come but I don’t give a damn
goodbye to everything
I think I’ve done just about enough
I’m taking the next train
and know I never learned to bluff

Silver fixes everything

Everything in purple coated tinsel
wiping at the froth its gone quite mental
we dance until our feet bleed but we don’t see
the glitter cutting eyeballs until they bleed
bleeding like your feet but you keep dancing
singing in the shower it’s not happening
you’re driving rather reckless with a blindfold
you thought that you let go but you held on so
so now you’re feeling lost like its not happening
it’s happening like the blood puddle is laughing
everything in decorated sugars like on ice cream
the tinsel burning eyes that bleed the icing
we cannot see we cannot feel but our feet bleed
wiping at the froth and drinking nicely
we spill it but it’s fine it’s silver lining

Once again

I let things go
but never truly
I hold them close
I keep them to me
never so
I’ll say goodbye
I keep these moments
you made me feel
I remember things
you meant to kill
I let go
of many things
never truly
though it seems
I will see you
once again
when this chapter
of light ends

In the smoke

forget to move
everything you do
you remove
the good,
the bad,
the ugly too
all of it
in full view
like a flower
the color calls
you watch yourself-
you do no wrong
turn the pages,
form the mobs
burn the bridges
now you move on


He looks into eyes, fears the darkness,
sees the armored woman brandishing blade
worn and surrounded by light
he kills the shadows
proclaiming Goddess
he’s down on knees
he bleeds.
He calls her by name, he follows her to battle,
he names her Freya speaking soft.
Chains of love and merciless abuse, his Goddess flees,
but he pursues.
The madness in her eyes only needs the light
he brings the fire, burns her raw
flesh exposed he screams her name,
calling her Freya.
Shielded Goddess carrying bloodied blade
sits in flames as he slays her darkness
the madness building
all she needed was a sheath
but the darkness has been slain
and the Goddess lays dormant once again.

He stands at her ashes waiting for a phoenix
what rises next he proclaims a demon.
A raven woman dressed in madness
crazed from the fire consumed by her ashes.
He looks into eyes and sees his Goddess
fear in his heart he does not understand
as the woman rises talons for hands.
Stripped of her armor, stripped of his light
she rises from ashes in lightless night
glory is her who stands on her own
but as she is watching Odin is calling her home
thought himself a God Muninn will say
thought himself deserving, until he felt betrayed
he thought that he could see, but feared the absence of day
said that I was Goddess, but even then asked me to stay.

16 September 2014