Under sheets

All the clutter in my head
noiseless sound and day old bread
can’t get up no sight or ground
my feet touching skyward bound
I am falling up not down
my words seem to make it loud
mouth is shut-they still persists
these words all out of context.
All this clutter in my head
I’d need three of me to send
just enough to breathe again
get these thoughts out of my bed.

Advertisements

The truth about recovery

Guess I’m still sick
presenting well my shtick
a coping skill near heaven sent
leaves me dissociated and bent
forgetting what my true feeling is.

Guess I’m still sick
when a child’s laughter turns into
cries for help
you hear children playing
I hear children being tortured and killed.

Guess I’m still sick
when visions of violence
never leave my head
is it still intrusive if these thoughts
stay ever present?

Guess I’m still sick
so broken I missed
the signs and symptoms of
unreal bliss
hoping to God I don’t lose my shit
or at least I would if I could think of it
dissociation is fun
until you realize this
you haven’t been living for too damn long.

Into the black

This reality it screams to me
the paintings on the wall
they believe in me
and everything that’s shinning
is illuminating scenes where the darkness
cries but no one heeds.
No one saves the monster they are far to grotesque
and no one loves a martyr they just lay the soul to rest
and though there is but one parade to say hooray the day is saved
not a mind would think on it if nothing was given away.
Here we are again, the crazy girl within, she’s singing songs
and playing along to whatever dreams let live.
Here we are again it seems lost little willow chasing seams
the tattered remains of broken things
and everything she wanted to believe.
Standing still on top that hill her mountain crumbles forgotten Jill.
Standing still, that crazy girl itches for escape, but when
the world stops she gets kicked off never to be seen again
and this reality it screams to me
like a forgotten dream it seems
that every night before I wake I die in the black and can’t escape.
That crazy girl inside my head she’s screaming soundless
back to bed. The space outside the world it bends
the stars on fire they take my meds and no one knows
just where to go
and everything that sings it glows, and no one
has the time it shows
that crazy girl within is singing every note a silent
screaming, never ending just this day
just continues dreaming.