Dry floor

Trying not to breathe
be anything but me
break down
and break some more
keep writhing on the floor
fall down don’t try again
keep bathing in dead skin
keep drinking from that well
keep drowning in the sun
baked by light and air so fun
trying not to breathe
lungs try desperately
be anything but me
dead if it has to be
break down and then again
writhing in this sin
drinking all that’s come before
drowning on dry floor

Advertisements

Dread

I dread the moment you come back again
try to get back in my head
where you can chain me to your ways
make me you in this flesh I tamed
I dread the day I must fight for me
to remain a solitary identity
where I control just how I breathe
keep you out of this flesh of me
I dread the day you knock on my door
that I may flee into the floor
pretend I have never once existed
but then I think it’s the fear I’ll miss it
miss my chance to destroy my keeper
keep you out of my head forever
you can’t chain me when you’re dead
you can no longer live in my head
I dread the day we say goodbye
that I might feel more sadness inside
even though I know it’s better
I fear I’ll mourn you now and forever

Where I’ve been

Sometimes I turn my back on
the truth of who I was
how cruel I could be
setting to the floods
I burned bridges and memories
burned it all to the floor
made sure I couldn’t remember
because I didn’t want it no more
I was held up on pedestals
called a goddess and a queen
but then I remember
all the hell that I’d bring
nobody knew me
even when they thought they did
because I didn’t trust them
that’s the way that I lived
sometimes I try my best to forget
like nothing ever happened
before I decided it did
but when I lost everything
even my mind
I saw it all clearly
the choices were mine
I know who I am now
because I know where I’ve been
sometimes I might want to run
but I stand where I am
I’ll grow from the ashes
or I’ll accept that I’ve drowned
I’ll make my own way here
someway somehow
and when sometimes I cry
I’ll know I need to let it out

Really hurt

It’s what we get
it isn’t right
when one can go
from shades of white
to have their whole identity
written out and then believed
we deserve what we received
we let their lies stand still believed
it’s what we get for misreading
it’s what we get it isn’t right
it isn’t what you wanna see tonight
but we got what we deserved
burning ourselves really hurt

In my skin

I’ve been a lot of things
a lot of it ain’t good
thought I knew so much
but I really misunderstood
I strayed away from self
walked right into hell
let the devil take my hand
thought I was better than
been a bitch
and pretty fucking selfish
I’ve been a lot of things
been pretty fucking desperate
crawling on the walls
been begging for attention
I’ve embarrassed myself a lot
more than I’d like to admit
been on the wrong side of right
and said I’m okay with it
I’ve been a lot of things
but now I just wanna grow
move on from all that evil
like the glory in me show
remember that I love truth
and want to exemplify the good
I’ve been a lot of things
I’ll be a lot more
but this time I’m changing
changing that’s for sure
move like light through water
let God have His way
I’ve been a lot of things
I know I’ll never be a saint
but I can be much better now
now that I can admit
I wasn’t ever really the best person
I was just growing in my skin

about me

Let’s talk about me
let’s talk about all I’m gonna be
let’s talk about my favorite subject
let’s get to know me
I wanna be
everything that I can be
oh they like it that’s the new me
yes I’m a queen
I rock that black lipstick and sing
oh best believe I’m everything I claim to be
oh it’s all me
I’m every woman yes indeed
I like to play I like to scream
I’ll bend my back I’m pure naughty
a princess and a boss that’s me
I’ll pay the bills and buy the house
won’t wash the dishes my brands out
I’ll play like boys and think like men
I don’t know where this gonna end
oh I’m on top
let’s talk about me
let’s talk about my duality
I am a queen
a girl a woman and the means
I am all things
I love that metal and that pop
I am so much
so many things I have forgot
let’s talk about me
my favorite subject best believe
I’ll change everything
just so you think I’m cool baby
it’s all a game
let’s talk about me
who am I supposed to be
because I don’t know
don’t remember my last show
it’s something different
but all the same it’s what you want
let’s talk about me
let’s talk about all the things I love

How we can recover

The myth of moderation
is not a myth at all,
it’s a method of recovery
but not a one for all.
AA is a program,
filled with lots of faults
it may help some people
but it’s not a guaranteed stop.
Getting into rehab
works sometimes-it’s true,
but there are some people
this method just won’t get to.
Therapy can be effective,
therapy can be a cure,
but some people just don’t like it,
they feel this method is absurd.
Harm reductions great
truly one of my faves
but even with this method
you may not be saved.
Moderation is a method
just like so many things-
a method to living,
breathing what you seek.
The myth of moderation
is not a myth at all,
just like AA
this method has its faults
some may find recovery
others find more drugs
in the end it’s discovery
of just what side you’re on.

Over the cloud bridge

Where am I now
what road is this
how did I wake up
how did I dress
everything is quite the same
different but so mundane
every word comes crashing down
where I’ve been is in the clouds
broken bones-no way out
where I am is where I’ve been
did I wake up or am I dead?