Smoke break

I need a smoke break
need time to think
time to remember what is me
I need to breathe that dirty air
get myself away from here
smoked it right down to the filter
got myself smoking dinner
I need to escape and find myself
don’t know my name
or where I’m bound
I need a smoke break before the train
don’t know where I’m belonging again

Lay me down

I ain’t the chick you rock with doll
I ain’t the one you forget to call
I’ll sit you down real nice and sweet
keep you smiling
keep you weak
knock out your fucking teeth
get you with a cast iron pan
in the middle of the night
remind you who I am
don’t forget I ain’t the one to call
I don’t want to be a fucking doll
I’ll tell you simple I’m not interested
don’t come on begging
cause I got a lot to give
throw you a bone honey
throw you a fist
you think you’re in heaven
and I’ll tell you how to live
how to walk the fuck away
with your tail between your legs
remember that I said
you won’t forget my name
I ain’t the chick you rock with
I get mine in the end
because I know what I am dear
when I lay me down to bed

Complete

Who are we today
another picture perfect play
a face to love
a voice to covet
who you want
but that one doesn’t
for I don’t know who I am
but there it is
the master plan
I see what I like
another pretty face
a style I want
a personality on display
who are we today
who we’ll be tomorrow
another picture perfect moment
another thing we’ve made
for I don’t know what I am
who it is I’m meant to be
for I don’t know myself you see
who are we today
made up of pieces played
like dominoes lined up
I fall to a pretty cup
that pattern looks like me
or who I’d like to be
based on things I’ve seen
but not who I might be
who we are it’s malleable
based on pretty things
drives us mad
it makes us sad
as we can’t ever feel
complete

Who am I

I don’t see myself reflected in your eyes
just a different fucking girl
a different version you prefer
of the girl I just might be
if interpretations are to be believed
I don’t see myself in the mirror any longer
just a series of women
each one a different genre
something someone wanted to see
a person they wanted me to be
just a warm body to take up a seat
to give them advice on the cheap
and this the meaning of me
what I am lead to believe
the truth only relative
that you see what you want I guess
hear my name and make up a face
pick my home and my birth place
I don’t see myself when I walk outside
every person picks a different kind
it’s like what flavor might I be tonight
because you don’t really care who am I

What’s in my coffee

Tell me
tell me please
what do you think
when you see me
do you see
the animal
or just a woman
with some claws
tell me please
tell me something
describe my name
or bring me coffee
with the cream
and plenty sugar
tell me please
what is a woman.

Finding me

I thought I loved you
then I walked further on outside
I saw the real sun
the kind you can’t hide when it’s this bright
I thought I knew trust
like it was something we just do
like, I like this person so I trust them that’s the truth
but it’s not true
I never trust a single body
I never let them in though they thought I did
never spoke the truth to nobody
I thought they loved me
made excuses every damn day
why’d they forget me
why didn’t they invite me to stay
I thought you trusted me
that I was the dramatic one
saying you only come around when you need something
that’s for sure
you only came around when you needed me
to do what no one else would get done
I thought we were more
lovers and friends alike
but I got played hard
and at the very end of the night I walk home alone
don’t get no call in the morning, no
I just walk on alone
and realize I never felt anything close to love
because I never trusted you
nor did I really have respect
you thought you knew me
but you haven’t learned a damn thing yet
and now it’s over
so neither of us will know
what really went on here
I guess we’re just footprints in the snow
I thought I loved you
but I was too guarded to see
that I didn’t need you I just needed somebody
something to cling to
while I was desperately finding me.

Selflessly selfish

Selflessly selfish
I don’t want to be me
I don’t want to be surviving
just so I no longer scream
I don’t want give myself up
don’t want to ask for you
I just want to be somewhere
I actually feel I belong too
selflessly selfish
I don’t want to be so I am
I just want to forget it
forget me like I’m a sin
just want to move right past it
give nothing else away
I don’t ever receive anything
though I demand to be paid
selfish isn’t worth it
when you end up with nothing
when you’re all alone and crying
I wish I could forget me
gave all of me away and
now I’m all used up
made so many mistakes here
don’t know how to fix my wrongs
it’s life I’m always starting
starting over from the top
selflessly selfish
I don’t want to be me
I just want to go somewhere
I feel I belong maybe
I don’t want to give myself away
I don’t want to take all of your pain
I just want to be somewhere I belong
I wish I could forget me
I wish I never was
that I could just go back to
being part of the cosmic flood
selfishly quite selfless
I don’t want to be who I am
I just want to say goodbye here
and forget who I really am

All I’ve been

In the midst of the deep ocean all I see is black
a world beneath what’s been forgotten to which I can’t turn back
a mess of mind and soul in tatters everything is cracked
I cannot move for lack of vision my body is the sand
deep within the darkest ocean I’ve been driven mad
still I’m breathing no longer living forgotten what I am
a world beneath what’s been forgotten an ocean dark and then
the world beneath is filled with light no longer empty seas
I no longer see the black but the light has blinded me
forgotten still what was before I no longer feel my skin
sand consumes the driving force beneath the waters land
in the midst of the deep ocean all I know is gone
broken lost once forever forgotten all I’ve been