Where I’ve been

Sometimes I turn my back on
the truth of who I was
how cruel I could be
setting to the floods
I burned bridges and memories
burned it all to the floor
made sure I couldn’t remember
because I didn’t want it no more
I was held up on pedestals
called a goddess and a queen
but then I remember
all the hell that I’d bring
nobody knew me
even when they thought they did
because I didn’t trust them
that’s the way that I lived
sometimes I try my best to forget
like nothing ever happened
before I decided it did
but when I lost everything
even my mind
I saw it all clearly
the choices were mine
I know who I am now
because I know where I’ve been
sometimes I might want to run
but I stand where I am
I’ll grow from the ashes
or I’ll accept that I’ve drowned
I’ll make my own way here
someway somehow
and when sometimes I cry
I’ll know I need to let it out

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Weather

If I am worth it
how would you know
you keep yourself hidden
while you demand growth
I’m lost in silence
a place so familiar
a garden I’ve died here
controlled by the weather
whims of the lips
keeping me together

In my skin

I’ve been a lot of things
a lot of it ain’t good
thought I knew so much
but I really misunderstood
I strayed away from self
walked right into hell
let the devil take my hand
thought I was better than
been a bitch
and pretty fucking selfish
I’ve been a lot of things
been pretty fucking desperate
crawling on the walls
been begging for attention
I’ve embarrassed myself a lot
more than I’d like to admit
been on the wrong side of right
and said I’m okay with it
I’ve been a lot of things
but now I just wanna grow
move on from all that evil
like the glory in me show
remember that I love truth
and want to exemplify the good
I’ve been a lot of things
I’ll be a lot more
but this time I’m changing
changing that’s for sure
move like light through water
let God have His way
I’ve been a lot of things
I know I’ll never be a saint
but I can be much better now
now that I can admit
I wasn’t ever really the best person
I was just growing in my skin

To die a tree

I find it rather freeing
though the lesson is quite fleeting
I’m just another board amongst the floor
the wood in which you walk upon through doors
the first and very foremost a mark upon my soul
I find it rather freeing to get lost inside it all
a piece of decoration I find myself to be
waxed and made all pretty
so your guest can finally see
I find it rather fleeting how quickly one forgets
I may be a fixture but I am free in this
I know where my heart is, the bones and my lost flesh
I may be a floor board but I will die a tree I must confess
free from underfoot I’ll grow just as I should
I find it rather fleeting how often it’s misunderstood

Forever flowers

Flowers grow here
they never die
the gardens lively
this time of night
I seek fulfillment
I seek new life
flowers that fall here
never survive
they will be smothered
they’ll see no sun
flowers that grow here
do this for fun
I wonder so wildly
so wide and obscure
flowers grow here
and all around the world
everything dies
but not this garden
though it grows dulls
now lacking in flavor
for I wish I could kill them
do them a favor.

The clock tower

The tragedy of growth
is taken under oath
the liability
of gardening the weeds
plucking all the roses
killing time of soldiers
breaking all the watches
make sure that they’re stopping
dropping from the rooftops
the melody is ruthless
toothless and unused if
you can find excuses.

The clock tower

The tragedy of growth
is taken under oath
the liability
of gardening the weeds
plucking all the roses
killing time of soldiers
breaking all the watches
make sure that they’re stopping
dropping from the rooftops
the melody is ruthless
toothless and unused if
you can find excuses.

Eyes on the ceiling

Eyes on the ceiling
true love forgets
children don’t die here
though often regret
the dreams that we had
we all have left
gaining a rainbow
colored death
broken like glass
good porcelain
the mirrors all shattered
the silver is lost
eyes on the ceiling
sins they have watched

Give me bones

Let me at it
let me back in
heal me doctor
make me feel again
I’ve been dying
for better or worse
I’m ready for help now
it’s all a curse
I’m asking for something
something to save me
I know it’s a long road
but I’m ready lately
can’t help but wonder
how much weight I’ve lost
if I am still here
and at what real cost
I’ve been a ghost dear
and I’m ready for flesh
give me some bones here
teach me to walk
let me back at it
I’m ready to stop