Don’t wanna

I don’t wanna wake up
I don’t wanna see the truth
I don’t wanna know right from wrong
or good from bad
I want to go on living under sand
and I want to stop
feel like I’m always ever on top
I don’t wanna wake up
I wanna dream til I believe
I want what’s right now
and what feels good inside of me
I don’t wanna be a grown up
though I’m far too old to make that choice
I don’t wanna know that
I have misused my own voice
oh this is harder
harder than just staying in
I don’t wanna wake up
I’ve already seen where I haven’t been

Advertisements

Pretty lame

I’ve been pathetic
been down right rude
I’m somebody’s broken heart
bet you are too
been the crazy ex girlfriend
and the girl you didn’t label
been everybody’s friend
wound up alone later
I’ve been desperate
and a tool
made mistakes
and really bad choices
everybody’s stories
not exactly the same
but if you think you were cool
you were probably pretty lame

Burning roses

I’m burning roses now
and I ain’t coming down
got no dollar bills
but I’m floating proud
people be looking at me
like I’m so damn lost
but these dreams are happening
no matter the cost
I got my own pen in my hand now
and a voice that I’m using
gonna make my own way
and I’m never pursuing
the past that undid me
when I was living my life
everybody was saying
I was doing it right
had everything wrapped up
in a nice little bow
all my fucking chaos
yeah that shit explode
I can’t do nine to five now
my degree don’t mean nothing
I’m living the life now
that makes me feel something
I’m burning the garden
and feeling so good
you thought that you controlled me
I think you misunderstood
you never did see me
but you took all I had
left me with bad credit
and no fucking cash
had a nervous breakdown
but now I’m not even sad
I’m writing the next chapter
I’m changing the story
you took all I had even the glory
so now I’m crawling upwards
from this dirty floor
everybody might be talking mess
but I’m aiming to soar

In my skin

I’ve been a lot of things
a lot of it ain’t good
thought I knew so much
but I really misunderstood
I strayed away from self
walked right into hell
let the devil take my hand
thought I was better than
been a bitch
and pretty fucking selfish
I’ve been a lot of things
been pretty fucking desperate
crawling on the walls
been begging for attention
I’ve embarrassed myself a lot
more than I’d like to admit
been on the wrong side of right
and said I’m okay with it
I’ve been a lot of things
but now I just wanna grow
move on from all that evil
like the glory in me show
remember that I love truth
and want to exemplify the good
I’ve been a lot of things
I’ll be a lot more
but this time I’m changing
changing that’s for sure
move like light through water
let God have His way
I’ve been a lot of things
I know I’ll never be a saint
but I can be much better now
now that I can admit
I wasn’t ever really the best person
I was just growing in my skin

Turning in the circus

Turning in the circus
drinking in the glee
smoking up the colors
bleeding from the sea
everything is tasty
the earth feels quite a home
turning over flowers
growing all alone
burning in the lungs now
take another drink
the clowns have all been coming
the smoke is all around
turning in the tents
the new is so profound

Give me bones

Let me at it
let me back in
heal me doctor
make me feel again
I’ve been dying
for better or worse
I’m ready for help now
it’s all a curse
I’m asking for something
something to save me
I know it’s a long road
but I’m ready lately
can’t help but wonder
how much weight I’ve lost
if I am still here
and at what real cost
I’ve been a ghost dear
and I’m ready for flesh
give me some bones here
teach me to walk
let me back at it
I’m ready to stop

Blood graces

I’m a fool for help
I’m a tool it’s true
I’ve been so misused
guess I just like
the abuse
thought trusting
was good
just misunderstood
that you can’t trust
someone
not even of blood
that at the end of the day
you’re on your own
when they stay
when they need something
more to display
but when you’ve done
all that you can
they’ll abandon you, glad
just like the damned
you’ll lose grace.

In the time of the child activist

Children teaching children
who then teach the adults
tell them how the world works
and what we all should want
peace, love and equality
oppressive systems dismantled at all cost
but they don’t know what a payment is
or how these victories are wrought
children know of child things
adults remember well
remember what it was like
living in youths shell
children teaching children
who then teach the adults
who listen without flinching
or giving second thought
everything is perfect
when seen through child eyes
but when they all grow up
they will regret this time
children are just children
adults should always protect
when children teach the adults
the adults choose to forget
that children are just children
and when we fail them so
the world will burn so gloriously
so hopeless and so alone.

Mirror of what came before

It’s the same
and yet
yet so completely
different
not again
but similar
still leaves my mind
searching for words
now
now that everything
is different
but all the same
old wounds
do not forget
the pain all in my skin
memory of flesh
but then
this time
it’s completely different
like night and day
but still we miss
everything
we want to forget
memories
under our skin
finger nails
and on our neck
makes the differences
seem
nonexistent.

Tricky

I find myself still wanting
beloved and adored
the curse of having fallen
face planted to the floor.
Decades lost to sacrifice
the writings on the wall
just a skip past circumstance
I find I’ve done it wrong.
Never looking back-not a choice
just a fact
cannot turn a neck that’s twisted
this way over that.
I find myself still wanting
singing words of lunatics.
I find myself still haunting
the days old tired myths.