The script

Do you see what I see?
Can you read the script?
Do you know what’s coming up
when you’re done with it
or do you just keep living life
repeating what you did-
is it all that matters
or nothing quite at all?
Can I still be in it
when it’s said and done
or have I been rewritten-
another story gone?
Do you see what I see?
Or is it all made up?
Do I live my life here
or did I hit the hard restart.

Forget, move on

So many promises
broken, lost and discarded
you never told me
what you really wanted
this is not okay,
no, it’s really quite disgusting
that my only crime is believing
what you told me,
so many little things left unsaid
didn’t take the time to be acquainted
you took to speaking words so confident
but you never came through
you never made good
just kept fucking talking
like one day you would
but one day never comes
it never gets better
until the final day when I forget forever
every promise broken let’s say that I forgot
I don’t really know you
just start new with what you got
so many broken promises
I forget and then move on

Finding me

I thought I loved you
then I walked further on outside
I saw the real sun
the kind you can’t hide when it’s this bright
I thought I knew trust
like it was something we just do
like, I like this person so I trust them that’s the truth
but it’s not true
I never trust a single body
I never let them in though they thought I did
never spoke the truth to nobody
I thought they loved me
made excuses every damn day
why’d they forget me
why didn’t they invite me to stay
I thought you trusted me
that I was the dramatic one
saying you only come around when you need something
that’s for sure
you only came around when you needed me
to do what no one else would get done
I thought we were more
lovers and friends alike
but I got played hard
and at the very end of the night I walk home alone
don’t get no call in the morning, no
I just walk on alone
and realize I never felt anything close to love
because I never trusted you
nor did I really have respect
you thought you knew me
but you haven’t learned a damn thing yet
and now it’s over
so neither of us will know
what really went on here
I guess we’re just footprints in the snow
I thought I loved you
but I was too guarded to see
that I didn’t need you I just needed somebody
something to cling to
while I was desperately finding me.

Message sent

I think I do better
better without you
got my head all cleared up
and a whole new outlook
got a message in a bottle
and it says you’re not mine
I think I do better without you
so I’m reading it all the damn time
ain’t really that simple
but it’s not complicated
I may want you a lot
but my ass ain’t that jaded
the message that I got
says you ain’t my savior
and not actually my friend
so I think I’ll do better
without seeing our end

But she said

She said you’re a bad guy
you don’t let me out at night
you tell me what to do
even though I asked you to
she says she’s really my friend
she don’t really like you man
she says you’re too controlling
that you want me to do your laundry
though you do mine instead
she says you’re not good in bed
but how would she ever know
she’s lying to me so we don’t wed
why are women so different
they don’t hold you down so much
unless they got what they want
they don’t really act so good
not that loyal like you wish they could
and she says you’re a bad man
that I’m too deep to understand
but I don’t know you’re still my plan
and she don’t talk to me anymore
she says I turned into a whore
all our other friends say
I gave her up so I could get laid
now they are gone and single
I made new friends and mingle
with a bunch of successful women
no little girls those games is wicked
we all found our pairs
no matter who they are
these games are fair
she said I should leave you
but now I know the real truth
she was so lonely and scared
she wanted someone else to be right there
misery loves company
it’s why having girlfriends is new to me
they get a bit vicious sometimes
so I found new friends that get my life
she said she hates me now
but I’m not in that crowd
I found new friends who say
they love me no matter my date
they love me cause I knew to stay
that they love me at the end of each day

Where I’ve been

Sometimes I turn my back on
the truth of who I was
how cruel I could be
setting to the floods
I burned bridges and memories
burned it all to the floor
made sure I couldn’t remember
because I didn’t want it no more
I was held up on pedestals
called a goddess and a queen
but then I remember
all the hell that I’d bring
nobody knew me
even when they thought they did
because I didn’t trust them
that’s the way that I lived
sometimes I try my best to forget
like nothing ever happened
before I decided it did
but when I lost everything
even my mind
I saw it all clearly
the choices were mine
I know who I am now
because I know where I’ve been
sometimes I might want to run
but I stand where I am
I’ll grow from the ashes
or I’ll accept that I’ve drowned
I’ll make my own way here
someway somehow
and when sometimes I cry
I’ll know I need to let it out

Like a bad memory

Let me tell you
I know I’m not perfect
I’ve been down right ruthless
I’ve made scars I can’t undo
I’ve made you feel like you do
I know I’m not that great
I’ve been like Judas mate
I’ve been down right irate
and scared the likes of you
I’ve been troubled that’s the truth
I’ve got to live with what I used
like a junkie I’ve made mistakes
looking for something not on my plate
I’ve been hungry and I got fed
now you mad and my face is red
let me tell you I understand
you got feelings I ain’t mad
because you do you please and thanks
keep all the feels that you hate
because I made mistakes
my choices made you irate
and now I’m like Judas man
betrayed you oh so bad
and you got feels right now
it’s not your fault I did it all
it’s not your fault I caused the fall
let me just say you’re right
you feel what you feel inside
it doesn’t make it better
but this is what I have done
I’ve been so not that fun
I made you cry and hurt
I made you hunger and thirst
yeah I’m still trying to change
but you’re feelings in their place
I won’t tell you you’re wrong
this is not my swan song
I just keep swimming in
the truth of how I lived
I own most everything
the bad the good and the ugly
you do what’s right for you
if it hurts me that’s my truth
but in the end it’s all alright
if I did you dirty it’s you that’s right
let me tell you just one thing
I know just who I be
it ain’t always so pretty
I’ve been a very bad girl
and if I could change it I would
but we can’t go back and I can’t erase
so feel what you feel it’s all in place
because I know just who I am
where I’ve been and the damage at hand
cut me off and feel no shame
if I hurt you at the end of the day
I know I’m Judas man
been doing the best I can
it’s not enough and I’m so sorry
so do what you feel and don’t think of me
let me tell you all I’ve seen
my past is since no victory
so feel what you feel
I won’t try to say
it’s wrong if you’re hurt man it’s really okay
throw me out like a bad memory
I know what I did my choices I bleed

Running

They don’t come running
no they don’t bring you home
they don’t care
no they don’t care where you go
they won’t come running
though you dream they would
that they’d be there for
only if they could
but you know better
know more than they
they don’t come running
they don’t come your way
they won’t bring you home
or call out your name
thought that they’d care
but that’s not the case
they don’t come running
at least not for you
no you know them better
than you use to
and so you just know that
they aren’t coming
so you save yourself
there’s no real use in running.

That’s ignorant

Tell me again
how you are my friend
what do you know
that I don’t?
Where have you been
while I’ve been worn thin
by others who claim to be-
all of the words,
the pride and the curse
all they have said to me,
but you say we’re fine
a group undivided by thought
or differing feeling
yet you abuse
those that you choose
break those that disagree
I’ve been just fine living my life
a life that has taught me to see
that nobody’s perfect
we’re all just that ignorant
that in a mass
we all can’t believe
liberation not always the same
dream