Spent

Speak the silence
and down yourself
there’s no way
of getting out
you won’t live long
so don’t fret
you can’t get out
the words all spent

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Screaming and dreaming

Screaming and dreaming
that this will all now end
the river of blood
that it has been pretend
that every pain and cut
that we have suffered
is just another nightmare
existing under covers
screaming and dreaming
of something than the other
every bit of malcontent
the dreams of cowards
years we spent
and now it ends with this
screaming in the decadence

Future desires

I find myself still wanting
still fearing in the night
so scared of what tomorrow brings
drunken off this fright
my soul feels everlasting
though I might die tonight
I find myself always wanting
always dreaming of this plight
the fight for immortality
for living past my death
to know what will become of me
when I finally lay to rest

Dread

I dread the moment you come back again
try to get back in my head
where you can chain me to your ways
make me you in this flesh I tamed
I dread the day I must fight for me
to remain a solitary identity
where I control just how I breathe
keep you out of this flesh of me
I dread the day you knock on my door
that I may flee into the floor
pretend I have never once existed
but then I think it’s the fear I’ll miss it
miss my chance to destroy my keeper
keep you out of my head forever
you can’t chain me when you’re dead
you can no longer live in my head
I dread the day we say goodbye
that I might feel more sadness inside
even though I know it’s better
I fear I’ll mourn you now and forever

Crumbles

It all comes crumbling down
tick the clocks and run right now
burn the pictures trash the house
tear the curtains break the mirrors
we are dying breaking fear
it all comes down crumbling so
the world we’ve lost, lost all we know
broken pictures broken dreams
we got lost in all our screams
tick the clocks and tock the time
we all crumble before we die

Bring on the knife

Bring on the knife
let’s cut too deep
we’re all looking to lose sleep
to be afraid of monsters clear
cut that vein the wrist it’s near
bring on the knife
let’s get to the point
you want a story
we all want a drink
bring me the blade
and let’s cut too deep
we’re all looking to lose it
to destroy the high
stay wide awake don’t sleep at night
bring on the knife
burn fear into bones
we like to bleed
and know where to go
how to see the beast
without losing one’s soul
bring on the knife
teach them to bleed
we all want fear to fuel all our dreams

The hero in you

Everybody wants to be a hero
but no one wants to feel the fear
everybody wants to be a hero
but can’t be helped to hear
everybody wants a bad guy
we love a madman or so we think
everybody wants to change them
give them love and make them see
everybody wants the challenge
but don’t want it challenging
they don’t want to work too hard
and they never want to lose a thing
everybody wants the courage
be brave and save the scene
but nobody got the common sense
to see how very different
it really is to be the thing
that you say you want to be
it’s not that you can and don’t know
it’s that you’re a coward and let it show
wants can come and feelings go
but not everybody’s a hero that we know
gotta go through fear to learn to scream
gotta brave the darkness to be free
gotta keep repeating and doing it again
because if everybody was a hero
we would see that heroes save the day
while everybody watches
nobody wants the debt or to pay the cost
everybody’s a hero when nothing can be lost

Lips don’t move

I live my life in silence
recognize it’s violent
but lips don’t move when they’re afraid
living life just say by day
don’t fear the noise don’t fear the pain
everything will be okay
living life behind the screen
eyes they like but never see
recognize the truth baby
but sleep tonight as if it’s clean
don’t be afraid just go to sleep
in the end it’s memory
I lived my life all half asleep
a dream a nightmare I know nothing
lips don’t move when they’re afraid
a child a person no one remains
the mind once lost got found in vain
trouble makes the nightmares gain
feel the anger fear the pain
just don’t wake up go insane
if it comes the neighbors may
lips don’t move when they’re afraid

Pack rat

My brain don’t work so well no more
it’s cluttered like my floor
I can’t see my carpet nor the door
I’m waiting for the storm to stop
it’s quiet but no room to talk
no room to think more than once
can’t see can’t hear don’t know my name
my brain got lost along the way
and every piece of drunk decay
keeps it molded and still grey
the pain it won’t ever go away
my brain don’t work so well no more
I’m drunk and cluttered on the floor
everything is boxes filled
I’m hurting but I can not think
I’m dreaming now my visions weak

#Iamnotokay

I am not okay
want you to know today
the painful truth of self
how i let myself down
didn’t speak the pain
refused to say the name
said the truth must be
that i cut myself baby
I’ll show you as if it’s art
cry tears that are hard to start
about why I’m always afraid
but i can work today
share my pain as though it’s yours
hurt the world with my last word
I am not okay
because I could never say
the name or how I felt
how i let myself down
I cut myself today
triggered others with my pain
don’t sell a proper way out
show beauty in pain right now
the beauty in tragedy
though self mutilation be
a horrid act of self
I am not okay
but this is my hell
I didn’t speak when spoken to
if this is happening to you
speak out and do not mince
words that stick to lips
force screams and let them know
you aren’t okay don’t let go
cutting is not beauty
scars remind us truly
that ignoring our own pain
breaks us of our name
don’t glorify that scene
with pictures meant to be
beautifully framed art without a game
scars and cuts they are the same
as what nobody needs
you share a picture please
remember what it means
that pain is not beauty
there’s no strength in being a victim
survival is much different
then living and learning to thrive
a victim is not how you strive
don’t glorify your scars
your pain is not who you are
I live my life in fear
overcome it live my dears
don’t allow the rich to bleed
bleed unto you baby
just lift yourself back up
even if you cut
don’t glorify that pain
glorify the strength that comes
by admitting you need help
by leaving victimhood for health