Think I’m

Think I’m crying cause I miss you
think I’m going half insane
missing the hell you brought me
missing all that pain
I keep screaming darling
I keep asking please
think that I’m going crazy
missing all the tears I bleed
then it all gets clearer
while I look through the smoke
I don’t miss all the pain
I miss the ending of the joke
the part where we’re all laughing
acting like a family
think I’m going crazy
missing all that abuse
then when the smoke gets thick
I know I know the truth
think that I’m moving faster
moving far from you
think that I’m making progress
think it’s another breakthrough

My burden and yours

Let me be honest
I am a burden sometimes
when I have a freak out
it’s like living on ice
I’ve got some problems
that could give you your own
I know I am a burden
it is my life after all.
Let’s just be honest
my symptoms affect you
I may be suffering
but you’re human too,
you won’t say the words
so let me just speak them
I am a burden
the burden you choose
I may be difficult
but let’s not get confused
difficult isn’t unwanted
unneeded or unloved
when I say I’m a burden
it means I’m something
others would give up.
Let’s just be clear
you’re a burden too
think about your illness,
disability, and truth
you can be quite difficult
and many will be pained
nobody is infallible, perfect
or a saint
everywhere there’s someone
who wished they hadn’t met you
so don’t forget there’s burden
even when you’re feeling special.

Family talk

You smell like cheap perfume
you hug me until I gag,
can’t remember the last time
you were really quite as fat
you hug me and say you miss me
Say you love me to the moon
and back

but I’m not back
and I don’t appreciate the gag
the jokes on you
because I’m tired of being used
you give only to take
the mistake is my own
you think that you are special
but your more common than mold

You smell like cheap perfume
it suffocates the room
I’m only here to be polite
it’s a holiday and I abide
you hug me until I gagged
then you look around and laugh
disrespect is relative
and I’ve heard
where your words been


They don’t come running
no they don’t bring you home
they don’t care
no they don’t care where you go
they won’t come running
though you dream they would
that they’d be there for
only if they could
but you know better
know more than they
they don’t come running
they don’t come your way
they won’t bring you home
or call out your name
thought that they’d care
but that’s not the case
they don’t come running
at least not for you
no you know them better
than you use to
and so you just know that
they aren’t coming
so you save yourself
there’s no real use in running.

Empty apartment

She talked of many things
her heart was filled with love
and everybody loves this girl
loved her ever so much,
but no one could see behind
the lips that formed a smile
never looked her in the eyes
the eyes that held this child
every bit of darkness
she left out for display
she talked about many things
things you never heard her say
her heart was filled with sadness
she tried to cure it with love
never felt the return
even though
she heard it all the time
and when she said goodbye
you missed her you even cried
thought she might be dead
but didn’t care enough.


Opening the trunk she finds pastel sweaters-Easter wear. She’s not exactly pleased with any of this, but she grabs a blue one and closes the trunk. She’s extremely uncomfortable and it shows. In front of the full mirror see can’t shake it from her smile-she’s dying.
First of all she’s not a dress girl and when she does partake it’s certainly not in a sundress. Which, certainly wouldn’t be in white-or rather, eggshell.
She begins making faces in the mirror. Sticking out her tongue and bulging her eyes just so she can laugh a bit. The blue sweater goes about her shoulders, heavy, but once secure she fixes her bow. Yes, her hair has a pretty ribbon in it tied in a bow to make up for the short hair. At least that’s why-mother insisted.
She runs hands down her stomach hating how she looks like her mother. If it wasn’t for the purple hair it’d almost be like looking at her picture. They have the same face, same eyes, and nose. She thinks still gazing at her features but-I’m nothing like her.
She should get downstairs, but she can’t get her feet to move. Her mind wanders while staring at her face I’m not going to end up like this… oh man… I do look pretty though. She frowns. She does look rather fetching, and for a moment she wonders if her feet won’t move because of fear. She shakes the thought away exiting-defiantly.
When she joins the party her sisters beckon her, each holding glasses of brandy, eyes glowing with glee. The children had started the egg hunt. They exchange kisses and pleasantries while watching them. Her nieces and nephews laugh frantically, all so amused and for a moment having purple hair feels rather-foolish.

Underneath the gold plating

Little black sheep
just go back to sleep
the world is better now
that your eyes are clouds
that you are off in dreamland
the sky in your head Is black
everything you’ve given
no you’ll never get it all back
sacrifice has taken
a toll on your poor soul
you were once the golden child
but the golds been taken hold
everyone now has a piece
again your wool is black
the little sheep once oh so sweet
is dead to all the hands
left for sleep the nightmares reign
you’re not family
you were just Novocain
Little black sheep
never wanted
you can’t get back
what you’ve wanted
little black sheep just go to sleep
once your dead they will weep.

Blood graces

I’m a fool for help
I’m a tool it’s true
I’ve been so misused
guess I just like
the abuse
thought trusting
was good
just misunderstood
that you can’t trust
not even of blood
that at the end of the day
you’re on your own
when they stay
when they need something
more to display
but when you’ve done
all that you can
they’ll abandon you, glad
just like the damned
you’ll lose grace.