The angel in me

Love me when I’m terrible
that’s what they all say
love me like you mean it
like it won’t go away
I’m the piece of rot
kept between your teeth
the piece of loving decay
killing you with me
love me when I’m terrible
that’s what they all say
until I break your back
and then you walk away
I warned you all about it
said that I’m not sugar
you put me in your coffee
you said you like it bitter
the darkness in my soul
you decide to hold
I’m breaking down your body
killing off your soul
and when you walk away
you might feel something
love me when I’m terrible
like you’ll wake the angel in me

Life in crisis

I have lost a lot of things
some small like keys, and books and rings,
but nothing seems too matter these days not after I lost my sanity.
I once was ethical, successful and proud-all my dreams coming around.
Then my illness worsened again
another crisis induced by stress.
Having dedicated my life to what I love best-helping others lost in this mess.
Losing reality, losing my calm, no longer in control of any of my thoughts.
I stepped away so no one got hurt
not just burnt out but seriously disturbed.
I have lost a lot of things,
like a career that took a degree,
a mother, a life, and family-
coming to terms is so fucking daunting,
so unimportant all of those damn dreams.
Came so close to killing this shell
thought about it no pause for help,
during a panic-
when did I start hitting myself?
Can’t stop the thoughts of putting me down
planned it time and time again
but here I am
still breathing.
I have lost a lot of things
sacrifice a vice to me-that
I would offer blood and teeth
for a stranger just to eat.
But in this time of dark mindset
I found out what true love really is
freedom from former ignorance
a new respect for the silence.
Freedom isn’t in a check
and though love isn’t all you need-can’t get by without money-everything is up to me.
I found freedom in my fall
I lost everything friends and all
but what was left in the wreckage
was a new respect for letting myself live.
I’m still broken, crisis ridden
my mind maze bound-sick and twisted.
I have lost a lot of things some small, some large, some in between
but what’s been left in all this wreckage?
A freedom from what’s been expected.

sin eater

I remember;

a vision of what’s to be,

redemption bringer-

sin eater-

Queen of the unseen.

Army of fallen angels

demons of the trade

bring the souls of vision-

reconstruct their debt.

Borrowed vision

see the truth

you’re crimes will ever be removed.

I remember a warrior Queen

saint of the sinful

Lucifer’s dream.

This is the life hidden for me-

a mother in madness,

meant to lead,

ever the teacher a version

conceived

finally understood what’s meant

to be.

(16 June 2016)