My burden and yours

Let me be honest
I am a burden sometimes
when I have a freak out
it’s like living on ice
I’ve got some problems
that could give you your own
I know I am a burden
it is my life after all.
Let’s just be honest
my symptoms affect you
I may be suffering
but you’re human too,
you won’t say the words
so let me just speak them
I am a burden
the burden you choose
I may be difficult
but let’s not get confused
difficult isn’t unwanted
unneeded or unloved
when I say I’m a burden
it means I’m something
others would give up.
Let’s just be clear
you’re a burden too
think about your illness,
disability, and truth
you can be quite difficult
and many will be pained
nobody is infallible, perfect
or a saint
everywhere there’s someone
who wished they hadn’t met you
so don’t forget there’s burden
even when you’re feeling special.

Frame the jigsaw

Separate the piece within
from the rest that’s been given
the puzzle paints the vision red
and leaves the rest soaking wet
every piece a perfect picture
of the words you never say
everything you sound display
dark and black just like decay
the soul that birthed the picture
left a hole inside you can’t forget

Equilibrium

Terror from within
killed the beast but then
here he comes again
the mark of evil on his lips
I have broken bones
these thoughts
they’re not my own
because the beast does live
breathing from my neck
the oxygen is spent
on constant cleverness
fearing for my life
I know I will survive.

The painted world

So aware that it’s not real
all the candy, colors and hills,
all the world that’s gone painting-
the decor and air is baiting.
It’s not real I know that’s true
so aware of what is real
all the colors, all the fun
my mind is running
my sanity gone.

Wake me when I’m not dreaming

Wetter and wetter
between the thighs
growing impulse
something isn’t right
got another dripping
down the side
this is just another
nine to five
wetter, ever wetter
my oh my
I’m about to eat candy
midnight delight

If I notice

If I am here-
if I am here at all
why does it feel
as though my body
my body is this small
I only seem
to feel my flesh
when I try but even then
it disappears time and again
I cannot believe
or even begin to see
how I exist outside of nothing
if I am here
it’s lucky that I notice.

merry-go-round

Round and round and round we go
the music traps,the mirrors show
the faces beyond that grace bestowed
the truth behind the mask you bemoan
everything you ought to be
everything your purpose bleeds
round and round and round you’ll see
everything that’s meant to be
everything that’s out of reach
the music traps, the mirrors show
the nightmare kept-you’ve no control
Merry-go-round and round and round
it never stops
you can’t come down.

The dissociated brain

Have you ever felt
inside out?
Backwards and forth
like someone else.
Ever looked at him
and thought that is me
felt the utter horror
of not existing
replace all your thoughts
with what his could be?
Just have to shake it off
no point in listening
it’s just your fucking mind
not reality
but this won’t move aside
no it’s meant to be
can’t hold this in sight
I’ve let go of me.
All these symptoms collide
and his face takes over me
he’s just handing me my change
but I’ve become a he
if I don’t break this hold
I might end up in ward b-reality
it chokes on my brains news feed.
I cannot keep up with these
thoughts you see
reality is not something meant to be
it’s quite tiresome you see
I can go a long way just to breathe
but the scenery becomes a bit of paint
and every interaction is unsafe
I may walk away fighting your face
thoughts of living your life in your place-
my reality in space, no memories or piece
of who I might be.
Have you ever lived your life this way?
I have to be aware to stop the pain
exhausted though I am
I will remain.

tagged

I am ceramic
fragile and tragic
frozen in place
where you led me.
Statue of stone
bathed in this gold
I have no soul
can you save me?
I am ceramic
precious, fragile,
and sold.

Froth

Can you tell me how
how to steal this sound
take the voice so loud
and drown it out, out, out-
break the waves that cull the demons
sing the pleasure as you mean it
never wander far from home
unless you know not where you go
footsteps buried under snow
blackened feet and bloodied soul
know not where you ought to roam
foam at the mouth
know no moan
can you tell me how it’s done
or sell me back what I have won?