Burning roses

I’m burning roses now
and I ain’t coming down
got no dollar bills
but I’m floating proud
people be looking at me
like I’m so damn lost
but these dreams are happening
no matter the cost
I got my own pen in my hand now
and a voice that I’m using
gonna make my own way
and I’m never pursuing
the past that undid me
when I was living my life
everybody was saying
I was doing it right
had everything wrapped up
in a nice little bow
all my fucking chaos
yeah that shit explode
I can’t do nine to five now
my degree don’t mean nothing
I’m living the life now
that makes me feel something
I’m burning the garden
and feeling so good
you thought that you controlled me
I think you misunderstood
you never did see me
but you took all I had
left me with bad credit
and no fucking cash
had a nervous breakdown
but now I’m not even sad
I’m writing the next chapter
I’m changing the story
you took all I had even the glory
so now I’m crawling upwards
from this dirty floor
everybody might be talking mess
but I’m aiming to soar

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Like a bad memory

Let me tell you
I know I’m not perfect
I’ve been down right ruthless
I’ve made scars I can’t undo
I’ve made you feel like you do
I know I’m not that great
I’ve been like Judas mate
I’ve been down right irate
and scared the likes of you
I’ve been troubled that’s the truth
I’ve got to live with what I used
like a junkie I’ve made mistakes
looking for something not on my plate
I’ve been hungry and I got fed
now you mad and my face is red
let me tell you I understand
you got feelings I ain’t mad
because you do you please and thanks
keep all the feels that you hate
because I made mistakes
my choices made you irate
and now I’m like Judas man
betrayed you oh so bad
and you got feels right now
it’s not your fault I did it all
it’s not your fault I caused the fall
let me just say you’re right
you feel what you feel inside
it doesn’t make it better
but this is what I have done
I’ve been so not that fun
I made you cry and hurt
I made you hunger and thirst
yeah I’m still trying to change
but you’re feelings in their place
I won’t tell you you’re wrong
this is not my swan song
I just keep swimming in
the truth of how I lived
I own most everything
the bad the good and the ugly
you do what’s right for you
if it hurts me that’s my truth
but in the end it’s all alright
if I did you dirty it’s you that’s right
let me tell you just one thing
I know just who I be
it ain’t always so pretty
I’ve been a very bad girl
and if I could change it I would
but we can’t go back and I can’t erase
so feel what you feel it’s all in place
because I know just who I am
where I’ve been and the damage at hand
cut me off and feel no shame
if I hurt you at the end of the day
I know I’m Judas man
been doing the best I can
it’s not enough and I’m so sorry
so do what you feel and don’t think of me
let me tell you all I’ve seen
my past is since no victory
so feel what you feel
I won’t try to say
it’s wrong if you’re hurt man it’s really okay
throw me out like a bad memory
I know what I did my choices I bleed

Fleeting

The comfort in the choice I have
the comfort that disgust
if I want to not exist all I do is thrust
press a little deeper or simply drink too much
a passive suicide or aggressive thank you done
the comfort that I find in this
is the choice is mine
I don’t have to think about the sorrows or goodbye
I can just take one breath admit I’m out of time
forget the rest and dump the gift
it’s all a matter of mine
so I admit I mustn’t trip I merely serpentine
the thought it comes and then it goes
running through my mind
to know I have the final say
the decision always mine
a lick of control and wouldn’t you know
I’m living still kept breathing
in a world of chains at least I know I’m fleeting

Survival instinct

I don’t want to mention
the evil in intentions
when you giving you yourself to play
who sold you a false sense of dignity
a monster who has yet ever had to pay
for crimes they commit and admit today
for a piece of every person
only wants to excuse
every single bad behavior
that resulted in abuse
for drugging and then robbing
men who you lied to
so you asked them if they wanted it
took it like survival
but you ain’t no Mike Tyson
you just living without trial
admit it like Polanski
and act like its okay
don’t matter what your reasons
your intent was to drug’em and get paid.

The golden green

Everybody wants it
so they got them flaunting
making all them promises
and avoiding all the consequences
everybody wants it
they alone and they don’t got it
so they drink it down like water
sleep it off this time is vital
when you want it and don’t got it
got to get it when you don’t
everybody saying
that themselves that they can float
half way down the river
we wish until we choke
everybody wants it
but don’t know what it is

Drank too much

Take the glass
throw the house
drink your home
before you drown
everything is going down
everything is burning now
drop the beat and bleed the blood
take the veins wear the mud
take the oil from the heart
the drink you suffer now departs
everything within that glass
you drank too much and then
you cried
delude the drink with turpentine

Like riding a bike

Learning how to eat again
learning how to walk
remember all the times you got
lost inside that talk
when everything feels so secure
like you got it on lock
but now you’re learning how to eat
like it’s something you forgot
everything comes at a head
and now it’s all been lost
learning how to eat again
like learning how to walk

Exhaustion

Everything is to damn hard
nothing makes sense
it’s just too much
I don’t want to be so caught up
I don’t want to be so confused
frustrated because I don’t understand
living in this world is just so bad
breathing would be a chore if I
I confronted this choice of mine
everything is just so hard
can’t make it the struggle is wrong
everything is living life
I’m too tired man I’m too high
can’t function it’s just not right
I let myself go and that’s just fine
is it living if I’m not alive?

Just forget about it

Forget the rainy days
and walking through the park
every corners dangerous
every street is dark
the world is overflowing
with evil in strange amounts
we’ve never had these problems
humanity already figured out
how to light the darkness
and do away with crime
pedophiles didn’t exist
until the changing of time
we’d all like to forget
that evils all around
that humans make bad choices
we aren’t very special
are we now?

Dirty laundry

Surviving R. Kelly
it’s simple really
we need to stop fearing
and be somebody
stop all the excuses
it took far too long
you see abuse but then
still listen to the song
surviving R. Kelly
a tale we all knew
everybody saw it
but what could they do
when fear fills your heart
heroes die hard
no saviors here
just look away
when you stay silent
it’s them who will pay
surviving R Kelly
what does it mean
when we ignore the truth
how do we get clean?