Tomorrows

Drinking
stuck again
can’t quite remember when
I let it go and then
took another shot for him
drinking all that smoke right down
drowning sorrows can’t live without
stuck again I’m drunk too soon
can’t get out this afternoon
I’m sick with tears
and tired of sorrows
drinking stuck with bitter tomorrows

What’s happened

What’s happened?
I fell asleep
then I woke up
and everything has changed
I fell asleep
and now the world looks rather deranged
what’s happened?
everyone is talking
everyone has laughed
but nothing has been funny
and now I need to ask
wonder what’s been happening
since I took that nap
I fell asleep
and woke up to a world that’s rather lame
not so much in the slang sense
rather lame within the brain
I fell asleep then woke up
wished it was all a bad dream
everything has changed
but I’ll pretend it’s just all me

I said, you said

You said you couldn’t
I said you shouldn’t
then you did
got caught up
torn apart
and left for dead
said you lost your head
said you need to go to bed
I said you shouldn’t
told you I wouldn’t recommend
you said you couldn’t
then you did it once again
and I said baby
you should’ve learned this lesson well
and now it’s over
sending you straight back to hell
you said you shouldn’t
I shot you right back down to earth
I said you shouldn’t
but you never really learned
and now it’s over
you shouldn’t be surprised
that it still hurts

If I could be

If I could be anyone
who would I be
would I want a new life
so different from me
forget who I am
how I’ve survived
get buried in cash
forget how to act
laugh at the same jokes
cry at the same notes
everything’s brilliant
when you for free
if I could be anyone
who would I be
choose a new body
delicately a new face
do I choose a different
more interesting race?
Should I be a hero or a villainous cad?
should I be a good girl or categorically bad?
If I can’t decide who to be in my life
I don’t know who I’d be
if it was mine too decide
would I have money and sacrifice my life
knowing what I know about the middle of the night
would I have nothing more than I want
a good paying job no debt to pay off
should dreams be simple or unattainably grand
am I a victim of my fantasy plans?

Began

I find myself slipping once again
down to the darkness where this began
alone in this world all by myself
watching the living as they watch the dead
the shadows in light all in their heads
I find myself slipping back into life
thinking of nothing but drinking of strife
I have been here and never again
back to the darkness where this all began

Foolish little girl

The girls they used to sing
about the ones who fell
fell down into the dreams
of the lives they never had
the boys they should have kissed
the ones they wish they didn’t
called them marionettes
always light but oh so critical
of regret and so relatable
the girls they used to sing
foolish little girls
doing such predictable things

So many wrongs don’t right

I’ve been wrong so many times before
blocked myself from going out the door
kept on thinking till my thoughts hurt
lost in the concrete can’t touch earth
drunk off the sediment
drunk off the waste
losing yourself in the display case
like a trophy of iron breaking the shelf
I’ve been caught up been lost to the self
drunk off the ground I find myself in
the coolness of gravel baked into skin
the feeling is breathless
It’s often not good
too drunk off of weakness
too often misunderstood

Wrong and dirty

I did you wrong and dirty
played the victim very well
abused the aftermath
and made your world a living hell
but it was all to serve a purpose
selfish as it was
I needed to feel something
living life was just no fun
so I created drama
let myself go quite insane
I remember screaming
that you’d rue the day
you took your love away
left me with a broken heart
and all those other lies
as the truth of all this bullshit
is I was doing just fine
I did you wrong and dirty
played the part so naturally
it was all to serve a purpose
to selfishly let free
all the kept up emotions
regarding the life you’d never see

The way

This isn’t what I wanted
always said that wouldn’t be me
learned that life is funny
and it doesn’t care what you think
you don’t get to choose when you mess up
you don’t get to wash it away
no you have to live with what you’ve done here
you have to live with what you did
even when you were to young
even when you’re too old
you have to live up to memory
you have to reap what you sow
you can’t just keep what you want to believe
pretend that the truth is your own
always said that wouldn’t be me
learned the hard way it’s who I am
can’t take back what I’ve done in life
can’t pretend it’s not bad
all I know is I’m where I am at
where I’d like to go
maybe if I’m wise enough
I just might see the way