Changeable

Pay me darling
for the pain you caused
changed the action
but earned that applause
pay me honey
I got bills need cake
gotta eat my fill
gotta get paid
give me that money
for the abuse that I claim
I got wants
I got needs
I got a very changeable
memory

Begging me

Begging me to stop now
bringing me to tears
I drink the words I like best
I drown myself in mirrors
reflection of what might have been
a better story to tell
I can give you exciting dreams
but I don’t think I should
begging me to stop now
yelling at myself
want to stop the lying
stop dreaming of the sound
the words they get me drunk off
everything I’ve said
I can make them believe
anything I want
bringing me to tears
bringing me too much
begging me to stop now
I drown myself in mirrors
I drink way too many words
I can tell you stories
change the entire world

If I knew

If I knew then what I know now
I’d try to do it all the same
get to where I am today
live with all the sorrow and pain
too wake up knowing it’s still okay
if I knew then what I know now
I’d tell myself not to change a thing
though a temptation it might be
stay the girl you always hated
just so one day you can face it
turn around and look in the mirror
see your face and be glad to be her

Down deep

Stop
don’t think
don’t speak
just keep it silent
keep your lips shut
don’t think about it
it won’t be enough
the blue bells whistle
and then they stop
don’t know how to get it off
like a cold rain on hot day
on the sidewalk
stop and think change
don’t forget to breathe
but don’t ever speak
keep those lips shut
keep the thoughts
down deep

The garden

Burn it, burn it right now
make it ashes
salt the ground
nothing can grow here
not without say
I hold the key here
I won’t be swayed
burn it all down
and salt the ashes
nothing will grow here
I am the master
of this garden of weeds
and dead flowers
these withered old things
I keep them forever
burn it, burn it right now
make sure you salt the ground
keep the ashes
don’t forget
nothing will grow here
this moment in time
nothing will change here
the garden is mine

The same

Didn’t know how the fire started
but I watched it all the same
watched the house burn down
and my former life fade away
everything now up in flames
I watched it all disappear
back to where it never was
the fire made that clear
and as it burned
and I watched
everything remained
the world that is
the world that was
the flame left it all the same

The woman in the mirror

Everyday I see it clearer
the woman in the mirror
I’m starting to recognize
that I’ve always been her
that I’ve not changed
only grown and made
made a better me
a realer version so to speak
everyday it’s getting clearer
I really want to be her
even with all the past mistakes
the woman in the mirror
I see her face like a picture
it once was blurry now I’m seeing
starting to actually believe it’s me

The script

Do you see what I see?
Can you read the script?
Do you know what’s coming up
when you’re done with it
or do you just keep living life
repeating what you did-
is it all that matters
or nothing quite at all?
Can I still be in it
when it’s said and done
or have I been rewritten-
another story gone?
Do you see what I see?
Or is it all made up?
Do I live my life here
or did I hit the hard restart.

Holding the sun

Falling rather deeply
the feeling often sweetly
takes you by the knees
and breaks your heart
the world of our together
falls apart,
whether winter or in summer
blooming always hungers
for the versions of the sword
within your side,
feeling rather deeply
the mirror left so sweetly
reflecting the world still keeping
melodies and rhymes
upon the tongue
a world before the heavens
came undone
a moment before the spring
had held the sun.

Day by day

I’m not getting better
I just keep getting worse
here I am just tethered
to another verse
a song to sing so sweetly
that never goes away
it’s burrowed under skin
infected all my brain
I can’t keep from drowning
in the open air
I can’t keep from dying
I’m pulling out my hair
as everybody watches
enjoys the slow decay
I’m not getting better
just living day by day