The slow break

I’m sick and twisted
over moderately disturbed
but when you miss it
you’ll just make it worse
don’t dismiss it
just sit and listen
if you can’t hear me
then just get lost
because every single second
is a second cost
and every single moment
I remember it all
mind will play its tricks you see
I will remember everything
but nothing is what it seems
no, I can see what’s happening
I am sick
my mind is twisted
part of why
I can’t feel this love
it is gone as I am ill
one day soon I’ll know
how loss feels

Continue

I just wanna escape
don’t want to think too much
just wanna play all day
forget the junk I have to do
just want to get myself through
don’t know the truth
drive through the night
all in my mind
thinking too damn high
I’m just stuck
just wanna escape
I’m too tired to
I just want to get through
want it all to be done
so I can continue

Almost free

I don’t want to hear it
not like this again
I don’t want to speak the words
screaming loudly in my head
I don’t want to be like this
forever and a day
to cry myself to sleep
while drowning in the rain
I don’t want to hear it
not like this right now
I just want to let go
accept this living hell
know that in the end
I made choices just for me
all of them quite bad
but I made them almost free

Off the floor

I don’t feel good
no not today
well again
like yesterday
maybe better
probably worse
I don’t feel good
no not today
I guess it’s just like
any other day
I don’t feel good
don’t want to eat
I just keep thinking
I should go to sleep
used to be able
to get out of bed
but today I don’t feel good
like I’ve already said
just like yesterday
and maybe before
I just don’t feel good
anywhere off the floor

Day by day

I’m not getting better
I just keep getting worse
here I am just tethered
to another verse
a song to sing so sweetly
that never goes away
it’s burrowed under skin
infected all my brain
I can’t keep from drowning
in the open air
I can’t keep from dying
I’m pulling out my hair
as everybody watches
enjoys the slow decay
I’m not getting better
just living day by day

Future desires

I find myself still wanting
still fearing in the night
so scared of what tomorrow brings
drunken off this fright
my soul feels everlasting
though I might die tonight
I find myself always wanting
always dreaming of this plight
the fight for immortality
for living past my death
to know what will become of me
when I finally lay to rest

Dry floor

Trying not to breathe
be anything but me
break down
and break some more
keep writhing on the floor
fall down don’t try again
keep bathing in dead skin
keep drinking from that well
keep drowning in the sun
baked by light and air so fun
trying not to breathe
lungs try desperately
be anything but me
dead if it has to be
break down and then again
writhing in this sin
drinking all that’s come before
drowning on dry floor

Dread

I dread the moment you come back again
try to get back in my head
where you can chain me to your ways
make me you in this flesh I tamed
I dread the day I must fight for me
to remain a solitary identity
where I control just how I breathe
keep you out of this flesh of me
I dread the day you knock on my door
that I may flee into the floor
pretend I have never once existed
but then I think it’s the fear I’ll miss it
miss my chance to destroy my keeper
keep you out of my head forever
you can’t chain me when you’re dead
you can no longer live in my head
I dread the day we say goodbye
that I might feel more sadness inside
even though I know it’s better
I fear I’ll mourn you now and forever

Bleed for

Drawing lines on floor boards
wiping out the old score
tears we drink them down more
before we go insane
before we drown in rain
the sorrow in our veins
we drink away the pain
drawing lines on floor boards
the panels show no scores
it’s all about the new floors
tears we drink them down more
and tell ourselves what we bleed for

Fight

Fight, fight back against the night
shutting eyes and thinking lies
somehow save the plight
don’t believe, don’t just run away
and cry
don’t drop to knees
unless your praying for the truth
fight, fight against the darkness
as it keeps you in the youth
the fear of growing older
from your parents now to you
fight against the thoughts
that nothing will get better
if you take up arms
we can end the terror
if every night you hide
cry yourself to sleep
another fight you lost
the dreams you cannot seek
fight, fight against the night
fight against the lies
fight for the real truth
hidden in disguise
fight, fight, fight and stay alive
listen to the truth not
just the feelings from inside
listen to the past and be mindful
of the truth
remember we aren’t special
the circle always moves