Future desires

I find myself still wanting
still fearing in the night
so scared of what tomorrow brings
drunken off this fright
my soul feels everlasting
though I might die tonight
I find myself always wanting
always dreaming of this plight
the fight for immortality
for living past my death
to know what will become of me
when I finally lay to rest

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Dry floor

Trying not to breathe
be anything but me
break down
and break some more
keep writhing on the floor
fall down don’t try again
keep bathing in dead skin
keep drinking from that well
keep drowning in the sun
baked by light and air so fun
trying not to breathe
lungs try desperately
be anything but me
dead if it has to be
break down and then again
writhing in this sin
drinking all that’s come before
drowning on dry floor

Dread

I dread the moment you come back again
try to get back in my head
where you can chain me to your ways
make me you in this flesh I tamed
I dread the day I must fight for me
to remain a solitary identity
where I control just how I breathe
keep you out of this flesh of me
I dread the day you knock on my door
that I may flee into the floor
pretend I have never once existed
but then I think it’s the fear I’ll miss it
miss my chance to destroy my keeper
keep you out of my head forever
you can’t chain me when you’re dead
you can no longer live in my head
I dread the day we say goodbye
that I might feel more sadness inside
even though I know it’s better
I fear I’ll mourn you now and forever

Bleed for

Drawing lines on floor boards
wiping out the old score
tears we drink them down more
before we go insane
before we drown in rain
the sorrow in our veins
we drink away the pain
drawing lines on floor boards
the panels show no scores
it’s all about the new floors
tears we drink them down more
and tell ourselves what we bleed for

Fight

Fight, fight back against the night
shutting eyes and thinking lies
somehow save the plight
don’t believe, don’t just run away
and cry
don’t drop to knees
unless your praying for the truth
fight, fight against the darkness
as it keeps you in the youth
the fear of growing older
from your parents now to you
fight against the thoughts
that nothing will get better
if you take up arms
we can end the terror
if every night you hide
cry yourself to sleep
another fight you lost
the dreams you cannot seek
fight, fight against the night
fight against the lies
fight for the real truth
hidden in disguise
fight, fight, fight and stay alive
listen to the truth not
just the feelings from inside
listen to the past and be mindful
of the truth
remember we aren’t special
the circle always moves

Burning roses

I’m burning roses now
and I ain’t coming down
got no dollar bills
but I’m floating proud
people be looking at me
like I’m so damn lost
but these dreams are happening
no matter the cost
I got my own pen in my hand now
and a voice that I’m using
gonna make my own way
and I’m never pursuing
the past that undid me
when I was living my life
everybody was saying
I was doing it right
had everything wrapped up
in a nice little bow
all my fucking chaos
yeah that shit explode
I can’t do nine to five now
my degree don’t mean nothing
I’m living the life now
that makes me feel something
I’m burning the garden
and feeling so good
you thought that you controlled me
I think you misunderstood
you never did see me
but you took all I had
left me with bad credit
and no fucking cash
had a nervous breakdown
but now I’m not even sad
I’m writing the next chapter
I’m changing the story
you took all I had even the glory
so now I’m crawling upwards
from this dirty floor
everybody might be talking mess
but I’m aiming to soar

I have some

I have some doubts
well maybe a lot
more than a few
these doubts that I’ve got
I cannot believe
very much in myself
I’ve lived in this flesh
I know what it’s about
I have my doubts
that I can maintain
some days I feel
like starting again
I have some doubts
most of them of self
tearing myself rightfully down
I’ve got some problems
I think I may
over think thinking
and minor decay
I find myself doubting my odds
finding myself
most personally scarred
living with doubts it’s rather hard
but I keep on going
keep running this life
I’m finding myself
doubting my right

How it goes

Got about a million worries
but I just don’t think
can’t let my mind dwell on the future
or my eyes might weep
crying gets you close to nowhere
never too the goal
so even with a million worries
I know I must let go
the blindest faith is hard enough
without a thought to spare
I got too much
too much trouble to even care
so I don’t think of the future going
where it’ll end up or how it goes
I just move knowing I’ll end up somewhere
and my worries may always grow
because if it’s not one thing it’s another
or another that’s how it goes

The bell

Sound the bell
I’m off to hell
a brand new adventure
for me to sell
a life less lived
though in my head
the dreams often come
though remain quite dead
sound the bell
all the chimes
keep the words off all the rhymes
cherish that which is not mine
the children scream
as we continue
move through fire
the hell you’ve been to
drop the drink and all facade
sound the bell
and do no harm