Medicated kind of girl

suicidalsupergirl

And here I thought it was over

hard time in a basket

kept locked up and emphatic

like a bull in a china shop

they are waiting to let me have it.

Oh they put me in this little box

they are telling me it wont ever stop

medicate my brain again

and I wont fuse with deeper sin.

They put me right where I belong

and watch the fun as I come undone.

Prescribe some more fucking medicine

to brace this crazy bitch within.

And here I thought they made it better

healthier with all this labor

cluttered boxes of prescription drugs

they fit me like a silken glove.

Oh they trapped me in a womb

told me they’d let me out soon

took away my ovaries

and told me I should never breed.

And here I thought I was back

they locked me up and shocked me bad

View original post 43 more words

The Children of Pandora Chronicles

*** This is my third attempt at telling this story not totally sure if I like this or not yet….

 

Chapter 00

She sits there staring at her coffee, more like mud, the waitress warned her it’d be like that but she didn’t want to wait for another pot to be brewed. “I’ll be drinking more then this, I just need something now.” she smiled weakly thin lips cracking as she speaks. The tall blonde beauty couldn’t smile, wouldn’t, at least that’s what it looks like from the moment she walked in she looked about ready to collapse. The waitress brought her the cup without another word, looking into those eyes, maybe she saw how desperately she needed it needed something. Maybe she saw another junkie prostitute who’d tip her in pennies and leave a greasy bill behind her. Who knows.
Staring, meditating in the mud, the girl barely breathes. She looks like she’s been through war, the kind of war where you look the enemy in the eye before you take their life, the kind of war a video game can’t quiet capture. Her grey eyes are dull filled with lifeless tears and held up by dark bags as if she hadn’t slept in years, maybe the waitress is right, maybe she’s a junkie. Her hair is long and stringy pulled back tight but unkept, untouched for days. Skin dry and pale like old porcelain the kind that gets forgotten, lost in the attic with all the other trash. The kind of thin a model would envy still perfect even though she wants it to decay, oh her perfection even through the dust is apparent. She is Venus, if only she was. No, this girl, this beautiful broken girl she belongs to another deity and as she sits staring into her cooling mug they are coming for her.
A guy comes over to her all smiles and concern, he isn’t thinking of fucking her, but something is telling him he has to know her. Save her. That irresistible pull or push that drives us to places we never knew we wanted to go had a tight grip on him and as he makes his way to her stumbling into her booth he knows he would rather die then miss out on this opportunity. “Hey there! I saw that-that you were alone and figured so am I! Heh… and thought maybe you’d want some company.” against his will the friendly little smile he attempts turns into a show of teeth and gum. She looks up making no attempt to answer him just watching his eyes as they tremble ever so slightly “Uh… my names Conner, what about you?” he isn’t done yet not by a long shot but his body is screaming humiliation desperately wanting to be away from this wondrous woman before he is no longer a man.
“I don’t have a lot of time, its 50 bucks, maybe less if you’re quick.” her lips barely move her eyes drifting to the side. He’s dumbfounded, and she of course is serious. 50 for a fuck, less if he’s quick.
“Woah… wait… what? Woah no no no no!” he stands arms in the air looking around as if it was a bust “I-I-I just really only wanted to just talk. TAAAALK. That’s it.” Conner laughs nervously thinking about just walking away but ends up back in the booth without really knowing why. That pulls a bitch.
“I’m not holding, I got nothing, if your trying to push I’m not interested. “ she says mindlessly having had this conversation before, thinking him just another one in a million. She really could have used that 50, damn it.
“Holding? Holding wh-oh No. No. No. No, really I wanted to talk to you. Just Talk.” he is really out of his element here. No clue who or what this girl is. His heart telling him to talk, his mind to run, his cock to pull out 50 and take her to the bathroom, choices, choices, choices.
“Talk?” New concepts are always a tad confusing “Why?” her eyes narrow like a hawk and she prepares for the worse. Who the fuck just talks anymore, anyway?
“Yeah, like have a conversation?” he laughs this time for real, a nice hearty laugh, would warm a normal person.
“Why?”
“You looked like someone I should know.” smiling he continues hoping his next words wont be his last “and I-I figured we were both alone at… um 2 am in a crappy diner… why the hell not?” talking with his hands in hopes of gaining her favor, for reasons unknown.
“What if I came here to be alone.” she speaks the truth. No one could want solitude more then this girl.
“What if I did too?”
“Then you should be alone. Where you were. Over there.”
Conner smiles. Success. “You noticed me” eye brows rise with his grin “Now that’s something there. Noticing the poor sap all alone at the other end of the diner. I think its fate.”
“Fate? What would you know about fate?” she sneers she knows too much.
“What don’t I know? That’s the question really, but first answer mine. What’s your name?”
“Satine.”
“Conner, nice to meet you Satine. So what are you running from?” Oh this guy is hitting a nerve now.
“Running from?” she breathes she’s wondering how blind she’s really become.
“Well yeah, you’re at a diner in the middle of no where at…” looking at his watch “ 2:34. There’s either something you’re trying to get away from or you’ve got killer munchies. Which is it, Satine?’ he smirks as her eyes cloud she’s been waiting for this moment and she didn’t even know.
“Running I guess… no munchies… not tonight anyway.” she attempts a joke but fails to even make herself laugh. Her mouth dries with the very desire of speech, she’s thirsty desperately thirsty for words, and the Gods have blessed her with a chance. Perhaps? Maybe not. Maybe, they are laughing at her, spiting her for her allegiance. Or maybe, maybe its just a coincidence. Who cares, right?
His eyes are soft and he’s ready to hear anything “Running from what?” looking at this magnificent woman all he knows, all he can think, is that he wants to be here to help her. Just from looking at her anyone can tell she needs help.
Shifting uncomfortable the words begin to struggle in her throat she isn’t willing to speak no she’s trying to keep her mouth shut but they are clawing their way out “I guess… you can say I’m running from family.” the moment the words leave her lips she knows she’s already lost it. “I’m not running very well though, you see, and I’ve given up on the whole thing.”
“I know what you mean, the running thing I guess… and the family thing to some small extent maybe.” he’s thinking of his own problems but they were fading this isn’t about him and sometimes when you least expect to forget yourself you do. The mind is funny like that.
“You’ve no clue. Not one.”
It stings him makes his heart throb, how could she know? But he moves on he wants to know “So give me one, or all of them…” shrugging he adds “We’ve got nothing better to do, right?” laughing loudly and unexpectedly shocking the other patrons not to mention Satine.
She’s shaking her head trying to keep it in but the beast is laughing now. The power within her begins to simmer bones deep she’d been avoiding her Mother for too long and the beast wanted out even if it was just words. And maybe she finally sees it, this is the way its meant to be, this is how she finally checks out of the game. No more cat and mouse. The mouse gives up and this is the white flag moment she’s been waiting for. “Let them come then.” she whispers to herself looking up at the fragile Conner who sits naked before her. She could do anything to him if she wanted, but all she is going to do is talk.
“Hm?”
“Never mind that. You want a clue? You want it all?”
He’s scared now something is different with her, darker, threatening, she isn’t helpless. Never was. Swallowing hard he manages a “yes.”
“Its going to be a long night” the waitress comes to the table “more coffee and some onion rings.” She’s not even looking at her, her attention is completely focused on Conner but the waitress smiles grimly thinking this is his payment for the sullen little prostitute. “What would you give to stop running?”
“Anything I guess…” he mumbles scared at what’s to come but transfixed nonetheless.
“Heh… exactly what you end up giving. Everything.” the waitress comes back fills up their mugs and drops off fresh cream and sugar packets Satine smiles this time brightly lighting up the dark dank diner. The woman stumbles away taken aback by what she sees. “When I was younger, real young like two or three I was taken from my parents. Crack addicts they use to leave me in my crib soiled and starving, least to say it was the ideal childhood home. So child welfare came into the mix and I got taken. But it wasn‘t really much better, maybe I was fed more frequently, maybe the house wasn‘t filled with flies, maggots and the like but the crack house seems safer to me now.” anger’s rising in her veins making her blood boil with unquenchable rage.
“I’m-m sor-” Conner begins but she interrupts.
“You want a story, right? Don’t interrupt then. You’ve nothing to be sorry for. If I’m too blunt I can sugar coat for you.” her tongue is growing sharper and it’s the beast, but that’s not in her control she just wants all of it out.
“No I’m sorry I’ll listen and be as blunt as possible.” Afraid as he is he wont be pushed away he wants to be there, right there. He wants to sit forever and listen to her beautiful voice, but moreover he wants her words, needs them.
“Alright then. Well my parents might have been forgetful druggies neglectful of my necessary life needs, but they never as far as I was told tried to fuck me. Some of the houses looked like the Brady’s but most even the Brady homes were hell. As you might be able to imagine going from one hell to another all I ever wanted was a real family. The kind of family you see on T.V. Around twelve right around the time I started puberty as it always is I started having dreams about a family, a beautiful Mother, her sweet voice and promise after promise. She would take the pain away. Make me beautiful, strong, powerful so that no one could ever harm me again. She’d make me perfect just like her. I’d never go hungry, be afraid, be lonely again. While I was dreaming these wonderful things I was safe, when I’d wake up I was in hell. So I started cutting, and drinking, smoking. Anything to dull the pain. Did that for four years I met Hector around then. He was a dream during the day. He’d get me high, he taught me to fight, to steal, to lie. When I was with him I wasn’t a weak little girl, a victim. When we ended up in houses together, which happened to often to be normal, no one would touch me. She said she sent him that I only had to wait a bit longer then all would be okay. I fell in love with the voice in my dreams, like I think a child falls in love with a parent, and I fell in love with Hector. I was sixteen when he revealed his dreams, the same dreams. It was fate. Fate’s a bitch of player. You never see her game until its done I guess.” Her eyes are overflowing now the beast quelled for a moment with the memory of love, love for someone other then Her, love that was not planned. Satine is right Fate is a terrible mistress, a slut really her scent is on the worlds fingers and no one knows it but her. “I was running to anything that made me feel in the least. I was a piece of flesh being passed around until they came. Conner, what would you give for beauty, power and wealth? For a family and everything you’ve ever wanted? What would you give for the perfect life?” crying she sips her coffee and smiles.

What would you give?

Fools and Wise men (excerpt chapter 1)

*** See I said I would do this! The rest will be posted under The Blood Legacy once editing is complete. Thanks for reading!

 

Chapter 1: Reality

I recall sitting, cold, frozen in my caretakers home. She was an old woman; gray hair, plastic complexion, honey glazed eyes. She almost looked like a clay statue melting under the heavy rain. Pictures on the wall told a much different story, she was once quite beautiful, stunning even. As she paced before me, she examined every inch of flesh scanning me like a blind mans finger tips, groping me inch by inch she was no beauty queen. Her gaze entering my bones drinking the marrow. Within her vacant eyes she molested my soul leaving me empty. This ordeal seemed to last forever, a moment would pass which set me free, then with one shift of comfort I was once again imprisoned by her vile stare. Devoured.

In the midst of my ingestion her voice shot through the silence, through me like a burning needle to the eye. “You will be attending an academy. I can no longer keep you in my home. Go pack your things you leave tonight.” before I could stand she was gone, leaving to linger the threat of something much worse. The dark hold she had over me remained with much vigor and I let myself be drowned in it as I thought about the possibilities. Her voice had been smooth and cold as though she was singing, it always was, but there was no fire, no passion that allowed one to hear the music. There was a void within her song that left one empty and held in their position she drained the soul of its hope.

Standing suddenly while all around me things objected without the ability to move, they simply glared down upon me. The air was heavy in that house sluggish; things always seemed to follow me. Everything I did seemed to be recorded in the slow memory of those walls. To say the least I was glad to be leaving.

With nothing much to call my own I fit everything in one suit case and adorned myself with the only luxury I possessed, a silver locket that I coveted with grand enthusiasm. For my caretaker objected to those of my age and class to have any so called luxuries such as this. As a lady she had many, and though indeed she was considered a lady the term was applied only by those outside this house, to me, who knew her all to well, thought her common, her soul’s purpose was to grieve. Now at this moment I feel love for her, truths abound by her, and I wish then I could have seen her for all she was. But that is now, then, then I felt only her stagnation. Nothing could be done.

That night she loaded me into a car with a small bag that I was not to open until I reached the school; she did not part-take in goodbyes and left soon after handing me off to the driver. The car ride was silent leaving me to think about the time it would take to reach the Academy. I was happy to say the least, ecstatic to say the rest. Free from the cold, slow moving house, from the frozen voice of my caretaker the suffocating smog was lifting. The drive was smooth and my nerves calm with the taste of freedom.

Don’t forget me the words slipped by a whisper in my empty head shocking me from my calm with a start. Nevertheless, for the life of me I couldn’t place it -it had to be the driver- I knew it was the driver, it had to be didn‘t it? There was no other in the car except him and I, it was him. Even so I made no question of the shrill words, I remained silent. As the words repeated their ghostly melody I kept my lips tight, it had been the driver I told myself over and over again, fixated my gaze out the window until we reached the train station. There I ended my silence only to say my goodbyes.

The station like the house was filled with suffocating smog, an omen of things to come? As I entered the platform noise overtook me, there was too much going on and for a moment I thought for no reason at all that I had missed my train. A slight panic grabbed me then, it held me frozen, the chains of my captivity returning with brute force. Would I be sent back? My hand began to tremble as I felt someone approach me from behind, “you would need to be on that train, yes?” a man asked, as he placed his soothing hand upon my shoulder. The thoughts had come far too fast, only emphasizing my distress I stared dumb and mute.

He was a young man awkward looking, but handsome. It appeared as though he had just recently hit a growth spurt towering aimlessly over me like a limp tree with soft eyes and a nervous lip. I managed a simple yes and the man nodded taking me by the shoulder, leading me to the train. I felt like a child, he gave me no say in where I was going, but took me passed all compartments until we reached one at a safe distant from open doors “You get the only empty one left in this cart.” he smiled as if he knew all along who I was and where I wanted to be. When the compartment doors closed behind him I went suddenly numb, panic or something stripping me of will. For the first time in all my life the suffocating air was gone, but I couldn’t breathe. It was a strange feeling to know I had my freedom; I was left alone with myself. I held onto the edge of my seat as if anchoring myself to the train, I was breathing heavily trying desperately to drink the air. Frozen in place, a statue of distress, and there was nothing to comfort nor sooth the rigid body. All I did was futile, forced to fail from the beginning.

By the time I was able to move the day had risen I’d missed breakfast and was forced to rummage through the small amount of food I had stolen from the house. I remember with pleasure taking out a little red bag of chocolates, the kind she kept hidden from me, but that I saw her eat from afar. They came in velvet bags which held a dozen or so foiled coins and smelled sweet and inviting through it. I had taken three bags to spite the years she had tortured me with them. I picked one chocolate from the first bag, it was dressed in maroon foil and decorated delicately with leafs, I salivated as I placed the first bite on my tongue. I was overwhelmed by the powerful satisfaction I got from the tiny coin of milk chocolate. I would come to remember this moment throughout my days at school as the moment I first felt something, anything at all. My sense of taste was overwhelmed and I recalled all the meals I had prior to this, tasteless things. My body trembled as I ate and the world became just a bit more colorful.

When all was done and my hunger filled I laid back and watched the world from the window, everything seemed new, even the air tasted different as I breathed. I had no explanation for what was going on, for how I felt, or why but I enjoyed each second. Then without warning two girls came knocking at the door each was in the uniform to the school I was headed, eyes searching with anticipation and glee. I waved them into the compartment trying to etch a smile unsure if one already had its place on my lips. I didn’t feel like talking, but they took the freedom of choice away. I was glad to have some of my new freedom invaded upon it was far too much for me.

here’s how its going to work!

This blog will be filling up over the next few days with plenty of things to occupy time and space with.

I’ll be going through my documents and adding to the pages accordingly I plan on editing each post so that will help me edit each story! Which is very exciting for me, maybe, probably not for you. Oh well…

I’m unsure of how to post the chapters I think I’m going to post excerpts and add the entirety of chapter or section or story to the parent page, but I’m still messing with the idea.

Post will primarily be updates and excerpts, but I plan on posting any new work I start here as well. This way even if I never work on it again it will have a bit of life via anyone who looks at it.

Alright, I’m done now.

Hello, hello, hello…

I’ve been a bit stuck in the realm of nothing coming from a pen or from the tips of my fingers.

Minus the new outburst of poetry, building and projecting itself from my mind, there has been little to no work done.

I decided to start here because I am having such an easy time posting to my other blog Hand.In.Both.Boxes  and thought what a lovely idea! To start a blog with all my current projects available and the whole-wide-internet to be subject to them, depending on usage of said whole-wide-internet.

It is my hope that having them all in a place where access is an ease, and the public are able to view them, I might actually make a bit of progress.

And, so, here it is, my mind unraveled for your enjoyment.

The pleasure I assure you is all mine.