Bubblegum and candy sweet.

Where the story ends

the river bleeds and death is dead.

Triumph over mastery

and life it seems is but a dream.

Head of clouds and candy cotton

colored veins that seep neurotic

a deep forgotten overload,

a drink that burns the malleable.

Tangible regret that forms the other head

the girl, adorned, that trips on talents read.

In bedroom’s classic draped with mirror bends

and waves of cotton filling up her head

nothing last until its over

the beginning is the end.

Where death and life are but a dream

and we remain forever.

Streaming lies of who she is

a disk, a drip, a feathered whip

nothing is a quantity

and make-up plays lead role supreme

Wonder Woman pant suits clean.

Desperate for the taking plea

a girl with candy coated dreams

pills that make it easy to sleep

a red work blouse and mouse head gleam.

Where the story ends

the river trips and now its dead.

(April 1, 2013)

Untitled

I got an idea for something like this a bit ago and just now began trying to write it.

**********************

We will be here long after the world dies for we know no death, no freedom. We will be here as the world destroys itself and watch in awe of its destruction. Everything built will crumble and every creation will know the darkness of oblivion. When the universe is silent we will still stand.

***********************

Have you ever just watched them?

Why? Have you spent time doing anything, but watching them? What else is there to do?

“Point taken.” the voice is oddly feminine like the bitter cold of a wave it broke through the unbearable silence.

“I’ve watched them since they were but tiny molecules, atoms even. I’ve never felt the need to watch much else. The cats maybe, house ones are incredible interesting from time to time.” the voice is masculine holding fire and envy, a longing one should not know in his position.

“Yeah, but I mean really watched them, know them by name, or even… what do they call it? Race?”
“I think you mean ethnicity, a much more profound concept I feel.”

“Fine, that.” there was a sigh and a flicker in the her eyes her movements like rain as she step softly toward him. “Have you ever picked one out, or a group, and just watched.”

“No. I’ve never cared much for the psycho babble of individualism they admire themselves too highly I much prefer watching the affiliated fight it out against their opposition. My favorite are the ocean groups, you would think its be the desert tribes but I enjoy the island movements, so dependant and isolated and yet in many ways harmonious.”

“You favor them for their geographic locations, you’ve mentioned it before, when you traveled amongst them. I don’t think their game plans matter much.” the joke was left empty as a storm brewed over the Atlantic. “Tragedy, or a bit of fear?”

“Taking bets? I doubt another tragedy will be occurring any time soon, none of them seem to realize the peril they are in.” standing he takes a step to the edge of the mist and watches as the signs of death float about Africa “Right now, there’s genocide happening, it looks like a water color doesn’t it?”

“One of those child drawings, the dead mere drips from fingers?” her laugh filled the air and the mist dives down into the atmosphere “Its only when you get closer it looks a tad more tangible, not paint, more like…” searching for the word she trails off reaching out to the earth her hand like a shadow below “lego’s?”

“Ah yes, like toys, ticker blocks or what have you. They don’t know tragedy, not like the predecessors now the Greeks they knew tragedy. If I had to pick an ethnic group it would have been them, I watched them almost in earnest, shame how they ended.” his eyes the two orbs on either side of his unneeded nose fixed on the waters whirled like a hurricane as he remembered what seemed only moments passed. “They worshiped so wonderfully” he grinned and raised his arms pulling the duo back into the cosmos. “Do you watch them? Individually?”

Almost shocked she turned to him with a look of terror “yes, from time to time, there is one family I’ve come to enjoy.”

“Family? You take the time to look in on then?” indifferent he began forming something, an orb at first solid turning then to ball of light, liquid and malleable .

“I watch them, it passes the time…” nothing more was sad he spent his time watching his creation grow, pondering where he would send it, without question why. He left that to those down there in the trenches. And she bored and lost in thought decided to change her body the only thing created safe to mold in her eyes.

Fallen flesh

Take this piece of me the flesh

that holds it in, pry it from

dead finger tips and let the prayers begin.

Dance upon the pale earth and sing

the souls reprieve. Take me Lord,

to the Kingdom, set this solemn slave free!

My knees so weak and rustic

over bolts of long since past

winters boiling over to Christ

locked in impasse

Souls all set a flame in demons

eyes and cake for sale

lusting after Holy lands that

bend but do not break.

Take this piece of me O’Lord

you already have the rest

set the soul on fire burst

through decayed and broken chest.

Oh! Lord dance with me subtle

a top this mound of bones

for I am lost in conquest

of souls I’ve never known.

Lord take me fully as flesh

slips from these bones

and Christ the only lover that

I have ever known.

Touch the strength of weakness

As this soul breaks free

dance in wonder with me

lift me off of dirty knees.

(February 28 2013)

Medication Roulette

*** I wrote this for one of the Resident I work with. Written with love and a bit of madness to over come the sheer disaster that is the Mental Health system.

Do you hear the voices?

Yes? well let’s begin!

We’ll take away your pills

to figure out how weak you are within.

Feeling fine? Let’s disregard

take them down now let’s restart!

We know best how to medicate

and it’s a game we love to play.

Let’s fill your prescription

you’ll love this new pill

we want you to take it

now tell us how you feel!

Do you hear the voices as you’re shaking

in the shower?

Blood sweat and hell bent increase the dosage

every hour!

Do you hear the voices?

Yes? well we took your pills

replaced them with placebos

oh-God! what a fucking thrill!

You want to know how long this will last?

let’s take a look no never mind you can’t ask!

Do you hear the voices?

Do you know your name?

Oh-the wait is over!

Let’s dissect this consumer’s brain!

Do you hear the voices?

No, you wouldn’t anyway,

we took away your pills

now you’re decaying all damn day!

We want to know just what happened

so we’ll dissect away the brain

you’ll never know just how you helped

you’ve given us a raise!

(February 27 2013) 

Kingdom come

Rip the rolling tundra

with mal content and lacquer

turn the clock around and

save the Queen’s disaster!

As long as ladies love

continues without laughter

then everything is fine

you’ve avoided freedoms Master.

Boil down the ice and turn

the King around.

View the world in motion

and happenstance is found.

Every day’s a struggle

when the world is set a fire

by Jester’s playing song’s

that ignite the Lord’s pyre.

Truth be told the world ends

every night it dies

and when it’s set in motion

the clock wrecks its lullaby.

Never speak to soon or you’ll

invite disaster. Queens in royal

bloom that kill all signs of laughter

never sing in tune or you will face it faster.

In Court’s revival speaks every whisper to the caster

as flames devour souls,

and the world finally pays it toll

just another relic waiting to be sold.

(February 27 2013) 

chapter 01:

*** rough, very rough. Beginning second chapter of Children of Pandora Chronicles

 

Sitting there, their worlds stop, for a moment it is like no one else existed. You see, the players here aren’t these two fucked up kids, no their just pawns. Satine sits a beautiful promise to the world eating the battered remains of an onion ring she just picked apart “I gave it all” her smile is weak filled with sorrow and coated with crumbs. “I had been passed around by women, men, and everything in between. When Hector left I had two years in the system and my Romeo didn’t ask me to go with, he left me in hell to fend off the demons, but the promised remained” her eyes cloud as Conner watches trying to say something, smile, give something back as she tears open her heart, but the powers that be kept his lips tight. They cooed her forward as the beast ripped at its confines “She thought She had it all planned out. They always do, don’t they? Bitch didn’t see this coming, She hasn’t seen a lot coming. I found them I left the home and I found them in the pouring rain, all Oscar award winning and everything. It’s still standing. The Ritz, it tried so desperately to be chic, it ended up being a home for runaways.

 

Hector met me outside with a blanket, “Well kid, you’re early, but you made it.” He smiled wrapping me in warmth kissing me on the head and filling me with glee.

Other’s came out to meet me, all grins, hugs and various welcoming pleasantries  “Sister!”, “You’ve arrived!”, “Finally someone new!” to name a few. I was completely overwhelmed, but could hear Her voice like church bells whispering her congratulations I’d found home all on my own, or so she assumed. After being ushered in they brought me a hot cup of coffee and offered me an assortment of foods, everyone was impeccably gorgeous so beautiful I could barely stand to look at them. I felt an immediate shame. Even Hector who had always been beautiful to me looked even more unearthly, I’d learn later on that Her children see each other for what we are, the perfection is awe-striking.” She’s smiling now doing something she hasn’t done in a long while she closes her eyes and lets the power flow through her. Suddenly the junkie prostitute turns into Aphrodite and poor Conner sits dumbfounded witness to the birth of Venus. “And this isn’t even half of what I would see looking at another child of Hers” He gazes at the creature in pure longing for everything she is, but fear comes crawling like it aught to do and he recoils. “Scared?” her smirk is cold and dangerous, she is enjoying the control she now has, and his fear would at one time have been his down fall. “Thought you wanted to know everything, all the clues, remember?”

“What… What ar-“

“I’m Her child, Conner. I’m Pandora’s precious little girl.” She spits the words only to feel another release of energy the feel of pure ecstasy running over her skin begging her to return home. Sick lies I assure you.

“What the fuck does that mean?” The little man is terrified but still stuck to his seat. “Pandora? Like Pandora’s box? The myth?”

“Myth?” laughing the sound carrying intoxication “it’s all real. Everything you’ve been taught about mythology is a crock of shit, including that story.”

He’s shaking his head trying to push the sudden change in her appearance away, out of sight out of mind, he needs too otherwise he might believe her. Crazy bitch. “No, no, no I do-“

“You wanted to know the truth, remember? Well this is it. I’m it. Gods and Goddess’s are all too real, but the Greeks didn’t always get the story right, Pandora wasn’t some-“

“I can’t listen to this, it’s –it’s fucking crazy” he moves to stand as she watches him not the least surprised by her actions the only people who knew of her already knew the truth. As he exits the booth however he hears a soft whisper sit, child, sit and listen. Immediately he glares at Satine “What the fuck was that!?” shrugging she just stares with a queer smile upon her lips. “Who was that?” he’s whispering now but has caught the attention of the minimal staff, their praying they don’t have to stop another whore beating. “Was it her? Tell me!”

Taking another onion ring, now cold and unappealing she takes a bite “No.” she’s fighting the beast trying not to be overcome, her Mother was not taking chances this time, Satine opened the door. All focus was on her.

“The-“

“Don’t ask me who, I wouldn’t know.” Gulping the steaming coffee she fights off Her hands, its not an easy feat, but she’s had practice. “I don’t know any other beside her touch, maybe you have a mother from above too” raising her hand to silence him she continues “I was under the impression that you wanted a story and if that’s true we should get back to it.” Their running out of time. He nods resigning himself to the cards dealt out for him “good. So like I said I got there and saw more than what you see and felt at home in the strange beauty.

Medicated kind of girl

suicidalsupergirl

And here I thought it was over

hard time in a basket

kept locked up and emphatic

like a bull in a china shop

they are waiting to let me have it.

Oh they put me in this little box

they are telling me it wont ever stop

medicate my brain again

and I wont fuse with deeper sin.

They put me right where I belong

and watch the fun as I come undone.

Prescribe some more fucking medicine

to brace this crazy bitch within.

And here I thought they made it better

healthier with all this labor

cluttered boxes of prescription drugs

they fit me like a silken glove.

Oh they trapped me in a womb

told me they’d let me out soon

took away my ovaries

and told me I should never breed.

And here I thought I was back

they locked me up and shocked me bad

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The Children of Pandora Chronicles

*** This is my third attempt at telling this story not totally sure if I like this or not yet….

 

Chapter 00

She sits there staring at her coffee, more like mud, the waitress warned her it’d be like that but she didn’t want to wait for another pot to be brewed. “I’ll be drinking more then this, I just need something now.” she smiled weakly thin lips cracking as she speaks. The tall blonde beauty couldn’t smile, wouldn’t, at least that’s what it looks like from the moment she walked in she looked about ready to collapse. The waitress brought her the cup without another word, looking into those eyes, maybe she saw how desperately she needed it needed something. Maybe she saw another junkie prostitute who’d tip her in pennies and leave a greasy bill behind her. Who knows.
Staring, meditating in the mud, the girl barely breathes. She looks like she’s been through war, the kind of war where you look the enemy in the eye before you take their life, the kind of war a video game can’t quiet capture. Her grey eyes are dull filled with lifeless tears and held up by dark bags as if she hadn’t slept in years, maybe the waitress is right, maybe she’s a junkie. Her hair is long and stringy pulled back tight but unkept, untouched for days. Skin dry and pale like old porcelain the kind that gets forgotten, lost in the attic with all the other trash. The kind of thin a model would envy still perfect even though she wants it to decay, oh her perfection even through the dust is apparent. She is Venus, if only she was. No, this girl, this beautiful broken girl she belongs to another deity and as she sits staring into her cooling mug they are coming for her.
A guy comes over to her all smiles and concern, he isn’t thinking of fucking her, but something is telling him he has to know her. Save her. That irresistible pull or push that drives us to places we never knew we wanted to go had a tight grip on him and as he makes his way to her stumbling into her booth he knows he would rather die then miss out on this opportunity. “Hey there! I saw that-that you were alone and figured so am I! Heh… and thought maybe you’d want some company.” against his will the friendly little smile he attempts turns into a show of teeth and gum. She looks up making no attempt to answer him just watching his eyes as they tremble ever so slightly “Uh… my names Conner, what about you?” he isn’t done yet not by a long shot but his body is screaming humiliation desperately wanting to be away from this wondrous woman before he is no longer a man.
“I don’t have a lot of time, its 50 bucks, maybe less if you’re quick.” her lips barely move her eyes drifting to the side. He’s dumbfounded, and she of course is serious. 50 for a fuck, less if he’s quick.
“Woah… wait… what? Woah no no no no!” he stands arms in the air looking around as if it was a bust “I-I-I just really only wanted to just talk. TAAAALK. That’s it.” Conner laughs nervously thinking about just walking away but ends up back in the booth without really knowing why. That pulls a bitch.
“I’m not holding, I got nothing, if your trying to push I’m not interested. “ she says mindlessly having had this conversation before, thinking him just another one in a million. She really could have used that 50, damn it.
“Holding? Holding wh-oh No. No. No. No, really I wanted to talk to you. Just Talk.” he is really out of his element here. No clue who or what this girl is. His heart telling him to talk, his mind to run, his cock to pull out 50 and take her to the bathroom, choices, choices, choices.
“Talk?” New concepts are always a tad confusing “Why?” her eyes narrow like a hawk and she prepares for the worse. Who the fuck just talks anymore, anyway?
“Yeah, like have a conversation?” he laughs this time for real, a nice hearty laugh, would warm a normal person.
“Why?”
“You looked like someone I should know.” smiling he continues hoping his next words wont be his last “and I-I figured we were both alone at… um 2 am in a crappy diner… why the hell not?” talking with his hands in hopes of gaining her favor, for reasons unknown.
“What if I came here to be alone.” she speaks the truth. No one could want solitude more then this girl.
“What if I did too?”
“Then you should be alone. Where you were. Over there.”
Conner smiles. Success. “You noticed me” eye brows rise with his grin “Now that’s something there. Noticing the poor sap all alone at the other end of the diner. I think its fate.”
“Fate? What would you know about fate?” she sneers she knows too much.
“What don’t I know? That’s the question really, but first answer mine. What’s your name?”
“Satine.”
“Conner, nice to meet you Satine. So what are you running from?” Oh this guy is hitting a nerve now.
“Running from?” she breathes she’s wondering how blind she’s really become.
“Well yeah, you’re at a diner in the middle of no where at…” looking at his watch “ 2:34. There’s either something you’re trying to get away from or you’ve got killer munchies. Which is it, Satine?’ he smirks as her eyes cloud she’s been waiting for this moment and she didn’t even know.
“Running I guess… no munchies… not tonight anyway.” she attempts a joke but fails to even make herself laugh. Her mouth dries with the very desire of speech, she’s thirsty desperately thirsty for words, and the Gods have blessed her with a chance. Perhaps? Maybe not. Maybe, they are laughing at her, spiting her for her allegiance. Or maybe, maybe its just a coincidence. Who cares, right?
His eyes are soft and he’s ready to hear anything “Running from what?” looking at this magnificent woman all he knows, all he can think, is that he wants to be here to help her. Just from looking at her anyone can tell she needs help.
Shifting uncomfortable the words begin to struggle in her throat she isn’t willing to speak no she’s trying to keep her mouth shut but they are clawing their way out “I guess… you can say I’m running from family.” the moment the words leave her lips she knows she’s already lost it. “I’m not running very well though, you see, and I’ve given up on the whole thing.”
“I know what you mean, the running thing I guess… and the family thing to some small extent maybe.” he’s thinking of his own problems but they were fading this isn’t about him and sometimes when you least expect to forget yourself you do. The mind is funny like that.
“You’ve no clue. Not one.”
It stings him makes his heart throb, how could she know? But he moves on he wants to know “So give me one, or all of them…” shrugging he adds “We’ve got nothing better to do, right?” laughing loudly and unexpectedly shocking the other patrons not to mention Satine.
She’s shaking her head trying to keep it in but the beast is laughing now. The power within her begins to simmer bones deep she’d been avoiding her Mother for too long and the beast wanted out even if it was just words. And maybe she finally sees it, this is the way its meant to be, this is how she finally checks out of the game. No more cat and mouse. The mouse gives up and this is the white flag moment she’s been waiting for. “Let them come then.” she whispers to herself looking up at the fragile Conner who sits naked before her. She could do anything to him if she wanted, but all she is going to do is talk.
“Hm?”
“Never mind that. You want a clue? You want it all?”
He’s scared now something is different with her, darker, threatening, she isn’t helpless. Never was. Swallowing hard he manages a “yes.”
“Its going to be a long night” the waitress comes to the table “more coffee and some onion rings.” She’s not even looking at her, her attention is completely focused on Conner but the waitress smiles grimly thinking this is his payment for the sullen little prostitute. “What would you give to stop running?”
“Anything I guess…” he mumbles scared at what’s to come but transfixed nonetheless.
“Heh… exactly what you end up giving. Everything.” the waitress comes back fills up their mugs and drops off fresh cream and sugar packets Satine smiles this time brightly lighting up the dark dank diner. The woman stumbles away taken aback by what she sees. “When I was younger, real young like two or three I was taken from my parents. Crack addicts they use to leave me in my crib soiled and starving, least to say it was the ideal childhood home. So child welfare came into the mix and I got taken. But it wasn‘t really much better, maybe I was fed more frequently, maybe the house wasn‘t filled with flies, maggots and the like but the crack house seems safer to me now.” anger’s rising in her veins making her blood boil with unquenchable rage.
“I’m-m sor-” Conner begins but she interrupts.
“You want a story, right? Don’t interrupt then. You’ve nothing to be sorry for. If I’m too blunt I can sugar coat for you.” her tongue is growing sharper and it’s the beast, but that’s not in her control she just wants all of it out.
“No I’m sorry I’ll listen and be as blunt as possible.” Afraid as he is he wont be pushed away he wants to be there, right there. He wants to sit forever and listen to her beautiful voice, but moreover he wants her words, needs them.
“Alright then. Well my parents might have been forgetful druggies neglectful of my necessary life needs, but they never as far as I was told tried to fuck me. Some of the houses looked like the Brady’s but most even the Brady homes were hell. As you might be able to imagine going from one hell to another all I ever wanted was a real family. The kind of family you see on T.V. Around twelve right around the time I started puberty as it always is I started having dreams about a family, a beautiful Mother, her sweet voice and promise after promise. She would take the pain away. Make me beautiful, strong, powerful so that no one could ever harm me again. She’d make me perfect just like her. I’d never go hungry, be afraid, be lonely again. While I was dreaming these wonderful things I was safe, when I’d wake up I was in hell. So I started cutting, and drinking, smoking. Anything to dull the pain. Did that for four years I met Hector around then. He was a dream during the day. He’d get me high, he taught me to fight, to steal, to lie. When I was with him I wasn’t a weak little girl, a victim. When we ended up in houses together, which happened to often to be normal, no one would touch me. She said she sent him that I only had to wait a bit longer then all would be okay. I fell in love with the voice in my dreams, like I think a child falls in love with a parent, and I fell in love with Hector. I was sixteen when he revealed his dreams, the same dreams. It was fate. Fate’s a bitch of player. You never see her game until its done I guess.” Her eyes are overflowing now the beast quelled for a moment with the memory of love, love for someone other then Her, love that was not planned. Satine is right Fate is a terrible mistress, a slut really her scent is on the worlds fingers and no one knows it but her. “I was running to anything that made me feel in the least. I was a piece of flesh being passed around until they came. Conner, what would you give for beauty, power and wealth? For a family and everything you’ve ever wanted? What would you give for the perfect life?” crying she sips her coffee and smiles.

What would you give?