What do you mean by honesty?

Am I getting better?
Oh I sound that way it seems
if I answer hello
you interpret what it means
if I wear a smile
it says I’m not depressed
but because it makes you happier
it means I’ve never felt that stress
that if I say I’ve eaten
you take it to mean enough
so when I am a corpse
I guess you’ll say you didn’t know
because even though I told you
you never heard the words
never actually listened
or read a single verse.

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Dear America

I’m sorry America
for turning my back
for being ashamed
of the gifts that I have
for mocking my freedom
and turning my eyes
from all of the privilege
you’ve given my life.
I’m sorry America
for denying my plenty
for believing the lies
and forgetting
your memory.
I’m sorry to say
I’ve been rather blind
forgetting that America
is where one can thrive
I might be poor now
but the choice is still mine
to open a business
or give dreams a try
like writing these poems
or publish a novel
I don’t need anything
but choices to follow
it might not work out
but you’ve given me
the chance
I know now I’m lucky
you’ve given me the path.
I’m sorry America
that I couldn’t see
that so many in the world
honestly wish they were me
poets that come
from lands that still stifle
artist that died
because they disagree
I can see now
I am truly free.
I’m sorry America
for being so dumb
but it’s just like America
to let youth be young.

Some burdens

I am a burden
just thought you should know
in case you’d forgotten
while I moved along
trying not to bother
while offering my help
I’m sorry that I’m down
on material wealth
I am a burden
that much is true
gave all of my gold
so you could have food
lost my means and childhood
I am a burden
a burden it’s true
have you my wings, my home
all new
now I am here
lost and alone
I’m sorry for the inconvenience
but could I use your phone?
Lost all my money
when I gave it to you
promises made
but I’m still the tool.

Changes in confections

Changes will be coming
words have just begun
candy is much sweeter
when varied in its fun
soon there will be guests
and worlds I have designed
visuals I confess
hardly will be mine
but changes will be coming
new material and themes
please stand by-keep reading
I can’t wait to share these sweets.

Take the heels off

Who are you
to tell me I’m wrong?
That I need to
take my heels off,
that I don’t have choices
because I choose wrong
even if you don’t know my reasons
you say to take my heels off.
Who are you
to tell me I don’t know the truth?
that I don’t know where heels come from
or the health effects from use?
I don’t need to explain
I don’t need to waste my time
but since you know what’s right for me
why not be honest with me, alright?
Tell me you don’t want my voice,
that my choices are wrong,
that you feel empowered enough
to dictate the way I walk,
explain to everyone that we
we have been brainwashed
that only you have awaken fully
and the rest of us
just need to take our heels off.

What my mother taught me

What my mother taught me;

how to be afraid,
how to distrust everyone,
how to clean the sink,
how to be quite weak,
how to lie and cheat,
how to manipulate-
everything I learned
she demonstrated on me,

how to break a heart,
how to tear myself apart,
that she is better than
I could ever comprehend
because she struggled so
and I would never know,
how to get a man
that was her great plan,
clean and keep a house
my mother taught me well,

how to steal the show,
make my pain grow slow,
and throw it in the face
of even my professed faith,
because my mother struggled
she never did grow up
my mother taught me many things
and many things she stole
I became a lot of things
and then I removed her from my soul.

The last thing my mother taught me
the last lesson I let her teach-
how to let go of demons
and leave the devil where she be.

Fat anorexic

Watch the fat girl die,
slowly.
Watch her starve herself
to sleep.
Watch her wither away
to nothing.
And deny that she’d never
eat.
Watch the fat girl fade
most literally,
watch her body die
on repeat.
Nothing grows-
it only sinks in,
but she should be happy
with this new skin.
Watch the fat girl become
what you want to see,
watch her realize
she’s now your thing,
watch her die even more inside
as even her family
cheers for starving tonight
they would argue
but it’s all the same
no new ending-no one’s listening
it’s okay
she’s just a fat girl
anyway.

Due process

Suicide is complicated
suicide is hard
we put blame on partners
on bullies and on scars
everybody’s part of
the problem we can’t solve
when we name the monster
the monster is us all
everybody’s party
to the death that we have seen
especially Rose McGowan
who deflects blame
though we can see
everything affects
the choice of suicide
you can blame mental illness
but it’s not just one reason to why
everything’s connected
everything’s me too
it’s why we blame school bullies
and the partners that abuse
it’s not just isolated
to one reason or maybe two
suicide is complicated
suicide is hard
especially when you’re claiming
you’re the Bravest of us all.

Down the rabbit hole

Once forever
you said never
fell right down
the rabbit hole
once forever
you did weather
all the bitterness
of cold
you said never
falling down
that freezing
rabbit hole
but once forever
never let her
ever, ever
let go.

When the group turns upon itself

When your group
turns on you
whatever will you do?
I’d suggest politely
you should ask a bi or two
see we know how it feels
to be told you are not real
to be told your existence
is harmful
to inclusion and progress
to be told your sexuality
is a fad at very best
we know what it feels like
to be victims of violence
when the perpetrator is
at a safe place you invest in
we know what it feels like
to be completely erased
to have the mother of pride
be overthrown and displaced
we can tell you simply
it’s just a way of life
you do all kinds of good work
but still have to fight to survive
just stiffen that upper lip
and turn to those you love
trust not just the label
but whoever holds you up
bisexuals know the power
in forming your own home
whether in the LGB community
or out there all alone.
So when the group betrays you
ask a bi how to rebuild
just one who hasn’t fallen
to loud minority rule.